Until the victim of domestic violence and abuse has a "Eureka" moment, they will not stay away from the abuser. They don't believe they can be the victim whose pathetic story is all over social media... They truly believe that if they try hard enough, the abuser will change. Yes, they don't mind shaming the abuser on social media so he can change...
I believe that not everyone is wired to be the emotional responder to DV victims. I know only 4 people working in that field today that I believe are trained for this - Ma Laila Stmd, Aunty Josephine Effah-Chukwuma, Sis Olubunmi Layode and Barrister Abiade Olawanle Abiola. If you know anyone else involved in this because they want to solve a problem, please let us know about them.
I understand the frustration of trying to help a victim leave an abusive relationship and watching them go back. The way I help myself not get frustrated is not to get too emotionally invested... If emotional support is not your thing, you can still contribute financially. It will be greatly appreciated. Please contact the Amazons I mentioned above.
Obviously, they don't do the work alone. They have wonderful helpers. You can also volunteer to help. The one thing we can't afford to do is drop the ball; our generation is counting on us.
Have you eaten?
Wednesday, January 3, 2018
WHAT WOMEN WANT
Last year, I asked women what qualities they look out for in a potential partner. Below are the responses I got from the survey.
1. I am impressed by a man who doesn't feel the need to discuss every damn situation with his family (his mom especially ) and his friends. A man who doesn't feel his manhood is tied to how brutish and stifling he can be but allows his woman to flourish in her discpline.
2. A man:
- Comfortable in his skin such that he's not afraid of being vulnerable with his partner or feel the need to act a certain way to earn her respect.
- Who longs to serve his wife as Christ serves the church
- Whose foremost desire from his wife is her companionship.
3.
A man whose fruits (actions) show that he fears, honours and loves God. A man who does not demand my respect but is ready to earn it. A man who is not a hypocrite. A man who is not afraid or ashamed to be silly and playful with our children while being able to guide and discipline them. A man who understands that submission cannot be forced from me, so he is not threatened when I express my opinion by forcing me to go his way. A man who is not afraid to be vulnerable with me and accepts me when I am vulnerable with him. A man who is not determined to make me fit a mould or fit his idea or other people's idea of a wife, basically he loves me flaws, strengths and all. An extremely hard and smart working man who also enjoys helping around the house with chores and family time. Lastly a man who is honest with me and does not keep secrets from me.
Here's mine
I need a man who"
- Holds me and protects me (as much as he can)
- Takes his time to understand how I feel each time
- Understands the meaning of COMMITMENT and takes his vows seriously
- Seeks truth and strives to be a better each day
- Takes time to place his heart inside me. A man that is patient enough to explain what he is trying to say till I get his point.
- Is not afraid to say "I'm sorry" when he's wrong
- Is proud to let the whole world know that I am the queen of his heart. I am not overly into public displays of affection but if it is necessary, he should not be so stiff
- Takes time to let me know that I enrich his life
- Takes personal hygiene and fitness seriously
- Has a great sense of humor and is not too sensitive
- Has good work ethics
- Is committed to my growth
- Fights daily for our relationship
Ladies, what do you want in a man? You can share with us in the comments or send an email to womentellingafricanstories@gmail.com
Enjoy your day.
Wednesday, September 6, 2017
Starting a Daycare as a Business - Questions and Answers
Question and Answer session with Maria Otiso
Question: You said something about having furniture for parents. Could you please expatiate on it?
Answer: The furniture I was talking about are chairs and tables where they can sit when waiting for their kids. Some daycares do not have a place a parent can sit. Sometimes you just need to sit and listen to the teacher rather than standing while the teacher or director is talking to you. Remember some of these parents come from work very tired. It’s something like a waiting place or a reception area with two or three seats
Question: I believe not everyone is qualified character-wise and temperament-wise to run a day care. So what kind of person should run a day care?
Answer: Each one of us have areas we are so good at which may not be so with others. Please do an assessment to know which area you are good at. Some of us can be very good farmers, engineers, professors and doctors. Check which area you are good at and start the business. Also, you can start and get the right staff to run the daycare even if you are not directly involved with kids. You can just decide to be a director and make sure the daycare is running smoothly.
Question: So, is there no possible means of starting small because I think the installation of those gadgets may cost a lot of money? The licenses are so many; won’t that deplete one's starting capital?
Answer: Yes, in one of the points I said you should start small. So, you don't have to start with everything that is laid down here. You develop it slowly. Some of the licenses require very little money so that is not a problem.
Mariapia Otiso is the mother of a beautiful girl and the wife of a handsome man. You can reach her by sending an email to mariapia.kagendo@gmail.com
Saturday, April 1, 2017
She Does Not Eat The Bread Of Idleness
"She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.” Proverbs 31: 27
Once again, someone has asked me for more information about myself. I will oblige you this time BECAUSE IT TIES INTO WHAT I WAS GOING TO WRITE ABOUT ANYWAY. I’ll let you know, though, that I am at liberty to reveal what I wish to reveal about myself when I want to. I also realise that you have the right to choose your friends, real or virtual. If you need more information than I’m willing to divulge, please use whatever buttons Facebook has given you to protect your privacy…
Now to the real gist of the post…I grew up in a family with strong women. I have/had aunts, cousins and other female relatives who went through terrible pains in the name of marriage. I decided not to get married because I didn’t believe I could stand the crap that these wonderful women endured in the name of marriage. Eventually, though, a young man swept me off my feet and I almost made him my ‘god’.
Thankfully, he is a firm believer in women empowerment because I really would have considered dropping it all and staying in ‘utopia’ with him (Hint: I’m not looking for another man to ‘sweep’ me off my feet). I’m back on earth now because my ‘knight in shining armor’ has some dents in the said armor. The focus of this post is not marriage so I’ll hurry to my point.
These strong women had to deal with all sorts of crap from the men they married. We can debate till we’re blue in the face on whether they deserved it or not because they
1) snatched someone’s boyfriend,
2) saw the traits yet went ahead to marry the dude or 3) whatever else tickles your fancy…
One thing I learnt from these women that I hope to pass on to my child(ren) is the fact that they didn’t let the crap their husbands or family members/in-laws were dishing out keep them down. They still went on to make and are still making successes of their lives.
I can’t deal with the way some women’s life ambition is to get married and have kids. I have no qualms with having a family and looking out for the well-being of the family (that’s the first part of the verse I quoted). What I have issues with is how some women hand over their financial future to a man, who at his very best, is still a man.
Then there are those sisters/mothers that won’t stop pestering their married brothers/sons for financial support. With all due respect, you’re causing strains in your brother/son’s marriage. In the name of all that you hold dear, please get a life. I don’t mean to disrespect you; it’s just that your conduct leaves a lot to be desired and someone needs to tell you. Please, get past whatever hurt, disappointment or whatever and make something enviable out of your life. I’m sorry you had to/have to deal with crap; God will see you through as you prayerfully endure. While you’re praying for a change in your situation, please can you get busy?
Many, if not all, of the heroines in the Bible had to deal with crap in their family lives yet they went on to give us wonderful role models to look up to. Sarah had no kid; Rebekkah had no kids and was married to a passive man who was possibly an over-pampered dude. Leah was in a loveless marriage, Rachel had to contend with her blood sister for her husband. We have no clue what Lappidoth was up to yet Deborah judged Israel and together with Jael and Barak led Israel to a victory that resulted in 40 years of peace. Please feel free to add your favorite heroine’s story to the mix.
I trust that there are men who give their wives as much as they can; they sacrifice for their families. I salute you, sirs. However, I have an issue with you…I hope you’re not enabling your wife or any of your female relatives to eat the bread of idleness. I hope you haven’t become their “Alpha and Omega”. If that’s the case, please sir, repent and encourage her to get busy…She needs some empowerment.
If you’re a woman on my friends’ list and you don’t mind connecting with other women who are not idle, rude or generally poorly-behaved people, please let me know if you’re interested in joining a Facebook group created with you in mind. We share business/career tips and opportunities that are particularly targeted at women. I’ll need you to either leave a comment or send me a private message. I’ll add you ASAP. Please note that there are specific market days so please don’t post adverts on non-market days. I’ll recommend to the Admins that they take disciplinary action against anyone that does not comply with the rules and particularly anyone that puts up posts seeking non-business/career related counsel. My pet peeve is all those mindless BCs requiring people to send to a certain number of people so that there will be no evil outcome…That’s the #1 symptom of idleness and a serious infraction, in my opinion. My sisters, abeg don’t fall my hand when I add you to the group. Thanks in advance.
