ABOUT TALKING MORE

There is something that concerns me about this generation...

Person A will be happily married to  or courting Person B (at least in their minds).  One day, they will log on to Facebook and somehow scroll till they get to "The Women Stories". They'll see a post that starts with "From my inbox" and something will make them stop and read.

As Person A reads through the post, he/she starts to feel like the story sounds familiar. So, he/she sends a message to the page and after a few questions here and there, they discover that they were not being paranoid. Person B had actually preferred to tell Hephzibah Oyinda the thing wey dey pepper them for body (due credits to Nora Oma Patrick) than to talk to the person they took vows with and share a house with (or are planning to).

Person A is rudely jolted into the reality that the marriage/relationship they thought was a happy one is not so happy after all? Person A now has to make a choice. Should he/she wash their dirty linen in public (and even make up stories to discredit the witness) or should he/she take the high road and initiate counselling?

Personally, my inbox is open to anyone that needs to vent (just go straight to the point after greeting me ONCE abeg. Data don cost). The first question I usually ask when you start complaining about your spouse/intended is usually "Have you discussed this with him/her?" Then ridiculous answers start.

The ones that amuse me the most are the ones from women that don't want to come across to the "Lion King" they are married to as being "unsubmissive". Seriously, are you listening to yourself? Which one is more disrespectful? What you are doing or having a civil conversation with your (soon-to-be) life partner?

Any spouse/intended that you cannot have a civil conversation with is a red flag. If you are married, it is a sign that you probably need to head to marriage clinic (marital counselling). I know at least one counselor that can help you. I'll be happy to make the connection, if you can't reach her yourself. If you are still courting, it is a red flag and a show stopper. Spouse that you can't have a civil conversation with and resolve issues amicably, is that one spouse? Better let the "competition" 'win' him/her and go for Thanksgiving for deliverance from destiny drainers...

If abuse is involved, please take steps to preserve your life. You need to be alive to be married or to be courting. There is no special reward in heaven or punishment in hell for people who were killed by their spouses/intended; those are lies from the pits of hell. Precious in the eyes of the Lord is the death of His saints. God prefers you to stay alive, well and prosperous. If you are the abuser, get help. Get in touch and let's help you get counselling.

Please let's create a conducive environment for productive conversations in our relationships. Enjoy your day.

Submission Series - The Disciples and Demons

Luke 10:16-18
New International Version (NIV)
 “Whoever listens to you listens to me; whoever rejects you rejects me; but whoever rejects me rejects him who sent me.” The seventy-two returned with joy and said, “Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name.” He replied, “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven.

Thank you for staying with me so far. I appreciate every feedback I have received since I started the series. I am equally learning from others.

This is the fourth post in the series.  The links to the previous three posts are below.

Today,  we're skipping to the account of the seventy disciples Jesus sent out IN HIS NAME. I know a couple of us are uncomfortable with demons.  Actually,  I'm one of the "couple", lol.  I wanted to skip this verse too but I was led to stop and read again.  Then,  I got the message I am about to share.

We know demons are rebellious and disobedient, right.  In Nigerian street language,  "dem no dey look Uche's face". In spite of the rebellious and disobedient nature,  they submitted to the disciples that had the power of delegation to use the name of Jesus.

They did not necessarily have to like the way the disciples were dressed or how the disciples addressed them.  They obviously would not have liked what the disciples were telling them to do.  However,  they understood authority enough to know that they had to respect the Name of Jesus.  For as long as the disciples had the authority to use the name of Jesus, the demons had to submit to the Name.

On the part of the disciples,  they had to follow Jesus' instructions to the letter in order to retain the delegated authority.  Imagine if one of them had decided to cast out demons in his personal name. Or if someone that Jesus did not send decided to go with the sent ones?  Is that not what happened to the Seven Sons of Sceva? They tried to cast out demons in the Name of Jesus without delegated authority.  They got the beating of their lives.  The people became afraid and those closet magicians masquerading as Christians brought out all their secret weapons.  Then, the Word of God grew mightily and prevailed in the city of Ephesus (Acts 19: 14-20)

Women are hopefully not rebellious and disobedient like demons.  Our submission is not because of how we feel about the man.  Our submission to the husband is because we understand authority.  For as long as what the man is asking us to do is consistent with the will of the Almighty,  we submit to him.  If his requests are ungodly,  we are not under any obligation to obey him.  You can respectfully disagree and if you are concerned about your personal safety as you disagree,  please take the necessary precautions.

