Thursday, October 13, 2016
Decision Making For Girls
I've been thinking...
I think that, on the average, girls are not taught DECISION-MAKING. I believe decision-making is an art that gets better and better as one exercises his or her brain.
Women, on the average, have someone trying to plan how their lives should go, particularly in these parts. If it's not a father trying to tell her which school to attend or which course to study, it's an uncle trying to tell her which apartment to rent. Sometimes, it's her well-meaning cousin trying to tell her where/how to invest her money or a nice boyfriend trying to tell her who she should keep as friends. Or it's the well-meaning husband trying to ensure that she doesn't lack any good thing so he kills himself trying to provide.
Of course there are malicious men trying to take advantage of her but sometimes, when she is surrounded by well-meaning people, her development is still stunted because she isn't allowed to improve her decision-making skills.
I am speaking as a woman who struggled in this area for long and I am still struggling to overcome the natural tendency to find someone to hide behind when there are tough decisions to be made. I started breaking out of it when on a few occasions, my husband REFUSED to take my tough decisions for me. I kept telling him that as the head of the home, he should have the final say but he asked me what I FELT the right decision should be... I had no clue because I am used to having someone else deal with the really tough decisions.
I am getting better with decision-making now but I realize it is a very tough turf for someone like me who normally beats herself up when there is a negative outcome as a result of my decisions. I find it easier when someone else took the decision that ended terribly. I try not to say "I told you so" but I inwardly laugh and tell myself "Thank God, I'm not the one that got us here"...Lol.
What I've pledged to do with my child(ren) is to start giving them opportunities to make decisions as early as possible... Start teaching them that today's decisions have consequences tomorrow... And helping them connect the consequences with the decisions...
How is the day going?
Monday, October 3, 2016
When A Child Bedwets
I put up this post and the responses are definitely worth saving.
Question:
Is it okay to shame a 3 year old because she bedwetted? She had a busy day and she wet the bed that night. She doesn't usually bedwet, though...
Please feel free to share tips on what can be done to help the girl stop the occasional bedwetting. Thanks
Jamila Rumah- Bawa
It's not okay to shame anyone for bed wetting. Bedwetting for kids is usually because they are too tired after playing all day (that's if they are not being abused, then it's a different case....it might now be anxiety).
Older children and adults can also bedwet from anxiety. It is really unfair to shame anyone for things that they will not do on purpose.
Abeg kiss her and tell her mama understands. Kids remember everything....
Bunmi Arokoyo
Please no shaming whatever happens. I'm sure she feels bad already. Encourage her and since its not the usual let her no whenever she dreams and sees herself peeing its her cue to get up.
Onime Ugbowie
It is very wrong to shame any child.
Two tips I can give concerning it is that she shouldn't drink water at least 2 hours before she sleeps and also during the night she should be taken to the toilet to pee. Possibly she would be sleepy so she should be carried but once her panties is removed and she is put on the toilet seat she would pee. Years ago we had one of my dad's tenant' s son come stay over because my dad's tenants had to travel. Now this boy was 10 o but was still bedwetting so we would wake him up by 12am inshort we had to drag him to the toilet because if you like use plank to wake him he wouldn't o, so some days we would be too tired to carry him to the toilet those days he would bedwet. If a child is still bedwetting, there's no need for shaming just check his or her diet and ensure you wake the child to go to the toilet but if from 14years the child is still bedwetting then that's behavioural disorder n needs to be addressed.
Ozzie Chinwe
The mother should be more active in getting her up. She should also figure out what the pattern of occasional bedwetting is so she can analyse it.
Nneka Thelma N'Kenda-Bikoumou
First of all, at 3 it isn't considered bedwetting (as per the medical condition) because bedwetting is considered from 6yrs. Anything under simply means the child isn't night time potty trained. Even if you feel you have potty trained the child, the child's bladder may not be mature enough to be potty trained. As per your question, at any age the answer is no. If the child is over 6 try and find out if there is something wrong. Under 6yrs just chill. Its not even advised to wake them up at night or restrict water intake because those are unnatural methods, that the child can become dependent on. For more info check out baby centre website and other websites on kids development.
Depending on what the situation is, she can still put the baby in night time pull ups. Professionals advice that, even in older kids so that the bedwetting can be discrete and not lead to them being mocked by others ( though mocking a 3 year old for wetting the bed is silly but we know our people). I have a friend who had to do that for her 7 year old who got traumatized after his paternal grandmother beat him with a stick for bedwetting. With a lot of reassuring, it stopped after a few months.
Ifreke Ekpenyong
A child should attain bladder continence by age 5...after that age, you can figure out what to do but definitely not shaming.
Tosin Ademuyiwa
It's not ok ooooo !!! She's just 3yrs old na!!! The best thing is to help her by making her wee before bed and first thing in the morning around 5-6 am. From my experience, most kids bed wet from between 5-6am if you make them wee before bed!! Once you establish a routine for them, they automatically wake up at that time and go themselves so long as there are no underlying issues!!
Grace Adesina
Early supper, less of drinking late into the night. Explore whether she is worried about any issue or whether there is bullying in school. Wake her up to empty her bladder every 2 hours .I know this is difficult. We also have this alarm available in the NHS to wake the child up once it senses that the child might urinate. It's been observed that children wriggle in a certain way before they wet the bed so this alarm picks this type of movement and go off, this wakes the child up to urinate.It is ineffective for children who sleep deeply because they can sleep through the alarm no matter how loud it sounds. Deep sleeping is another reason why some children bed wet. Pray with her that she will wake up on time to ease herself. Explore whether she has any kidney or urinary tract infection or defect. Remember being able to control the bladder in childhood is a function of maturity of nervous system especially in boys. She will grow out of it.