My darling brothers, I am only a member in the group so my influence in the group is minimal. If you think there is value in creating such a group for men and women, please let me know in the comments. If I see enough interests, I’ll start the group though I won’t be the major Admin. It’s the first man and woman to indicate interest in such a group that will be the Admins ooo, lol #NoTime.
Enjoy the day and be the change you’re expecting…
Once again, someone has asked me for more information about myself. I will oblige you this time BECAUSE IT TIES INTO WHAT I WAS GOING TO WRITE ABOUT ANYWAY. I’ll let you know, though, that I am at liberty to reveal what I wish to reveal about myself when I want to. I also realise that you have the right to choose your friends, real or virtual. If you need more information than I’m willing to divulge, please use whatever buttons Facebook has given you to protect your privacy…
Now to the real gist of the post…I grew up in a family with strong women. I have/had aunts, cousins and other female relatives who went through terrible pains in the name of marriage. I decided not to get married because I didn’t believe I could stand the crap that these wonderful women endured in the name of marriage. Eventually, though, a young man swept me off my feet and I almost made him my ‘god’.
Thankfully, he is a firm believer in women empowerment because I really would have considered dropping it all and staying in ‘utopia’ with him (Hint: I’m not looking for another man to ‘sweep’ me off my feet). I’m back on earth now because my ‘knight in shining armor’ has some dents in the said armor. The focus of this post is not marriage so I’ll hurry to my point.
These strong women had to deal with all sorts of crap from the men they married. We can debate till we’re blue in the face on whether they deserved it or not because they
1) snatched someone’s boyfriend,
2) saw the traits yet went ahead to marry the dude or 3) whatever else tickles your fancy…
One thing I learnt from these women that I hope to pass on to my child(ren) is the fact that they didn’t let the crap their husbands or family members/in-laws were dishing out keep them down. They still went on to make and are still making successes of their lives.
I can’t deal with the way some women’s life ambition is to get married and have kids. I have no qualms with having a family and looking out for the well-being of the family (that’s the first part of the verse I quoted). What I have issues with is how some women hand over their financial future to a man, who at his very best, is still a man.
Then there are those sisters/mothers that won’t stop pestering their married brothers/sons for financial support. With all due respect, you’re causing strains in your brother/son’s marriage. In the name of all that you hold dear, please get a life. I don’t mean to disrespect you; it’s just that your conduct leaves a lot to be desired and someone needs to tell you. Please, get past whatever hurt, disappointment or whatever and make something enviable out of your life. I’m sorry you had to/have to deal with crap; God will see you through as you prayerfully endure. While you’re praying for a change in your situation, please can you get busy?
Many, if not all, of the heroines in the Bible had to deal with crap in their family lives yet they went on to give us wonderful role models to look up to. Sarah had no kid; Rebekkah had no kids and was married to a passive man who was possibly an over-pampered dude. Leah was in a loveless marriage, Rachel had to contend with her blood sister for her husband. We have no clue what Lappidoth was up to yet Deborah judged Israel and together with Jael and Barak led Israel to a victory that resulted in 40 years of peace. Please feel free to add your favorite heroine’s story to the mix.
I trust that there are men who give their wives as much as they can; they sacrifice for their families. I salute you, sirs. However, I have an issue with you…I hope you’re not enabling your wife or any of your female relatives to eat the bread of idleness. I hope you haven’t become their “Alpha and Omega”. If that’s the case, please sir, repent and encourage her to get busy…She needs some empowerment.
If you’re a woman on my friends’ list and you don’t mind connecting with other women who are not idle, rude or generally poorly-behaved people, please let me know if you’re interested in joining a Facebook group created with you in mind. We share business/career tips and opportunities that are particularly targeted at women. I’ll need you to either leave a comment or send me a private message. I’ll add you ASAP. Please note that there are specific market days so please don’t post adverts on non-market days. I’ll recommend to the Admins that they take disciplinary action against anyone that does not comply with the rules and particularly anyone that puts up posts seeking non-business/career related counsel. My pet peeve is all those mindless BCs requiring people to send to a certain number of people so that there will be no evil outcome…That’s the #1 symptom of idleness and a serious infraction, in my opinion. My sisters, abeg don’t fall my hand when I add you to the group. Thanks in advance.
My darling brothers, I am only a member in the group so my influence in the group is minimal. If you think there is value in creating such a group for men and women, please let me know in the comments. If I see enough interests, I’ll start the group though I won’t be the major Admin. It’s the first man and woman to indicate interest in such a group that will be the Admins ooo, lol #NoTime.
Enjoy the day and be the change you’re expecting…
Tuesday, March 14, 2017
BEFORE YOU QUIT YOUR JOB
If you are planning to quit your job to face your business, please note that business rarely starts booming immediately you start. Don't let "motivational speakers" fool you with their power of persuasion. You're going to have some trial and error period.
Don't let some destiny wasters lie to you that it's the "powers of your father/mother's house" or your spouse that are contending against your destiny and waste your already lean resources pursuing solutions to nonexistent problems. Don't let anyone play ping pong with your money and future.
Entrepreneurship does not start out rosy but if your products or services are providing value and you maintain the right attitude, your customers will find you.
Before you quit your job, plan carefully abeg. Look at your expenses critically and confirm how long your savings can sustain you, assuming you don't generate any income from your business. If your savings won't go far, abeg start the business as a "side hustle". Use that period to grow your savings AND your business. You can take some time off from work when the demands of your business are high and focus on your job when business is not booming.
After some time, offer to become a freelancer for your current employer. When they need your expertise, you can go in. At other times, you devote your energy to growing your business.
That's all the business tips I have for today. Please share your thoughts in the comments.
Enjoy your day.
Join the Real Estate Revolution today
Don't let some destiny wasters lie to you that it's the "powers of your father/mother's house" or your spouse that are contending against your destiny and waste your already lean resources pursuing solutions to nonexistent problems. Don't let anyone play ping pong with your money and future.
Entrepreneurship does not start out rosy but if your products or services are providing value and you maintain the right attitude, your customers will find you.
Before you quit your job, plan carefully abeg. Look at your expenses critically and confirm how long your savings can sustain you, assuming you don't generate any income from your business. If your savings won't go far, abeg start the business as a "side hustle". Use that period to grow your savings AND your business. You can take some time off from work when the demands of your business are high and focus on your job when business is not booming.
After some time, offer to become a freelancer for your current employer. When they need your expertise, you can go in. At other times, you devote your energy to growing your business.
That's all the business tips I have for today. Please share your thoughts in the comments.
Enjoy your day.
Join the Real Estate Revolution today
Saturday, February 25, 2017
SUNDAY SERMON - FOLLOW THE MAN WEY SABI
TODAY'S SERMON
Good morning. Here is today's sermon
1. Obey the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you want them to do to you. Don't dish out senseless advice to others then cry when you receive seven fold harvest of senseless advice. #BeGuided
2. Don't lie about your marital status just to get laid. It's just plain evil.
3. Don't meet a stranger online, sleep with them and give them money then start forming victim when they break up with you. This is 2017. I'm really struggling to understand how ladies can say that they didn't know that a man was married.
4. Don't defend a man that denied you publicly, sister. Jesus said if you deny Him on earth, He will deny you in heaven. Follow the Man wey sabi, abeg...
Happy Sunday.
Join the Real Estate Revolution today
Good morning. Here is today's sermon
1. Obey the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you want them to do to you. Don't dish out senseless advice to others then cry when you receive seven fold harvest of senseless advice. #BeGuided
2. Don't lie about your marital status just to get laid. It's just plain evil.
3. Don't meet a stranger online, sleep with them and give them money then start forming victim when they break up with you. This is 2017. I'm really struggling to understand how ladies can say that they didn't know that a man was married.
4. Don't defend a man that denied you publicly, sister. Jesus said if you deny Him on earth, He will deny you in heaven. Follow the Man wey sabi, abeg...
