Good day people. This #BeingFemaleInNigeria thing caused
me to go down memory lane. I have seen the good, the bad and the downright
ugly.
I graduated with a higher GPA than many of the guys in my
class. I learnt later that it didn't sit well with many of them. Apparently, my
lack of "humility" must have compounded the issue. I was told that the
guys decided that if they couldn't beat me themselves, they'll sponsor the few
guys who had the potential to defeat me. I learnt the guys with potential had
"ALL" the needs that could potentially distract them attended to by
the others so they could concentrate on ensuring that a lady would not lead the
class. I was blissfully unaware of the plot and with the benefit of hindsight,
I can say that I was arrogant, anyway.
I remember a weird instance where one of the guys whom I
knew was not dull asked me to explain some concepts to him a night before the
exam. He kept asking me to repeat my explanations and at some point, I told him
I had to go. When I spoke with one of my male friends (coursemates) later about
it, he told me it was part of the plot to distract me so I wouldn't be able to
do well in the exam. I'm sure you know the plot didn't work, right?
I didn't "lead" the class but I learnt that
there are just too many boys who can't handle a successful woman...Through the
years, I have become more humble (I hope). Then I started working. Soon enough,
I started hearing here and there about how I was favoured because I am a
lady...I have had men try to block me from opportunities that would progress my
career and I have seen God use MEN (the male human beings) to oppose such
plans. Typically, the second set of men had nothing to gain or lose if the
first set had their way. Most of the breaks I've had in my career have been
facilitated by men, though a good number of heartbreaks also came from men.
Interestingly, the most resistance I've encountered have
come from fellow women. I'll address #WomenWoundingWomen in another post. What
I've come to realise is that there are good men who do right by women. I
respect them. Sometimes, these good men unfortunately have to deal with the
backlash from women due to other men's shortcomings. I apologize for that.
I was involved in an international workshop where there
were about 20 men and 2 ladies. I had lunch with the men on one occasion and
they started telling me of some of the terrible things some women had done to
them. I started it (of course) by pointing out some #Nonsense that some men
engage in. I think they were shocked to hear this outspoken Nigeria lady. When
there was a pause, I apologised on behalf of every lady that had hurt each of
them. I believe that shocked them even more. I think they were ready for a
gender war but as a war veteran, I realised that I was outnumbered (Lol).
Seriously, some of the stories the men recounted were horrific. Of course, if
we probe deep enough, we'll find something to blame each man for.
Eventually, we all laughed and joked. I could feel the
respect from these dudes. I think the fact that I was able to demonstrate my
competence also contributed to earning their respect. Each one of them gave me
their business cards and believe me, I can't find ANYONE of them. The moral of
this paragraph is that women need to realise that a good number of men will
respect you if you draw boundaries, demonstrate competence, show them respect
and stop sending mixed messages.
I consider it hypocritical for a woman to talk about
gender equality and then expect silly concessions because she is a woman. I'm
learning to get used to the concept of "Ladies first"; it used to
grate on my nerves. I'm learning to pipe low on the "What a man can do, a
woman can do better" thing. It isn't always true.
I used to wish I was born as a man because I thought it
was a man's world. Now, I'm learning to enjoy being the woman God has made me
to be. I'm learning that "Male and female created He them" I'm
learning to let God, not society, lead me in my decisions/choices. I'm learning
also to cultivate a quiet and gentle spirit.
So, like I said earlier, #BeingFemaleInNigeria for me has
its good, bad and ugly sides. I hope we pick up useful lessons and learn to
live peaceably with our men.
Meanwhile, I wonder what plans are on ground to
address gender-related issues by the new government. Have a good night rest.