Joan O Aina
Never ok. We all gain control over our bladders at different stages. The day time is the first for obvious reason- we are awake. Night time comes later with support. There are teenagers who accidentally wet the bed because they are deep sleepers. There are elderly who wet the bed because they loose muscle tone or due to chronic conditions.
A child is not fully expected to be independent with bladder control until school age. Even in kindergarten, they get regular toilet breaks. So, no shaming for a one- off accident but support. Let the child know it is an accident, and he or she will be ok. As suggested practical solutions and actions are best.
Titilayomi Ladunni
It is not okay, at the same time not abnormal at her age. The causes for bed wetting may include late dinner, playfulness, laziness to wake up , drinking too much water,& sound sleep after busy day @ school . To avoid bed wetting, take care of the mentioned points. Parents however need to monitor the child, e. g waking her up at intervals to urinate until the child get used to waking up herself.
Question:
Is it okay to shame a 3 year old because she bedwetted? She had a busy day and she wet the bed that night. She doesn't usually bedwet, though...
Please feel free to share tips on what can be done to help the girl stop the occasional bedwetting. Thanks
Jamila Rumah- Bawa
It's not okay to shame anyone for bed wetting. Bedwetting for kids is usually because they are too tired after playing all day (that's if they are not being abused, then it's a different case....it might now be anxiety).
Older children and adults can also bedwet from anxiety. It is really unfair to shame anyone for things that they will not do on purpose.
Abeg kiss her and tell her mama understands. Kids remember everything....
Bunmi Arokoyo
Please no shaming whatever happens. I'm sure she feels bad already. Encourage her and since its not the usual let her no whenever she dreams and sees herself peeing its her cue to get up.
Onime Ugbowie
It is very wrong to shame any child.
Two tips I can give concerning it is that she shouldn't drink water at least 2 hours before she sleeps and also during the night she should be taken to the toilet to pee. Possibly she would be sleepy so she should be carried but once her panties is removed and she is put on the toilet seat she would pee. Years ago we had one of my dad's tenant' s son come stay over because my dad's tenants had to travel. Now this boy was 10 o but was still bedwetting so we would wake him up by 12am inshort we had to drag him to the toilet because if you like use plank to wake him he wouldn't o, so some days we would be too tired to carry him to the toilet those days he would bedwet. If a child is still bedwetting, there's no need for shaming just check his or her diet and ensure you wake the child to go to the toilet but if from 14years the child is still bedwetting then that's behavioural disorder n needs to be addressed.
Ozzie Chinwe
The mother should be more active in getting her up. She should also figure out what the pattern of occasional bedwetting is so she can analyse it.
Nneka Thelma N'Kenda-Bikoumou
First of all, at 3 it isn't considered bedwetting (as per the medical condition) because bedwetting is considered from 6yrs. Anything under simply means the child isn't night time potty trained. Even if you feel you have potty trained the child, the child's bladder may not be mature enough to be potty trained. As per your question, at any age the answer is no. If the child is over 6 try and find out if there is something wrong. Under 6yrs just chill. Its not even advised to wake them up at night or restrict water intake because those are unnatural methods, that the child can become dependent on. For more info check out baby centre website and other websites on kids development.
Depending on what the situation is, she can still put the baby in night time pull ups. Professionals advice that, even in older kids so that the bedwetting can be discrete and not lead to them being mocked by others ( though mocking a 3 year old for wetting the bed is silly but we know our people). I have a friend who had to do that for her 7 year old who got traumatized after his paternal grandmother beat him with a stick for bedwetting. With a lot of reassuring, it stopped after a few months.
Ifreke Ekpenyong
A child should attain bladder continence by age 5...after that age, you can figure out what to do but definitely not shaming.
Tosin Ademuyiwa
It's not ok ooooo !!! She's just 3yrs old na!!! The best thing is to help her by making her wee before bed and first thing in the morning around 5-6 am. From my experience, most kids bed wet from between 5-6am if you make them wee before bed!! Once you establish a routine for them, they automatically wake up at that time and go themselves so long as there are no underlying issues!!
Grace Adesina
Early supper, less of drinking late into the night. Explore whether she is worried about any issue or whether there is bullying in school. Wake her up to empty her bladder every 2 hours .I know this is difficult. We also have this alarm available in the NHS to wake the child up once it senses that the child might urinate. It's been observed that children wriggle in a certain way before they wet the bed so this alarm picks this type of movement and go off, this wakes the child up to urinate.It is ineffective for children who sleep deeply because they can sleep through the alarm no matter how loud it sounds. Deep sleeping is another reason why some children bed wet. Pray with her that she will wake up on time to ease herself. Explore whether she has any kidney or urinary tract infection or defect. Remember being able to control the bladder in childhood is a function of maturity of nervous system especially in boys. She will grow out of it.
Joan O Aina
Never ok. We all gain control over our bladders at different stages. The day time is the first for obvious reason- we are awake. Night time comes later with support. There are teenagers who accidentally wet the bed because they are deep sleepers. There are elderly who wet the bed because they loose muscle tone or due to chronic conditions.
A child is not fully expected to be independent with bladder control until school age. Even in kindergarten, they get regular toilet breaks. So, no shaming for a one- off accident but support. Let the child know it is an accident, and he or she will be ok. As suggested practical solutions and actions are best.
Titilayomi Ladunni
It is not okay, at the same time not abnormal at her age. The causes for bed wetting may include late dinner, playfulness, laziness to wake up , drinking too much water,& sound sleep after busy day @ school . To avoid bed wetting, take care of the mentioned points. Parents however need to monitor the child, e. g waking her up at intervals to urinate until the child get used to waking up herself.
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