Happy Sunday.
Sunday, February 19, 2017
ABOUT ROMANTICIZING WITCHCRAFT
I was just thinking that Goldie & Bear would be a perfect replacement for Sophia the First. I was even imagining how it would be a great talking point for my daughter when she's in her twenties and running her own blog (or has inherited one or more of mine, lol).
Sofia got knocked off the list when I discovered that she is a witch. No matter how 'friendly' she is, a witch is a witch and needs to be delivered. My own liberal views will not allow me romanticize witchcraft... My Christian values no gree...
Anyway, I was warming up quickly to Goldie and Bear. Today of all days, they chose to romanticize witchcraft. This is my yellow card....
I think Christians should make cartoons that promote Christian values and invest in television. If you put out good quality content, I promise to patronize and to use my space to promote.
This is the Sunday School sermon. Main sermon is loading.
Join the Real Estate Revolution today
Sofia got knocked off the list when I discovered that she is a witch. No matter how 'friendly' she is, a witch is a witch and needs to be delivered. My own liberal views will not allow me romanticize witchcraft... My Christian values no gree...
Anyway, I was warming up quickly to Goldie and Bear. Today of all days, they chose to romanticize witchcraft. This is my yellow card....
I think Christians should make cartoons that promote Christian values and invest in television. If you put out good quality content, I promise to patronize and to use my space to promote.
This is the Sunday School sermon. Main sermon is loading.
Wednesday, February 15, 2017
When You Have Erectile Dysfunction
My blog post that has had the highest views so far was titled "When Your Husband Won't Make Love To You". The other one that has come close to it is the one about Yewande Oyediran (nee Fatoki), the lady that allegedly murdered her husband. I guess if I was a blogger interested in monetizing my blog, I'll focus more on those kind of stories. That's not where I'm going today, though.
Yesterday, I saw a post on my Big Sis' wall about a man who patronized those people selling 'gbogbonise' to enhance his sexual performance because his wife was always taunting him. He eventually died because some of his nerves were damaged. Her conclusion about men with Erectile Dysfunction (ED) consulting with trained medical doctors is faultless. Her conclusion about wives of men with ED is almost flawless. I have a few more recommendations, which are in the blog post I talked about in the opening paragraph.
What I want to shed some light on today is how the sexual frustration of the wife of the man with ED is waved away by both the man and people around. There is the camp that will ask her " Is sex food?". Then there's the camp that will ask her to seduce him bla bla bla. Do you honestly think she hasn't tried that?
The responses from some of these men can make someone commit adultery, murder or suicide. One lady told me that when she raised her concerns with her husband (who may or may not have ED, he has refused to see a doctor as he does not think there is a problem), he asked her to find a lover to satisfy her.
I read about a young man who claimed that if his wife disrespects him in public, he will punish her by starving her sexually for about a year. He claims he would get himself a side chic to satisfy him but she won't be able to get a side guy because their tradition and faith will not allow her get one. This guy is yet to get married o.
I read of a lady that burned down the house because she had been sexually starved for 5 years. I think she made the confession to the police.
For a woman trying to conceive, I think the men with ED who refuse to get medical treatment are just being wicked. Please let me know if I'm too harsh.
We keep harping on women denying their husband sexually (I don't think we should stop) and skirt around the issue of men sexually depriving their wives. I think they should get the same amount of attention, honestly, considering the fact that ED is treatable.
Enjoy your day.
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
OBEY THE GOLDEN RULE
You think you're cheating on your spouse and they decide to make it an open relationship... Why are you vexing?
If you say cheating is bad (like me), then don't cheat (and expect your spouse to stay in the War Room, praying against the strange man/woman). If you say it's natural for a man/woman to cheat, then understand when your spouse cheats too.
Personally, I think if you believe you can't be faithful to a partner, either stay unmarried and continue fornicating or let your partner know that your vows don't include faithfulness. Be reasonable enough to understand that your partner also cannot be faithful to one partner for the same reasons that you can't be.
If you think (like me) that your partner has the capacity to be faithful, then you also have the capacity to be faithful. Go ye and do likewise.
If a man can be forgiven for cheating, a woman can also be forgiven for cheating. If a woman should be lynched for cheating, so should a man. A man's cheating is not better than a woman's cheating and a woman's cheating is not worse than a man's cheating. No amount testosterone, oestrogen or progesterone can change it.
The child a cheating woman conceives may belong to her husband or the side guy. A DNA test will cure the confusion. That's the same test that a cheating man needs to conduct when his side chic tells him she's pregnant. One is not more expensive than the other. If you choose to have more than one partner, at least have enough sense to use protection so that you will not involve innocent children in your selfishness. Also, you need to help us reduce the spread of STIs/STDs/AIDS. Your behavior is not helping...
Someone told me of a radio show where women were asked to choose between A) Faithful and Stingy Husband and B) Benevolent and Unfaithful Husband. As usual, I chose C) Benevolent and Faithful Husband.
While I am averse to A or B, there is still an option D - Unfaithful and Stingy Husband. That's double jeopardy mehn... My friend, choose a struggle...
The bottom line for me is "If you can't take it, don't serve it to others". Obey the Golden Rule , my friend... Have you eaten?
If you say cheating is bad (like me), then don't cheat (and expect your spouse to stay in the War Room, praying against the strange man/woman). If you say it's natural for a man/woman to cheat, then understand when your spouse cheats too.
Personally, I think if you believe you can't be faithful to a partner, either stay unmarried and continue fornicating or let your partner know that your vows don't include faithfulness. Be reasonable enough to understand that your partner also cannot be faithful to one partner for the same reasons that you can't be.
If you think (like me) that your partner has the capacity to be faithful, then you also have the capacity to be faithful. Go ye and do likewise.
If a man can be forgiven for cheating, a woman can also be forgiven for cheating. If a woman should be lynched for cheating, so should a man. A man's cheating is not better than a woman's cheating and a woman's cheating is not worse than a man's cheating. No amount testosterone, oestrogen or progesterone can change it.
The child a cheating woman conceives may belong to her husband or the side guy. A DNA test will cure the confusion. That's the same test that a cheating man needs to conduct when his side chic tells him she's pregnant. One is not more expensive than the other. If you choose to have more than one partner, at least have enough sense to use protection so that you will not involve innocent children in your selfishness. Also, you need to help us reduce the spread of STIs/STDs/AIDS. Your behavior is not helping...
Someone told me of a radio show where women were asked to choose between A) Faithful and Stingy Husband and B) Benevolent and Unfaithful Husband. As usual, I chose C) Benevolent and Faithful Husband.
While I am averse to A or B, there is still an option D - Unfaithful and Stingy Husband. That's double jeopardy mehn... My friend, choose a struggle...
The bottom line for me is "If you can't take it, don't serve it to others". Obey the Golden Rule , my friend... Have you eaten?
Sunday, January 22, 2017
About Erectile Dysfunction
There is gist on Facebook about Erectile Dysfunction and this is my response:
Dear man,
If you are dealing with Erectile Dysfunction (ED), I understand that you feel ashamed. I don't think you should feel ashamed but I guess you've been told over and over again that you are worthless if you can't get "it" up. It's not true but let's not even focus on that.
Many women will stay with a man who is open and honest and tries to fix the issue (ED can be treated, so you're not hopeless). What frustrates many women is when the man ignores her sexual urges with words like "Sex is not food" and it's variants. Don't listen to those that claim that women don't have sexual urges. It is not true.
Please open up to your wife and see a urologist, if you are dealing with Erectile Dysfunction.
Wife, please show your husband the necessary support and love as he works through the issue. Don't wound him emotionally with mockery. If you are guilty of this, you need to fall on your knees and repent. Apologize to him and ask for his forgiveness. Then show him support in the ways that matter to HIM as he seeks medical solutions.
Please feel free to share what you know that is PROVEN about Erectile Dysfunction.
Good morning.
Dear man,
If you are dealing with Erectile Dysfunction (ED), I understand that you feel ashamed. I don't think you should feel ashamed but I guess you've been told over and over again that you are worthless if you can't get "it" up. It's not true but let's not even focus on that.
