SHE WORKS WITH WILLING HANDS

#VirtuousWomanSeries

"She selects wool and flax (plant from which linen is made) and works with willing hands"

Proverbs 31:13 (Holman Christian Standard Bible)

 

Please don't ask me why the Proverbs 31 woman is selecting wool and flax; I'm not certain why. I think it has something to do with the fact that she likes sewing and knitting. I don't think, though, that it means every #VirtuousWoman must select wool and flax.

 

I think the point being passed across is that she is not waiting passively for things to come her way. I think it means she takes initiative and doesn't just wait for "wool and flax" to come to her...

 

This is confirmed by the second part of the verse. She is not loafing around expecting someone to be her human ATM...she works and she is not coerced to work...She does not have an entitlement mentality.

 

Sir, if your idea of a virtuous woman is that of a woman who spends 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year and 366 days in a leap year, fasting and praying for you to change your ways and be converted, you were taught wrong...The Proverbs 31 woman is using her time for productive ventures (not that she doesn't pray but she isn't wasting time picking up after your mess; please take personal responsibility...)

 

If you've asked your wife to stop aspiring to become a better and useful human being just because her success threatens you, YOU are in error. There is nothing virtuous about loafing around, doing nothing productive and just bearing children...). I understand the point of being a stay-at-home mum when the kids are in their formative years but when they're older, please let her engage in other productive ventures so she won't grow up to be dependent on her children and become a "monster-in-law"...While she's caring for the kids, I believe there are some productive ventures she can still engage in. For example, my mother (who wasn't a stay-at-home mum) had a provision shop that she hired an attendant to mind, while we ensured that the attendant didn't help herself...I'm sure there's something productive Madam can do...

 

I know some wives "become" unbearable when they start making money. However, if you're truthful and honest, you'll realise that they've always had it in them; money just amplified the evil they were already harbouring...Contrary to what Nollywood preaches, not every successful woman is evil...

 

Enjoy your day.

SHE REWARDS HIM WITH GOOD

#VirtuousWomanSeries

"She rewards him with good, not evil, all the days of her life"

Proverbs 31:12 (Holman Christian Standard Bible)

 

I looked up the verb "reward" and this is what I found; "give something to (someone) in recognition of their services, efforts, or achievements."

 

Dear husband, you need to have put in services and efforts before you can expect a REWARD. A number of men treat their wives shabbily then demand that the women should reward them with good. Sir, you don't deserve to be REWARDED with good in such circumstances. Thankfully, there is the option of mercy but really, you should change your ways if you're caught in that web...

 

A number of wives have REWARDED their husbands' good efforts and services with evil; such women are NOT virtuous women. They are the ones that some wayward men refer to when they say "All women are evil". I guess the mothers and sisters of such men are also evil (I'm not insulting your relatives sir; I'm just breaking down what YOU'RE saying to YOU).

Some women have sabotaged and some are currently sabotaging their husbands for myriad reasons. Some are punishing their husbands for the sins of other men. For some, "all men are dogs/cows/whatever". I guess that includes your father and brothers. (I'm not insulting your relatives ma; I'm just breaking down what YOU'RE saying to YOU).

If you're sabotaging your husband in any way, ma'am, you're NOT a virtuous woman. For some, it is a "pre-emptive strike". They want to hit him BEFORE he hits them. For others, it is their response to the evil that the man has done to them.

"Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

Romans 12: 17-21

 

Sir, if you've been treating your wife like trash and she has been repaying you with good, you may think you're "riding" her but you're actually incurring the wrath of God. It is not your wife's "spiritual husband/children" or your "spiritual wife/children" or the "powers of your father/mother's house" that are responsible for your issues (except they are the ones causing you to misbehave); it is your (in)actions that are at the root of your problems. This is a call to repentance, sir.

To the virtuous women, I say, continue to do the men good all the days of your life (Be wise too; we'll talk about that in the course of the series). To the valiant men, I say, keep doing your part in building a godly home.

 

Enjoy your day.

THE GODLY WIFE IS TRUSTWORTHY

#VirtuousWomanSeries

"Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it."

Proverbs 31: 11

 

Why does her husband trust her without reserve? Is it because she laboured to earn his trust or is it because HE chose to trust her?

 

I think it's a mix of both. A number of men have the belief that no woman can be trusted. That's what their fathers and uncles told them as they were growing up.

Without realising it, that mindset permeates all that they do and it eventually becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Of course, there are women that take advantage of men; that's the very reason King Lemuel told him that a good wife is hard to find. Many women have also been taught (overtly or covertly) to take advantage of a man's weakness. So, I'm not asking you, sir, not to shine your eyes (and more importantly your spirit) when choosing a future partner. Once you've chosen, sir, and dotted the lines, I'm saying you should give her the opportunity to earn your trust. The man who has given his virtuous wife the opportunity to thrive never regrets it.

 

The other side of the coin is that trust is EARNED. It is the one thing that is hard to earn and easy to lose. Madam, your husband's trust is a privilege. If you've breached trust once, you've made it harder (not impossible) for him to trust you again. I can write forever on "Building Trust in Relationships" but it's up to you to decide that you want to earn your husband's trust. (A man also needs to earn his wife's trust but that's not the focus of this post).

