When Your Husband Won't Make Love To You

Good day. I'm sure the title of this post will shock some. People are more used to the reverse case.

We are told that men need sex as much as food; give it to him so that he doesn't look outside etc.

Then, you find yourself married to a man like Ahasuerus (Esther's husband) that can go for a month without having sexual relations with his wife. You've primed yourself as a wife to satisfy all your husband's sexual needs. There turns out to be a glitch in your plans - hubby has NO sexual needs (at least to your knowledge). All the sexy lingerie is wasted, everything you've read and imagined will have to remain in your head as you cannot look for a lover as a Christian woman. Is that how life ends for you? After you probably saved yourself for marriage?
And there you asking - Is there something wrong with me? Am I not attractive? Does he not love me?

Before we go to solutions, let's check out potential causes.
1. There may be physical/medical reasons for the low sex drive.
2. He may be dealing with stress/emotional problems.
3. A lack of friendship may be at the root of the matter.
4. He may be involved in pornography.

Solutions.
I am a firm believer in taking every detail of our lives to the Lord in prayer. I don't think this is an exception. In addition to prayers, I have a few recommendations.

1. If he is willing to go, get him to see a doctor. That should rule out medical/physical reasons. If there are truly medical/physical reasons, the doctor should be able to guide you on how to proceed.

2. If he is dealing with emotional/stress problems, possibly including money problems, you should prayerfully encourage him. Let him know you appreciate and look up to him. Encourage him to take his worries to the Lord in prayer. Pray with and for him. However, DON'T baby him.
You need to be careful not to take over his role as the provider if you happen to have more money than he does. You also probably don't want to leave him all alone. I think I'll do a separate post on "When she earns more than he does".
Do all you can to ensure you don't belittle him in public. You also don't want to be walking on eggshells around him.
Women tend to take over EVERYTHING when the man seems not to be in control. Sister, STOP! You are emasculating that man! Stop smothering or is it 'mothering' you call it?
The best you can do for your man at this point is to pray FOR and WITH him. Give him room to air his feelings and opinions. Show him RESPECT! Hand over ALL your paycheck to him AT YOUR OWN RISK, lol.

3. If a lack of friendship is the issue, you can buy all the sexy lingerie you want, it still won't happen. You'll need a little more patience, sweetheart. You need to work more on your friendship. Watch his favourite movie with him; do things he enjoys. Let him fall in love again with his playful wife. I genuinely believe this is a time when you have to rely on your godly girlfriends for some support in meeting YOUR emotional needs. You'll want to strike a balance, though. You still need to spend time with him doing what he enjoys (that is godly, please).
As you work on your friendship, if he has some bitterness or hurt against you, it will flow out. Love melts bitterness and hurts. When he is melting, he may say and possibly do hurtful things. Without compromising your personal safety, your response should be more love. You can find a safe way to release your hurts without lashing out. You really need the Holy Spirit's help to go through this phase. The truth is that though weeping may endure for a night, joy will come in the morning. You are strengthened from within, in Jesus' Name. Amen.

4. If he is involved in pornography, you need to get help. Find a godly counselor that can help you both.

May the Lord bless and keep our homes.

I'll appreciate your views/experiences concerning this issue.