Many women will stay with a man who is open and honest and tries to fix the issue (ED can be treated, so you're not hopeless). What frustrates many women is when the man ignores her sexual urges with words like "Sex is not food" and it's variants. Don't listen to those that claim that women don't have sexual urges. It is not true.
Please open up to your wife and see a urologist, if you are dealing with Erectile Dysfunction.
Wife, please show your husband the necessary support and love as he works through the issue. Don't wound him emotionally with mockery. If you are guilty of this, you need to fall on your knees and repent. Apologize to him and ask for his forgiveness. Then show him support in the ways that matter to HIM as he seeks medical solutions.
Please feel free to share what you know that is PROVEN about Erectile Dysfunction.
Good morning.
Sunday, December 4, 2016
ABOUT TALKING MORE
There is something that concerns me about this generation...
Person A will be happily married to or courting Person B (at least in their minds). One day, they will log on to Facebook and somehow scroll till they get to "The Women Stories". They'll see a post that starts with "From my inbox" and something will make them stop and read.
As Person A reads through the post, he/she starts to feel like the story sounds familiar. So, he/she sends a message to the page and after a few questions here and there, they discover that they were not being paranoid. Person B had actually preferred to tell Hephzibah Oyinda the thing wey dey pepper them for body (due credits to Nora Oma Patrick) than to talk to the person they took vows with and share a house with (or are planning to).
Person A is rudely jolted into the reality that the marriage/relationship they thought was a happy one is not so happy after all? Person A now has to make a choice. Should he/she wash their dirty linen in public (and even make up stories to discredit the witness) or should he/she take the high road and initiate counselling?
Personally, my inbox is open to anyone that needs to vent (just go straight to the point after greeting me ONCE abeg. Data don cost). The first question I usually ask when you start complaining about your spouse/intended is usually "Have you discussed this with him/her?" Then ridiculous answers start.
The ones that amuse me the most are the ones from women that don't want to come across to the "Lion King" they are married to as being "unsubmissive". Seriously, are you listening to yourself? Which one is more disrespectful? What you are doing or having a civil conversation with your (soon-to-be) life partner?
Any spouse/intended that you cannot have a civil conversation with is a red flag. If you are married, it is a sign that you probably need to head to marriage clinic (marital counselling). I know at least one counselor that can help you. I'll be happy to make the connection, if you can't reach her yourself. If you are still courting, it is a red flag and a show stopper. Spouse that you can't have a civil conversation with and resolve issues amicably, is that one spouse? Better let the "competition" 'win' him/her and go for Thanksgiving for deliverance from destiny drainers...
If abuse is involved, please take steps to preserve your life. You need to be alive to be married or to be courting. There is no special reward in heaven or punishment in hell for people who were killed by their spouses/intended; those are lies from the pits of hell. Precious in the eyes of the Lord is the death of His saints. God prefers you to stay alive, well and prosperous. If you are the abuser, get help. Get in touch and let's help you get counselling.
Please let's create a conducive environment for productive conversations in our relationships. Enjoy your day.
Person A will be happily married to or courting Person B (at least in their minds). One day, they will log on to Facebook and somehow scroll till they get to "The Women Stories". They'll see a post that starts with "From my inbox" and something will make them stop and read.
As Person A reads through the post, he/she starts to feel like the story sounds familiar. So, he/she sends a message to the page and after a few questions here and there, they discover that they were not being paranoid. Person B had actually preferred to tell Hephzibah Oyinda the thing wey dey pepper them for body (due credits to Nora Oma Patrick) than to talk to the person they took vows with and share a house with (or are planning to).
Person A is rudely jolted into the reality that the marriage/relationship they thought was a happy one is not so happy after all? Person A now has to make a choice. Should he/she wash their dirty linen in public (and even make up stories to discredit the witness) or should he/she take the high road and initiate counselling?
Personally, my inbox is open to anyone that needs to vent (just go straight to the point after greeting me ONCE abeg. Data don cost). The first question I usually ask when you start complaining about your spouse/intended is usually "Have you discussed this with him/her?" Then ridiculous answers start.
The ones that amuse me the most are the ones from women that don't want to come across to the "Lion King" they are married to as being "unsubmissive". Seriously, are you listening to yourself? Which one is more disrespectful? What you are doing or having a civil conversation with your (soon-to-be) life partner?
Any spouse/intended that you cannot have a civil conversation with is a red flag. If you are married, it is a sign that you probably need to head to marriage clinic (marital counselling). I know at least one counselor that can help you. I'll be happy to make the connection, if you can't reach her yourself. If you are still courting, it is a red flag and a show stopper. Spouse that you can't have a civil conversation with and resolve issues amicably, is that one spouse? Better let the "competition" 'win' him/her and go for Thanksgiving for deliverance from destiny drainers...
If abuse is involved, please take steps to preserve your life. You need to be alive to be married or to be courting. There is no special reward in heaven or punishment in hell for people who were killed by their spouses/intended; those are lies from the pits of hell. Precious in the eyes of the Lord is the death of His saints. God prefers you to stay alive, well and prosperous. If you are the abuser, get help. Get in touch and let's help you get counselling.
Please let's create a conducive environment for productive conversations in our relationships. Enjoy your day.
Saturday, December 3, 2016
Submission Series - The Disciples and Demons
Luke 10:16-18
New International Version (NIV)
“Whoever listens to you listens to me; whoever rejects you rejects me; but whoever rejects me rejects him who sent me.” The seventy-two returned with joy and said, “Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name.” He replied, “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven.
Thank you for staying with me so far. I appreciate every feedback I have received since I started the series. I am equally learning from others.
This is the fourth post in the series. The links to the previous three posts are below.
Today, we're skipping to the account of the seventy disciples Jesus sent out IN HIS NAME. I know a couple of us are uncomfortable with demons. Actually, I'm one of the "couple", lol. I wanted to skip this verse too but I was led to stop and read again. Then, I got the message I am about to share.
We know demons are rebellious and disobedient, right. In Nigerian street language, "dem no dey look Uche's face". In spite of the rebellious and disobedient nature, they submitted to the disciples that had the power of delegation to use the name of Jesus.
They did not necessarily have to like the way the disciples were dressed or how the disciples addressed them. They obviously would not have liked what the disciples were telling them to do. However, they understood authority enough to know that they had to respect the Name of Jesus. For as long as the disciples had the authority to use the name of Jesus, the demons had to submit to the Name.
On the part of the disciples, they had to follow Jesus' instructions to the letter in order to retain the delegated authority. Imagine if one of them had decided to cast out demons in his personal name. Or if someone that Jesus did not send decided to go with the sent ones? Is that not what happened to the Seven Sons of Sceva? They tried to cast out demons in the Name of Jesus without delegated authority. They got the beating of their lives. The people became afraid and those closet magicians masquerading as Christians brought out all their secret weapons. Then, the Word of God grew mightily and prevailed in the city of Ephesus (Acts 19: 14-20)
Women are hopefully not rebellious and disobedient like demons. Our submission is not because of how we feel about the man. Our submission to the husband is because we understand authority. For as long as what the man is asking us to do is consistent with the will of the Almighty, we submit to him. If his requests are ungodly, we are not under any obligation to obey him. You can respectfully disagree and if you are concerned about your personal safety as you disagree, please take the necessary precautions.
Husbands, your wife is only obligated to submit to you when what you are asking her to do is consistent with the will of the Almighty. You can't use submission as a tool of manipulating your wife to do anything you please. Go and sort yourself out with the Almighty if you are experiencing resistance from your wife on the matter you are pushing for. God's response may surprise you. He actually asked Abraham to listen to his wife, Sarah, once when they had a difference of opinion. You are a delegate so your authority is limited to the extent to which you have submitted to the Almighty. You can't be mandating your wife to help you abort the pregnancy you planted in your househelp and be expecting her to "submit". That's a crime and her joining you makes her a criminal too.
I am sure I have not exhausted all that can be learnt in this scripture. Please feel free to share your thoughts.
Enjoy your day.
Previous Posts
Submission Series - Sarah and Hagar
http://adf.ly/1gJPNp
Submission Series - Joseph and the Egyptians
http://adf.ly/1gJPas
Submission Series - The Lord and His people
http://adf.ly/1gLimg
New International Version (NIV)
“Whoever listens to you listens to me; whoever rejects you rejects me; but whoever rejects me rejects him who sent me.” The seventy-two returned with joy and said, “Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name.” He replied, “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven.
