I respect anyone's decision to stick it out and forgive anything their spouse does. It's noble, really. However, I don't agree with those who expect others to live by their personal choices.
If the spouse of a philanderer (a serial adulterer) came to me for counsel, I'll lay ALL cards on the table. Based on my understanding of the scriptures, there is an allowance for divorce (by the hurt spouse) in this instance but he/she cannot remarry. If they cannot 'hold body', my understanding is that they are to be reconciled to their spouse. If the hurt party tells me he/she cannot 'hold body', my counsel is for them to stay and work things out while ensuring they use protection every time they're intimate with the philandering spouse. If the hurt party say they can do without, the choice of staying and working things out or walking away WITHOUT bitterness is actually theirs.
If a person abandons his/her spouse; I think the other party should explore all legitimate avenues for reconciliation. If the abandoning party insists, my understanding is that the abandoned party is free to remarry.
The Bible gives allowance for divorce but it isn't compulsory that one must use those allowances. If one's spouse is hurting him/her consistently or if they walk away, divorce IS an option. I also think we need to stop sending signals that divorce is the unpardonable sin. I know divorce is undesirable but it isn't unpardonable. When Jesus spoke with the woman at the well, he recognized that she had had 5 HUSBANDS! He recognized all the 5 previous unions. He also told her that the one she was currently living with was not her husband (before someone starts teaching me Hebrew, Greek and Latin words, lol). For the record, any marriage conducted in accordance with the laws of the land where the couple celebrated their union is legal and has God's support. You can follow my Nigerian Marriage Act Review on hobcommentary.blogspot.com for more about legal marriages in Nigeria.
Anyone telling you that the person you married (legally o) is not God's will for you is practising witchcraft, run away from them. Like I said earlier, God will defend the marriage covenant. I'll talk more about this in my letter to the "Other Person". Be careful not to mess with God. As loving as He is, my God is a consuming fire...#BeGuided.
I've read about some that believe that God only recognises the first marriage and for others, it's only a "sex covenant"...I can't find any portion of the Bible that supports that position (Please feel free to share any scripture that does). Like I said, divorce IS an option, though not desirable. I believe a person whose unbelieving spouse filed for divorce (I'll add PERSONALLY, "for unjust reasons") is free to remarry. That's my understanding of 1 Corinthians 7: 15.
There's the question of if it is a believing spouse that filed for divorce. It isn't resolved in my mind. I think a believing spouse shouldn't file for divorce but I'll love to hear from you about this. I've read an account where the believing spouse said she had to file for divorce because remaining legally married to the man meant she had to bear his many financial burdens. Like Paul, I don't have a command from the Lord on this matter. I'll love to say that you should find a way to avoid having to bear the financial burden without filing for divorce but only the person wearing the shoes know where it pinches.
A friend said to me, and I agree, that though "God hates divorce" (I think we need to read the whole passage to get the context though, i.e. Malachi 2: 10-17), He loves the divorcee. I find it ironic that it's the injured party we tend to tell that God hates divorce while we walk on eggshells around the party actually breaking their vows.
There are so many diverse reasons why marriages end in divorce. Some of the reasons are fickle and I do not support such divorces. However, telling someone who has already finalized such a divorce that God hates divorce isn't helpful, in my opinion. I think the proper message to such a person is that he/she is valuable to God. If possible, one can mediate between both parties FAIRLY and work towards reconciliation.
In cases where the issues are weighty, eg adultery, abuse etc, I think the first step is to try to get help for the party that broke the marital vows while offering support to the injured party. There should also be focus on helping the injured party avoid getting bitter. Again, the "God hates divorce" mantra isn't helpful here, in my opinion. Hopefully, the couple may eventually reconcile (I am an optimist, lol) and in some cases, they may never reconcile...That's a fact of life.
Then, there's the case of those that abandon their spouses, travel to a "far country" and then return to find that the other party has remarried. In my opinion, that door is closed...at least while the other marriage is valid.
I know divorce is uncomfortable to think about. However, we have people among us that may have legitimate reasons to consider the option as well as those that have gone ahead with divorce. I believe our gospel is incomplete if we exclude divorcees; they are part of the world that Jesus' blood was shed for.
Thanks for taking the time to read my long sermon. Enjoy your day.
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