I'm sad to say this but I know many stories of women who have betrayed their husbands' trust for uncertain riches. They are relatives of Esau; except they repent, they are headed in the same direction as Esau. If you fall into that category (male/female), there is still room for you at the Cross. You can send me a message and we'll take it up from there...

Let's talk about and work on trust in our (marital) relationships.

 

Enjoy your day.

OUR CURRICULUM IS FAULTY!

Dear Christian Leaders,

Our Marriage Classes curriculum is faulty. The issue stems from the way men are subtly indoctrinated from childhood to be sexist/chauvinistic. At times, in a bid to teach a boy chivalry, he is inadvertently taught to believe that he is better than/superior to the woman.

 

That's the state many men are when they come to Christ. As believers, we are expected to renew our minds with the Word of God. As young believers, our Christian leaders have A LOT of influence on how much of the unadulterated Word that we take in. This opportunity is however not being taken advantage of while grooming young male believers.

 

While EVERYONE AND THEIR CAT has a million and one rules for virtuous women; only FEW christian leaders focus on raising godly husbands and fathers. The system and structure just isn't there...Someone pointed out that many men's fellowships focus on raising successful businessmen that will fund church building projects. We've SOMEHOW assumed that the men will just know what to do when it's time to raise their families.

 

The society we live in has sold the lie to the men that only women have roles to play in building christian homes. This teaching twists Proverbs 14:1 out of context, telling us that the success (or failure) of a marriage depends SOLELY on the wife. This is untrue, as shown in the popular wedding scriptures - Colossians 3, Ephesians 5 and 1Peter 3.

 

There is this lie about a woman being the "neck" that turns the head (the position the Lord gave to the husband) wherever it (the neck) likes. It is an attempt to shift a man's God-given responsibility to his wife. Nothing in the scriptures gave the woman such powers. If a man allows the "neck" turn the head anyhow, he has abdicated his responsibility...It didn't work out well for Abraham and Ahab when they let their "necks" (wives) turn the head...You can gamble and see if it works well for you...

 

God has clear roles for men (and women, of course) in marriage; it's time for us all to start encouraging our men (and to continue to encourage the women) to take personal responsibility for how their marriages turn out...

 

This is not an invitation for a gender war; it is a call to our men to begin to live up to their responsibilities...We need more faithful men that'll stand as pillars in their homes and communities...If you're already a faithful man, please encourage other men to join the train. And if you're a wounded soldier, it's time to get your wounds treated then return to the field.

 

I need to hear and share more #FaithfulMen stories. I'm always ready to hear more about these men.

 

Good night.

LESSONS FROM NAOMI AND RUTH

And I just saw an appeal to help a lady who has been swindled by her employer get a good job.

 

While I sympathize with her, appealing to emotions while job-hunting is not very likely to get her a job. Instead, it exposes her MORE to opportunists (who abound everywhere).

 

I'm sure Naomi and Ruth would have died of hunger if only Naomi was running the show. Naomi was hung up on the terrible fate that had befallen them. It did not occur to her that they arrived at Bethlehem at the time of harvest. She threw a pity party and people sympathized with her.

 

At some point, hunger helped Ruth come to a sensible decision. No amount of wailing by the Rivers of Babylon was going to change the fact that they were both poor widows who would soon die of hunger if they didn't act fast. Their losses were sad and painful, no doubt, but they needed to MOVE ON!

 

Ruth didn't get to the field and start her stories of woe...She found what she could do with what she already had and started work. She could glean without asking anyone for permission because God already instructed the Israelites to leave some of the harvest for the gleaners. It was from there that she caught Boaz's attention and he then instructed the harvesters to leave more for her to glean. You can read the rest of the story in the book of Ruth.

 

Dear friend, you may have had terrible things happen to you in the past. I'm deeply empathize with you. I'm sure you feel pains and it's okay to cry. It's okay to shed tears. It is NOT okay to allow the challenges paralyze you and then wallow in self-pity. Please take a cue from Ruth and press on, no matter what you're dealing with. It will end in praise...

 

Enjoy your day.

TOASTING MUSINGS

Dear Beautiful Lady,

I know it's not easy to deal with so many admirers. To make things worse, some will not listen when you say (and mean) "No". However, it doesn't justify rudeness or cruelty. Be firm but avoid rudeness or cruelty to drive home your point.

Dear "Man in Love",

If a lady says "No", there is an 85% chance that she really means "No". You can take the risk to persist if you believe she's actually worth the fight. I have a challenge, though, with men who fight tooth and nail to get the lady then begin to "subdue" her (I read of one that married the lady and asked her to change her job or stop working only because Lord Husband said so). If you're not comfortable with her job or line of business, please discuss it now oooo. If you have problems with how she dresses, please discuss it now. If you have a problem with the many male friends she has, please discuss it now. Please don't frustrate a good woman with your Lord Husband moves, then turn around to cry about her unsubmissiveness. That's not why God made you the head of the home.