Thank you for staying with me so far. I appreciate every feedback I have received since I started the series. I am equally learning from others.
This is the fourth post in the series. The links to the previous three posts are below.
Today, we're skipping to the account of the seventy disciples Jesus sent out IN HIS NAME. I know a couple of us are uncomfortable with demons. Actually, I'm one of the "couple", lol. I wanted to skip this verse too but I was led to stop and read again. Then, I got the message I am about to share.
We know demons are rebellious and disobedient, right. In Nigerian street language, "dem no dey look Uche's face". In spite of the rebellious and disobedient nature, they submitted to the disciples that had the power of delegation to use the name of Jesus.
They did not necessarily have to like the way the disciples were dressed or how the disciples addressed them. They obviously would not have liked what the disciples were telling them to do. However, they understood authority enough to know that they had to respect the Name of Jesus. For as long as the disciples had the authority to use the name of Jesus, the demons had to submit to the Name.
On the part of the disciples, they had to follow Jesus' instructions to the letter in order to retain the delegated authority. Imagine if one of them had decided to cast out demons in his personal name. Or if someone that Jesus did not send decided to go with the sent ones? Is that not what happened to the Seven Sons of Sceva? They tried to cast out demons in the Name of Jesus without delegated authority. They got the beating of their lives. The people became afraid and those closet magicians masquerading as Christians brought out all their secret weapons. Then, the Word of God grew mightily and prevailed in the city of Ephesus (Acts 19: 14-20)
Women are hopefully not rebellious and disobedient like demons. Our submission is not because of how we feel about the man. Our submission to the husband is because we understand authority. For as long as what the man is asking us to do is consistent with the will of the Almighty, we submit to him. If his requests are ungodly, we are not under any obligation to obey him. You can respectfully disagree and if you are concerned about your personal safety as you disagree, please take the necessary precautions.
Husbands, your wife is only obligated to submit to you when what you are asking her to do is consistent with the will of the Almighty. You can't use submission as a tool of manipulating your wife to do anything you please. Go and sort yourself out with the Almighty if you are experiencing resistance from your wife on the matter you are pushing for. God's response may surprise you. He actually asked Abraham to listen to his wife, Sarah, once when they had a difference of opinion. You are a delegate so your authority is limited to the extent to which you have submitted to the Almighty. You can't be mandating your wife to help you abort the pregnancy you planted in your househelp and be expecting her to "submit". That's a crime and her joining you makes her a criminal too.
I am sure I have not exhausted all that can be learnt in this scripture. Please feel free to share your thoughts.
Enjoy your day.
Previous Posts
Submission Series - Sarah and Hagar
http://adf.ly/1gJPNp
Submission Series - Joseph and the Egyptians
http://adf.ly/1gJPas
Submission Series - The Lord and His people
http://adf.ly/1gLimg
Thursday, December 1, 2016
Submission Series - The Lord and His People
Good day. How are you doing? Thanks for staying with me as I attempt to address the controversial "S" word.
This is the third post in the series. The first two posts are on the blog. Today's Scripture is
2 Chronicles 30:7-9
New International Version (NIV)
Do not be like your parents and your fellow Israelites, who were unfaithful to the Lord, the God of their ancestors, so that he made them an object of horror, as you see. Do not be stiff-necked, as your ancestors were; submit to the Lord. Come to his sanctuary, which he has consecrated forever. Serve the Lord your God, so that his fierce anger will turn away from you. If you return to the Lord, then your fellow Israelites and your children will be shown compassion by their captors and will return to this land, for the Lord your God is gracious and compassionate. He will not turn his face from you if you return to him.”
The word that stood out to me in that passage is "stiff-necked". Let's study the word a bit; it will help us understand the word "submission" a bit more as they are antonyms.
The synonyms of "stiff-necked" are - obstinate, stubborn, arrogant, haughty, high-handed, pompous.
Who wants an obstinate team mate? How about a stubborn one? Who wants an arrogant partner? What about a pompous one?
Submit to the Lord. Be easily led by Him (or His delegate). Don't be stubborn. There are benefits attached to being submissive to the Lord (and His delegate).
Please feel free to share your thoughts and views on this passage.
Enjoy your day.
This is the third post in the series. The first two posts are on the blog. Today's Scripture is
2 Chronicles 30:7-9
New International Version (NIV)
Do not be like your parents and your fellow Israelites, who were unfaithful to the Lord, the God of their ancestors, so that he made them an object of horror, as you see. Do not be stiff-necked, as your ancestors were; submit to the Lord. Come to his sanctuary, which he has consecrated forever. Serve the Lord your God, so that his fierce anger will turn away from you. If you return to the Lord, then your fellow Israelites and your children will be shown compassion by their captors and will return to this land, for the Lord your God is gracious and compassionate. He will not turn his face from you if you return to him.”
The word that stood out to me in that passage is "stiff-necked". Let's study the word a bit; it will help us understand the word "submission" a bit more as they are antonyms.
The synonyms of "stiff-necked" are - obstinate, stubborn, arrogant, haughty, high-handed, pompous.
Who wants an obstinate team mate? How about a stubborn one? Who wants an arrogant partner? What about a pompous one?
Submit to the Lord. Be easily led by Him (or His delegate). Don't be stubborn. There are benefits attached to being submissive to the Lord (and His delegate).
Please feel free to share your thoughts and views on this passage.
Enjoy your day.
Wednesday, November 30, 2016
Submission Series - Joseph and The Egyptians
Good day. Thanks a lot for the feedback on the post on Sarah and Hagar. I appreciate every perspective that was shared. I hope to address the issues raised as much as possible as I progress with the series.
I managed to miss out yesterday that God promised to establish Hagar and those particular blessings were tied to her submission (to Sarai) in that situation. I hope to expound on this as the series progresses.
This post is the second in the series. The first one is about Sarah and Hagar. Here is the scripture for today:
Genesis 41:39-41
New International Version (NIV)
Then Pharaoh said to Joseph, “Since God has made all this known to you, there is no one so discerning and wise as you. You shall be in charge of my palace, and all my people are to submit to your orders. Only with respect to the throne will I be greater than you.” So, Pharaoh said to Joseph, “I hereby put you in charge of the whole land of Egypt.”
In this instance, Pharaoh proclaimed to Joseph, in the presence of whoever was in his palace that day, that Joseph was in charge of all his palace and his people were to SUBMIT to Joseph's orders.
Why were the Egyptians supposed to submit to Joseph's orders? Because Pharaoh said so! It didn't matter whether they liked Joseph or not. They didn't even have to like what Joseph was asking them to do but they were to submit to his orders anyway. (Hopefully, the wife should agree to marry a man whom she respects). However, there is a catch!
What if Joseph was asking them to do something that was in DIRECT conflict with what they KNEW Pharaoh wanted? For example, what if Joseph ordered them to move from Egypt to where Jacob and his brothers were and asked them to establish a new kingdom and leave Pharaoh alone in Egypt? Where the Egyptians to submit to that kind of order from Joseph? No! Why? Because Joseph's authority was DELEGATED authority. His authority derived it's legitimacy from Pharaoh and Joseph could only issue orders that were consistent with what Pharaoh approved.
When he wanted to introduce taxes, he had to get approval from Pharaoh first. If Pharaoh had said no to the introduction of taxes, Joseph had no authority to ask the Egyptians to pay taxes.
In a marriage where both parties have agreed to do the love/submission thing, the husband has DELEGATED authority. If he is asking his wife to do what is outside of the Lord's will, the wife does not have to obey him. She should obey God rather than man. The man should get his heart right with the Lord and stop abusing his DELEGATED authority. He needs to be obeying the Lord's order before he dares bring up the "S" word.
I am sure there are other lessons to learn from this scripture. Please feel free to share.
#SubmissionSeries
I managed to miss out yesterday that God promised to establish Hagar and those particular blessings were tied to her submission (to Sarai) in that situation. I hope to expound on this as the series progresses.
