WE CAN'T AFFORD TO DROP THE BALL!

Until the victim of domestic violence and abuse has a "Eureka" moment, they will not stay away from the abuser. They don't believe they can be the victim whose pathetic story is all over social media... They truly believe that if they try hard enough, the abuser will change. Yes, they don't mind shaming the abuser on social media so he can change...

I believe that not everyone is wired to be the emotional responder to DV victims. I know only 4 people working in that field today that I believe are trained for this - Ma Laila Stmd, Aunty Josephine Effah-Chukwuma, Sis Olubunmi Layode and Barrister Abiade Olawanle Abiola. If you know anyone else involved in this because they want to solve a problem, please let us know about them.

I understand the frustration of trying to help a victim leave an abusive relationship and watching them go back. The way I help myself not get frustrated is not to get too emotionally invested... If emotional support is not your thing, you can still contribute financially. It will be greatly appreciated. Please contact the Amazons I mentioned above.

Obviously, they don't do the work alone. They have wonderful helpers. You can also volunteer to help. The one thing we can't afford to do is drop the ball; our generation is counting on us.

Have you eaten?

WHAT WOMEN WANT

Last year, I asked women what qualities they look out for in a potential partner. Below are the responses I got from the survey.

1. I am impressed by a man who doesn't feel the need to discuss every damn situation with his family (his mom especially ) and his friends. A man who doesn't feel his manhood is tied to how brutish and stifling  he can be but allows his woman to flourish in her discpline.

2. A man:

- Comfortable in his skin such that he's not afraid of being vulnerable with his partner or feel the need to act a certain way to earn her respect.

- Who longs to serve his wife as Christ serves the church

- Whose foremost desire from his wife is her companionship.

3. 

A man whose fruits (actions) show that he fears, honours and loves God. A man who does not demand my respect but is ready to earn it. A man who is not a hypocrite. A man who is not afraid or ashamed to be silly and playful with our children while being able to guide and discipline them. A man who understands that submission cannot be forced from me, so he is not threatened when I express my opinion by forcing me to go his way. A man who is not afraid to be vulnerable with me and accepts me when I am vulnerable with him. A man who is not determined to make me fit a mould or fit his idea or other people's idea of a wife, basically he loves me flaws, strengths and all. An extremely hard and smart working man who also enjoys helping around the house with chores and family time. Lastly a man who is honest with me and does not keep secrets from me.

Here's mine 

I need a man who"

- Holds me and protects me (as much as he can) 

- Takes his time to understand how I feel each time

- Understands the meaning of COMMITMENT and takes his vows seriously 

- Seeks truth and strives to be a better each day

- Takes time to place his heart inside me.  A man that is patient enough to explain what he is trying to say till I get his point. 

- Is not afraid to say "I'm sorry" when he's wrong

- Is proud to let the whole world know that I am the queen of his heart.  I am not overly into public displays of affection but if it is necessary, he should not be so stiff

- Takes time to let me know that I enrich his life

- Takes personal hygiene and fitness seriously 

- Has a great sense of humor and is not too sensitive 

- Has good work ethics

- Is committed to my growth

- Fights daily for our relationship

Ladies, what do you want in a man? You can share with us in the comments or send an email to womentellingafricanstories@gmail.com

Enjoy your day.