This is the message I woke up with. May the Lord bless and keep our (future) homes.

Enjoy your day.

PS: I know there are women who are control freaks. Their matter will be treated on the day that I'm inspired to address them. Till then, please let's talk about the men.

TO CHURCH LEADERS

Dear Believer/Church Leader,

If the basis on which you care for your members is how much "seed" they've sown, your value system is faulty...It is good to give and to encourage your members to give (because they love God enough to) but if that's the basis on which you care for your members, you are hurting people...

God did not love the rich man more than Lazarus, the beggar...Infact, Apostle James has a message for YOU!

 

"My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favoritism. Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in filthy old clothes also comes in. If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, “Here’s a good seat for you,” but say to the poor man, “You stand there” or “Sit on the floor by my feet,” have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts? Listen, my dear brothers and sisters: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him? But you have dishonored the poor. Is it not the rich who are exploiting you? Are they not the ones who are dragging you into court? Are they not the ones who are blaspheming the noble name of him to whom you belong? If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing right. But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers. For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it."

James 2:1-10

 

It's time for us to return to the basics, brethren. We need to be true shepherds and care for the flock. Too many people have been hurt by church leaders; it's time to clean our house...It's time to stop exploiting our members and dishonouring the poor amongst us. May the Lord help us be faithful stewards.

 

 

Dear Believer,

If you do or do not tithe, things MAY not be tight and they very well MAY still be tight. If you add diligence to your financial faithfulness, you are giving God something to work with. If you trust and love the Lord, ALL things will work together for your good, even when things are tight...May God continue to teach us and open our eyes to His truth...

 

Enjoy your day.

DEALING WITH AFFLICTIONS

"Is any among you afflicted? LET HIM PRAY..." James 5:13

 

I'll like to start with the definition of affliction.

Affliction is simply defined as "a cause of pain or harm". Another definition of affliction is "A condition of pain, suffering, or distress".

 

So, if you're dealing with a condition that has caused you pain, suffering, distress or harm, you are afflicted. For example, if you are broke, you are afflicted; if you have been laid off unjustly, you are afflicted. Anything causing you to stay awake at night with a heavy heart is an affliction.

 

At a point during an affliction, I lost my ability to sleep. I would lay awake every night AND CRY. I was a wreck. I had EVERY reason to throw a pity party. I was the injured party, though the person causing the pain felt justified to cause the pain. I was at a crossroad; I didn't know what to do. Each physical step I took (while walking) was a step of faith. I felt I would soon literally fall down and die, lol. I couldn't sleep because I was sure if I slept off, I would pass on to the great beyond. That's how great the grief was.

 

Anyway, one day I couldn't take it anymore. I decided to check what the Bible really says about afflictions. I did a search on "affliction" and one of the verses I found was James 5:13a. I just stopped there and poured my heart out to the Lord in prayer. I did this for about a week. I'll just stay awake and pour my heart out in prayer.

 

Eventually, I started becoming hopeful. I began to believe that there was a reason to remain alive. Once, as I listened to Bishop T.D. Jakes preach about how he knows that someone has given up TOTALLY when they lose their physical appetite, I asked God to restore my appetite. Slowly, but surely, I began to eat and function again.

 

Interestingly, the person that caused me this pain is still insisting on their right to continue to afflict me. However, I have been strengthened enough to REFUSE pain, suffering, distress or harm as a result of the person's (in)actions. As I continue in prayers, my inner man is continually built up and I'm no longer hurt by things that used to hurt me before. Sometimes, prayer doesn't IMMEDIATELY change the adverse situation. Instead, it builds you up and makes you stand strong in the face of such situations. You cannot live an authentic Spirit-controlled life, if you won't pray.

 

I need to repeat for emphasis that prayer doesn't ALWAYS make things go according to YOUR plan. You've got to learn to say like Jesus Christ "Not My will but Yours be done". When you're praying through an affliction, you need to surrender your will, plans and emotions to the Master. Many dealing with afflictions talk about how they've been praying and "NOTHING" is happening. It isn't true that nothing is happening; your spiritual muscles are being toned. In His time, the situation(s) will turn around in your favour.

 

Sometimes, the afflictions arise as a result of our (in)actions. The Biblical way out is still to pray. As you pray, the Lord will reveal what your next steps ought to be. Note that "God will show us the way but WE have to do the walking". We are the ones to physically implement what God tells us to do. This area is KEY in dealing with afflictions. Hezekiah was afflicted with a disease. The word of the Lord came to him that the disease would kill him; he countered the verdict with PRAYERS and God asked Isaiah to go back and reverse the death sentence. THEN Isaiah asked them to boil figs and use on the boil. After obeying instructions TO THE LETTER, Hezekiah was healed (2 Kings 20:1-7). Some of us have truncated the process (or caused delays) because we have ignored vital instructions the Lord gave us concerning the affliction.

 

I'll most likely talk about this again. I currently need to sleep back, lol.

 

Enjoy your day.