This post is the second in the series. The first one is about Sarah and Hagar. Here is the scripture for today:
Genesis 41:39-41
New International Version (NIV)
Then Pharaoh said to Joseph, “Since God has made all this known to you, there is no one so discerning and wise as you. You shall be in charge of my palace, and all my people are to submit to your orders. Only with respect to the throne will I be greater than you.” So, Pharaoh said to Joseph, “I hereby put you in charge of the whole land of Egypt.”
In this instance, Pharaoh proclaimed to Joseph, in the presence of whoever was in his palace that day, that Joseph was in charge of all his palace and his people were to SUBMIT to Joseph's orders.
Why were the Egyptians supposed to submit to Joseph's orders? Because Pharaoh said so! It didn't matter whether they liked Joseph or not. They didn't even have to like what Joseph was asking them to do but they were to submit to his orders anyway. (Hopefully, the wife should agree to marry a man whom she respects). However, there is a catch!
What if Joseph was asking them to do something that was in DIRECT conflict with what they KNEW Pharaoh wanted? For example, what if Joseph ordered them to move from Egypt to where Jacob and his brothers were and asked them to establish a new kingdom and leave Pharaoh alone in Egypt? Where the Egyptians to submit to that kind of order from Joseph? No! Why? Because Joseph's authority was DELEGATED authority. His authority derived it's legitimacy from Pharaoh and Joseph could only issue orders that were consistent with what Pharaoh approved.
When he wanted to introduce taxes, he had to get approval from Pharaoh first. If Pharaoh had said no to the introduction of taxes, Joseph had no authority to ask the Egyptians to pay taxes.
In a marriage where both parties have agreed to do the love/submission thing, the husband has DELEGATED authority. If he is asking his wife to do what is outside of the Lord's will, the wife does not have to obey him. She should obey God rather than man. The man should get his heart right with the Lord and stop abusing his DELEGATED authority. He needs to be obeying the Lord's order before he dares bring up the "S" word.
I am sure there are other lessons to learn from this scripture. Please feel free to share.
#SubmissionSeries
Tuesday, November 29, 2016
Submission Series - Sarah and Hagar
I am starting a series on the word "Submission". We know a lot of atrocities have been committed because of that word. We know a lot of people now detest the word. I think it's fair to spend some time to see what the Bible ACTUALLY says about the word. Please feel free to share your thoughts RESPECTFULLY in the comments. No personal attacks, please.
Scripture 1 - Hagar and Sarah
Genesis 16:8-10
New International Version (NIV)
And he said, “Hagar, slave of Sarai, where have you come from, and where are you going?”
“I’m running away from my mistress Sarai,” she answered.
Then the angel of the Lord told her, “Go back to your mistress and submit to her.” The angel added, “I will increase your descendants so much that they will be too numerous to count.”
I can imagine the reaction in some minds... So, God supports slavery? In my opinion, I think God deals with us based on our peculiar circumstances. In this case, we will need to go back to understand how Hagar ended up as Sarah's slave. I don't think this means God supports slavery. Later in Philemon, a slave ran away from his master and Paul basically asked the master to receive his former slave as a dear brother. If I do get to write about slavery in the Scriptures, we will deal with the issue more.
Back to our story, somehow, Hagar ended up as Sarah's slave. Sarah gave Hagar to Abraham as a WIFE in a "surrogacy gone bad" move. Some claim Hagar masterminded the plot but I haven't found anything in the Scriptures that suggests so. Hagar got pregnant and started acting rude to her former madam, now co-wife. Sarah started ill-treating Hagar. Hagar ran away and met an angel on the way.
In my mind, both Sarah and Hagar were wrong and out of line. This verse is how God could deal with the consequences of poor decisions. Apparently, Sarah was unwilling to listen to what God or anyone else had to say in that matter. Hagar was the more vulnerable person in the entire scenario. She was pregnant and now a fugitive. It was in her best interest to return to Abraham and Sarah and bear Sarah's harshness for the time. Later, when she was sent away with her 13 year old son and a bottle of water, she was not as vulnerable. God did not ask her then to return and submit to a mistress that had freed her. He (God) took care of her and her child.
The lesson for me here is that our submission to whoever we are submitting to should be based on what God is telling us to do AT THE TIME.
I am sure there are other lessons to learn from this story. Please feel free to share.
#SubmissionSeries
Scripture 1 - Hagar and Sarah
Genesis 16:8-10
New International Version (NIV)
And he said, “Hagar, slave of Sarai, where have you come from, and where are you going?”
“I’m running away from my mistress Sarai,” she answered.
Then the angel of the Lord told her, “Go back to your mistress and submit to her.” The angel added, “I will increase your descendants so much that they will be too numerous to count.”
I can imagine the reaction in some minds... So, God supports slavery? In my opinion, I think God deals with us based on our peculiar circumstances. In this case, we will need to go back to understand how Hagar ended up as Sarah's slave. I don't think this means God supports slavery. Later in Philemon, a slave ran away from his master and Paul basically asked the master to receive his former slave as a dear brother. If I do get to write about slavery in the Scriptures, we will deal with the issue more.
Back to our story, somehow, Hagar ended up as Sarah's slave. Sarah gave Hagar to Abraham as a WIFE in a "surrogacy gone bad" move. Some claim Hagar masterminded the plot but I haven't found anything in the Scriptures that suggests so. Hagar got pregnant and started acting rude to her former madam, now co-wife. Sarah started ill-treating Hagar. Hagar ran away and met an angel on the way.
In my mind, both Sarah and Hagar were wrong and out of line. This verse is how God could deal with the consequences of poor decisions. Apparently, Sarah was unwilling to listen to what God or anyone else had to say in that matter. Hagar was the more vulnerable person in the entire scenario. She was pregnant and now a fugitive. It was in her best interest to return to Abraham and Sarah and bear Sarah's harshness for the time. Later, when she was sent away with her 13 year old son and a bottle of water, she was not as vulnerable. God did not ask her then to return and submit to a mistress that had freed her. He (God) took care of her and her child.
The lesson for me here is that our submission to whoever we are submitting to should be based on what God is telling us to do AT THE TIME.
I am sure there are other lessons to learn from this story. Please feel free to share.
#SubmissionSeries
Wednesday, November 23, 2016
My Deliverance From The "Virtuous Woman" Syndrome
I got totally cured from the "virtuous woman" syndrome (attending to EVERY chore and not allowing others participate) when I heard of how a fellow "virtuous woman" slumped and died after returning from a Holy Ghost conference.
She worked, cooked, cleaned, took care of the kids and everyone else but herself. She was a year younger than I am. I was especially annoyed when I read the husband's eulogy. He asked what he would do without her. In my mind, the answer was "house chores".
Sir, you can't leave your wife to be caring for and raising the kids you both brought to this world by herself and be acting surprised/amazed/disgusted when it starts telling on her physical appearance/mental health/physical health.
My sister, as you are taking care of everyone else, please take care of yourself too. Don't leave your children motherless because you are trying to "build your home". Your family deserves a physically fit and mentally whole wife/mother. Don't "tight the world to your chest". You will be celebrated, in Jesus'Name.
#YesIAmUpset
#deadbeatfathers
#deadbeatdads
She worked, cooked, cleaned, took care of the kids and everyone else but herself. She was a year younger than I am. I was especially annoyed when I read the husband's eulogy. He asked what he would do without her. In my mind, the answer was "house chores".
Sir, you can't leave your wife to be caring for and raising the kids you both brought to this world by herself and be acting surprised/amazed/disgusted when it starts telling on her physical appearance/mental health/physical health.
My sister, as you are taking care of everyone else, please take care of yourself too. Don't leave your children motherless because you are trying to "build your home". Your family deserves a physically fit and mentally whole wife/mother. Don't "tight the world to your chest". You will be celebrated, in Jesus'Name.
#YesIAmUpset
#deadbeatfathers
#deadbeatdads
Resolving Marital Conflicts Without Involving A Third Party
If you are not open to having "third party" interference, even when they mean well, in your home, then you should be extremely open to hearing what your spouse is actually saying or trying to say at all times.
If you expect your spouse to always open up to you, you need to take even their criticisms (not abuse oooo) in good fate and ask for their opinions on how they think you can improve in the areas that they have pointed out. Agree on a plan that involves both of you. Don't use that opportunity to tell them their areas of weakness, except that was the plan.
If you have to point out your spouse's flaws, be gracious about it. No one naturally takes criticism well. Let them know you value their presence in your life and you are only pointing out the issues because you want their continuous improvement. Come up with a way to address the issue that involves you. That demonstrates your commitment to the relationship. For example, if your wife is medically obese and needs weight management, offer to sign both of you up in the gym and agree to join her in dieting. Be her accountability partner. Don't just tell her "You are overweight, go and do something about it". Your involvement in the weight management program will be a great motivator.
Take time daily to pray with and for your spouse daily. You will be alright! Enjoy your day.
If you expect your spouse to always open up to you, you need to take even their criticisms (not abuse oooo) in good fate and ask for their opinions on how they think you can improve in the areas that they have pointed out. Agree on a plan that involves both of you. Don't use that opportunity to tell them their areas of weakness, except that was the plan.
If you have to point out your spouse's flaws, be gracious about it. No one naturally takes criticism well. Let them know you value their presence in your life and you are only pointing out the issues because you want their continuous improvement. Come up with a way to address the issue that involves you. That demonstrates your commitment to the relationship. For example, if your wife is medically obese and needs weight management, offer to sign both of you up in the gym and agree to join her in dieting. Be her accountability partner. Don't just tell her "You are overweight, go and do something about it". Your involvement in the weight management program will be a great motivator.
Take time daily to pray with and for your spouse daily. You will be alright! Enjoy your day.
Wednesday, November 16, 2016
BROTHER, SPEAK UP
One of my male colleagues ehn...
A few days, someone attacked his work and his come-back was weak. I sincerely believed he had done a shoddy job. I had to go and investigate because it kind of impacts on my own work.
I checked and discovered that he had done a fairly decent job though there is some room for improvement. I told him yesterday that he needs to speak up and lean in and whatever else they usually tell us women.
Today, the matter came up at a meeting and he started to falter as he was being attacked again. So, I hijacked the discussion and firmly told the guys that had entered attack mode that I had checked the work and it wasn't so terrible.
Of course they couldn't attack me the way they had been attacking the guy first because I am a lady and secondly because they KNOW that the matter will not end quickly. I can drag a matter, if I feel strongly enough, for years... 😂😂😂😂
Eventually, they backed down and moved on to another topic. After the meeting, I went to apologize to the owner of the fight for taking over. He started preaching to me about how he likes to let his work speak for him. I tried hard not to roll my eyes, lol.
One thing that pains me is how some guys will be forming "gentleman" and will allow people that I have no decent name for walk over them. Yesterday, I read on Aishatu's wall about a guy who was given a 4 page list (and in fact, there was also a cost of preparing the list sef) as 'bride price'. Most people were bashing the bride price issue. My comment was for the guy to either find a cheaper bride or have a court wedding (statutory marriage).
Personally, I have no qualms with bride price. I just prefer statutory marriage to customary marriage because the rights of both husband and wife are properly protected with the statutory marriage. I'll rather make customary marriage go extinct or be forced to be reformed by advocating for statutory marriage than to try to advocate for the abolishment of the bride price.
There was a comment on that post that came to mind as I reflected about my colleague today. It's about men who, for reasons best known to them, would rather be silent and allow unreasonable people walk over them in a bid to prove that they are gentlemen. My brother, don't let unreasonable people bully you o. You don't need to resort to violence but you need to be firm. There are healthy ways of defining boundaries.
#GenderParity
A few days, someone attacked his work and his come-back was weak. I sincerely believed he had done a shoddy job. I had to go and investigate because it kind of impacts on my own work.
I checked and discovered that he had done a fairly decent job though there is some room for improvement. I told him yesterday that he needs to speak up and lean in and whatever else they usually tell us women.
Today, the matter came up at a meeting and he started to falter as he was being attacked again. So, I hijacked the discussion and firmly told the guys that had entered attack mode that I had checked the work and it wasn't so terrible.
Of course they couldn't attack me the way they had been attacking the guy first because I am a lady and secondly because they KNOW that the matter will not end quickly. I can drag a matter, if I feel strongly enough, for years... 😂😂😂😂
Eventually, they backed down and moved on to another topic. After the meeting, I went to apologize to the owner of the fight for taking over. He started preaching to me about how he likes to let his work speak for him. I tried hard not to roll my eyes, lol.
One thing that pains me is how some guys will be forming "gentleman" and will allow people that I have no decent name for walk over them. Yesterday, I read on Aishatu's wall about a guy who was given a 4 page list (and in fact, there was also a cost of preparing the list sef) as 'bride price'. Most people were bashing the bride price issue. My comment was for the guy to either find a cheaper bride or have a court wedding (statutory marriage).
Personally, I have no qualms with bride price. I just prefer statutory marriage to customary marriage because the rights of both husband and wife are properly protected with the statutory marriage. I'll rather make customary marriage go extinct or be forced to be reformed by advocating for statutory marriage than to try to advocate for the abolishment of the bride price.
There was a comment on that post that came to mind as I reflected about my colleague today. It's about men who, for reasons best known to them, would rather be silent and allow unreasonable people walk over them in a bid to prove that they are gentlemen. My brother, don't let unreasonable people bully you o. You don't need to resort to violence but you need to be firm. There are healthy ways of defining boundaries.
#GenderParity
Thursday, October 13, 2016
Decision Making For Girls
I've been thinking...
I think that, on the average, girls are not taught DECISION-MAKING. I believe decision-making is an art that gets better and better as one exercises his or her brain.
Women, on the average, have someone trying to plan how their lives should go, particularly in these parts. If it's not a father trying to tell her which school to attend or which course to study, it's an uncle trying to tell her which apartment to rent. Sometimes, it's her well-meaning cousin trying to tell her where/how to invest her money or a nice boyfriend trying to tell her who she should keep as friends. Or it's the well-meaning husband trying to ensure that she doesn't lack any good thing so he kills himself trying to provide.
Of course there are malicious men trying to take advantage of her but sometimes, when she is surrounded by well-meaning people, her development is still stunted because she isn't allowed to improve her decision-making skills.
I am speaking as a woman who struggled in this area for long and I am still struggling to overcome the natural tendency to find someone to hide behind when there are tough decisions to be made. I started breaking out of it when on a few occasions, my husband REFUSED to take my tough decisions for me. I kept telling him that as the head of the home, he should have the final say but he asked me what I FELT the right decision should be... I had no clue because I am used to having someone else deal with the really tough decisions.
I am getting better with decision-making now but I realize it is a very tough turf for someone like me who normally beats herself up when there is a negative outcome as a result of my decisions. I find it easier when someone else took the decision that ended terribly. I try not to say "I told you so" but I inwardly laugh and tell myself "Thank God, I'm not the one that got us here"...Lol.
What I've pledged to do with my child(ren) is to start giving them opportunities to make decisions as early as possible... Start teaching them that today's decisions have consequences tomorrow... And helping them connect the consequences with the decisions...
How is the day going?
Monday, October 3, 2016
When A Child Bedwets
I put up this post and the responses are definitely worth saving.
Question:
Is it okay to shame a 3 year old because she bedwetted? She had a busy day and she wet the bed that night. She doesn't usually bedwet, though...
Please feel free to share tips on what can be done to help the girl stop the occasional bedwetting. Thanks
Jamila Rumah- Bawa
It's not okay to shame anyone for bed wetting. Bedwetting for kids is usually because they are too tired after playing all day (that's if they are not being abused, then it's a different case....it might now be anxiety).
Older children and adults can also bedwet from anxiety. It is really unfair to shame anyone for things that they will not do on purpose.
Abeg kiss her and tell her mama understands. Kids remember everything....
Bunmi Arokoyo
Please no shaming whatever happens. I'm sure she feels bad already. Encourage her and since its not the usual let her no whenever she dreams and sees herself peeing its her cue to get up.
Onime Ugbowie
It is very wrong to shame any child.
Two tips I can give concerning it is that she shouldn't drink water at least 2 hours before she sleeps and also during the night she should be taken to the toilet to pee. Possibly she would be sleepy so she should be carried but once her panties is removed and she is put on the toilet seat she would pee. Years ago we had one of my dad's tenant' s son come stay over because my dad's tenants had to travel. Now this boy was 10 o but was still bedwetting so we would wake him up by 12am inshort we had to drag him to the toilet because if you like use plank to wake him he wouldn't o, so some days we would be too tired to carry him to the toilet those days he would bedwet. If a child is still bedwetting, there's no need for shaming just check his or her diet and ensure you wake the child to go to the toilet but if from 14years the child is still bedwetting then that's behavioural disorder n needs to be addressed.
Ozzie Chinwe
The mother should be more active in getting her up. She should also figure out what the pattern of occasional bedwetting is so she can analyse it.
Nneka Thelma N'Kenda-Bikoumou
First of all, at 3 it isn't considered bedwetting (as per the medical condition) because bedwetting is considered from 6yrs. Anything under simply means the child isn't night time potty trained. Even if you feel you have potty trained the child, the child's bladder may not be mature enough to be potty trained. As per your question, at any age the answer is no. If the child is over 6 try and find out if there is something wrong. Under 6yrs just chill. Its not even advised to wake them up at night or restrict water intake because those are unnatural methods, that the child can become dependent on. For more info check out baby centre website and other websites on kids development.
Depending on what the situation is, she can still put the baby in night time pull ups. Professionals advice that, even in older kids so that the bedwetting can be discrete and not lead to them being mocked by others ( though mocking a 3 year old for wetting the bed is silly but we know our people). I have a friend who had to do that for her 7 year old who got traumatized after his paternal grandmother beat him with a stick for bedwetting. With a lot of reassuring, it stopped after a few months.
Ifreke Ekpenyong
A child should attain bladder continence by age 5...after that age, you can figure out what to do but definitely not shaming.
Tosin Ademuyiwa
It's not ok ooooo !!! She's just 3yrs old na!!! The best thing is to help her by making her wee before bed and first thing in the morning around 5-6 am. From my experience, most kids bed wet from between 5-6am if you make them wee before bed!! Once you establish a routine for them, they automatically wake up at that time and go themselves so long as there are no underlying issues!!
Grace Adesina
Early supper, less of drinking late into the night. Explore whether she is worried about any issue or whether there is bullying in school. Wake her up to empty her bladder every 2 hours .I know this is difficult. We also have this alarm available in the NHS to wake the child up once it senses that the child might urinate. It's been observed that children wriggle in a certain way before they wet the bed so this alarm picks this type of movement and go off, this wakes the child up to urinate.It is ineffective for children who sleep deeply because they can sleep through the alarm no matter how loud it sounds. Deep sleeping is another reason why some children bed wet. Pray with her that she will wake up on time to ease herself. Explore whether she has any kidney or urinary tract infection or defect. Remember being able to control the bladder in childhood is a function of maturity of nervous system especially in boys. She will grow out of it.
Joan O Aina
Never ok. We all gain control over our bladders at different stages. The day time is the first for obvious reason- we are awake. Night time comes later with support. There are teenagers who accidentally wet the bed because they are deep sleepers. There are elderly who wet the bed because they loose muscle tone or due to chronic conditions.
A child is not fully expected to be independent with bladder control until school age. Even in kindergarten, they get regular toilet breaks. So, no shaming for a one- off accident but support. Let the child know it is an accident, and he or she will be ok. As suggested practical solutions and actions are best.
Titilayomi Ladunni
It is not okay, at the same time not abnormal at her age. The causes for bed wetting may include late dinner, playfulness, laziness to wake up , drinking too much water,& sound sleep after busy day @ school . To avoid bed wetting, take care of the mentioned points. Parents however need to monitor the child, e. g waking her up at intervals to urinate until the child get used to waking up herself.
Question:
Is it okay to shame a 3 year old because she bedwetted? She had a busy day and she wet the bed that night. She doesn't usually bedwet, though...
Please feel free to share tips on what can be done to help the girl stop the occasional bedwetting. Thanks
Jamila Rumah- Bawa
It's not okay to shame anyone for bed wetting. Bedwetting for kids is usually because they are too tired after playing all day (that's if they are not being abused, then it's a different case....it might now be anxiety).
Older children and adults can also bedwet from anxiety. It is really unfair to shame anyone for things that they will not do on purpose.
Abeg kiss her and tell her mama understands. Kids remember everything....
Bunmi Arokoyo
Please no shaming whatever happens. I'm sure she feels bad already. Encourage her and since its not the usual let her no whenever she dreams and sees herself peeing its her cue to get up.
Onime Ugbowie
It is very wrong to shame any child.
Two tips I can give concerning it is that she shouldn't drink water at least 2 hours before she sleeps and also during the night she should be taken to the toilet to pee. Possibly she would be sleepy so she should be carried but once her panties is removed and she is put on the toilet seat she would pee. Years ago we had one of my dad's tenant' s son come stay over because my dad's tenants had to travel. Now this boy was 10 o but was still bedwetting so we would wake him up by 12am inshort we had to drag him to the toilet because if you like use plank to wake him he wouldn't o, so some days we would be too tired to carry him to the toilet those days he would bedwet. If a child is still bedwetting, there's no need for shaming just check his or her diet and ensure you wake the child to go to the toilet but if from 14years the child is still bedwetting then that's behavioural disorder n needs to be addressed.
Ozzie Chinwe
The mother should be more active in getting her up. She should also figure out what the pattern of occasional bedwetting is so she can analyse it.
Nneka Thelma N'Kenda-Bikoumou
First of all, at 3 it isn't considered bedwetting (as per the medical condition) because bedwetting is considered from 6yrs. Anything under simply means the child isn't night time potty trained. Even if you feel you have potty trained the child, the child's bladder may not be mature enough to be potty trained. As per your question, at any age the answer is no. If the child is over 6 try and find out if there is something wrong. Under 6yrs just chill. Its not even advised to wake them up at night or restrict water intake because those are unnatural methods, that the child can become dependent on. For more info check out baby centre website and other websites on kids development.
Depending on what the situation is, she can still put the baby in night time pull ups. Professionals advice that, even in older kids so that the bedwetting can be discrete and not lead to them being mocked by others ( though mocking a 3 year old for wetting the bed is silly but we know our people). I have a friend who had to do that for her 7 year old who got traumatized after his paternal grandmother beat him with a stick for bedwetting. With a lot of reassuring, it stopped after a few months.
Ifreke Ekpenyong
A child should attain bladder continence by age 5...after that age, you can figure out what to do but definitely not shaming.
Tosin Ademuyiwa
It's not ok ooooo !!! She's just 3yrs old na!!! The best thing is to help her by making her wee before bed and first thing in the morning around 5-6 am. From my experience, most kids bed wet from between 5-6am if you make them wee before bed!! Once you establish a routine for them, they automatically wake up at that time and go themselves so long as there are no underlying issues!!
Grace Adesina
Early supper, less of drinking late into the night. Explore whether she is worried about any issue or whether there is bullying in school. Wake her up to empty her bladder every 2 hours .I know this is difficult. We also have this alarm available in the NHS to wake the child up once it senses that the child might urinate. It's been observed that children wriggle in a certain way before they wet the bed so this alarm picks this type of movement and go off, this wakes the child up to urinate.It is ineffective for children who sleep deeply because they can sleep through the alarm no matter how loud it sounds. Deep sleeping is another reason why some children bed wet. Pray with her that she will wake up on time to ease herself. Explore whether she has any kidney or urinary tract infection or defect. Remember being able to control the bladder in childhood is a function of maturity of nervous system especially in boys. She will grow out of it.
Joan O Aina
Never ok. We all gain control over our bladders at different stages. The day time is the first for obvious reason- we are awake. Night time comes later with support. There are teenagers who accidentally wet the bed because they are deep sleepers. There are elderly who wet the bed because they loose muscle tone or due to chronic conditions.
A child is not fully expected to be independent with bladder control until school age. Even in kindergarten, they get regular toilet breaks. So, no shaming for a one- off accident but support. Let the child know it is an accident, and he or she will be ok. As suggested practical solutions and actions are best.
Titilayomi Ladunni
It is not okay, at the same time not abnormal at her age. The causes for bed wetting may include late dinner, playfulness, laziness to wake up , drinking too much water,& sound sleep after busy day @ school . To avoid bed wetting, take care of the mentioned points. Parents however need to monitor the child, e. g waking her up at intervals to urinate until the child get used to waking up herself.
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