Husbands,  your wife is only obligated to submit to you when what you are asking her to do is consistent with the will of the Almighty. You can't use submission as a tool of manipulating your wife to do anything you please.  Go and sort yourself out with the Almighty if you are experiencing resistance from your wife on the matter you are pushing for.  God's response may surprise you.  He actually asked Abraham to listen to his wife, Sarah,  once when they had a difference of opinion. You are a delegate so your authority is limited to the extent to which you have submitted to the Almighty.  You can't be mandating your wife to help you abort the pregnancy you planted in your househelp and be expecting her to "submit". That's a crime and her joining you makes her a criminal too.

I am sure I have not exhausted all that can be learnt in this scripture. Please feel free to share your thoughts.

Enjoy your day.

Previous Posts
Submission Series - Sarah and Hagar
http://adf.ly/1gJPNp

Submission Series - Joseph and the Egyptians

http://adf.ly/1gJPas

Submission Series - The Lord and His people

http://adf.ly/1gLimg

Submission Series - The Lord and His People

Good day. How are you doing? Thanks for staying with me as I attempt to address the controversial "S" word.

This is the third post in the series. The first two posts are on the blog. Today's Scripture is

2 Chronicles 30:7-9
New International Version (NIV)
Do not be like your parents and your fellow Israelites, who were unfaithful to the Lord, the God of their ancestors, so that he made them an object of horror, as you see. Do not be stiff-necked, as your ancestors were; submit to the Lord. Come to his sanctuary, which he has consecrated forever. Serve the Lord your God, so that his fierce anger will turn away from you. If you return to the Lord, then your fellow Israelites and your children will be shown compassion by their captors and will return to this land, for the Lord your God is gracious and compassionate. He will not turn his face from you if you return to him.”

The word that stood out to me in that passage is "stiff-necked". Let's study the word a bit; it will help us understand the word "submission" a bit more as they are antonyms.
The synonyms of "stiff-necked" are - obstinate, stubborn, arrogant, haughty, high-handed, pompous.

Who wants an obstinate team mate? How about a stubborn one? Who wants an arrogant partner? What about a pompous one?

Submit to the Lord. Be easily led by Him (or His delegate). Don't be stubborn. There are benefits attached to being submissive to the Lord (and His delegate).

Please feel free to share your thoughts and views on this passage.

Enjoy your day.

Submission Series - Joseph and The Egyptians

Good day.  Thanks a lot for the feedback on the post on Sarah and Hagar.  I appreciate every perspective that was shared.  I hope to address the issues raised as much as possible as I progress with the series.

I managed to miss out yesterday that God promised to establish Hagar and those particular blessings were tied to her submission (to Sarai) in that situation. I hope to expound on this as the series progresses.

This post is the second in the series. The first one is about Sarah and Hagar. Here is the scripture for today:

Genesis 41:39-41
New International Version (NIV)

Then Pharaoh said to Joseph, “Since God has made all this known to you, there is no one so discerning and wise as you. You shall be in charge of my palace, and all my people are to submit to your orders. Only with respect to the throne will I be greater than you.” So, Pharaoh said to Joseph, “I hereby put you in charge of the whole land of Egypt.”

In this instance,  Pharaoh proclaimed to Joseph,  in the presence of whoever was in his palace that day,  that Joseph was in charge of all his palace and his people were to SUBMIT to Joseph's orders.

Why were the Egyptians supposed to submit to Joseph's orders?  Because Pharaoh said so!  It didn't matter whether they liked Joseph or not.  They didn't even have to like what Joseph was asking them to do but they were to submit to his orders anyway. (Hopefully, the wife should agree to marry a man whom she respects).  However,  there is a catch!

What if Joseph was asking them to do something that was in DIRECT conflict with what they KNEW Pharaoh wanted?  For example, what if Joseph ordered them to move from Egypt to where Jacob and his brothers were and asked them to establish a new kingdom and leave Pharaoh alone in Egypt?  Where the Egyptians to submit to that kind of order from Joseph?  No!  Why?  Because Joseph's authority was DELEGATED authority.  His authority derived it's legitimacy from Pharaoh and Joseph could only issue orders that were consistent with what Pharaoh approved.

When he wanted to introduce taxes,  he had to get approval from Pharaoh first. If Pharaoh had said no to the introduction of taxes,  Joseph had no authority to ask the Egyptians to pay taxes.

In a marriage where both parties have agreed to do the love/submission thing, the husband has DELEGATED authority. If he is asking his wife to do what is outside of the Lord's will,  the wife does not have to obey him.  She should obey God rather than man.  The man should get his heart right with the Lord and stop abusing his DELEGATED authority. He needs to be obeying the Lord's order before he dares bring up the "S" word.

I am sure there are other lessons to learn from this scripture. Please feel free to share.

#SubmissionSeries

Submission Series - Sarah and Hagar

I am starting a series on the word "Submission". We know a lot of atrocities have been committed because of that word. We know a lot of people now detest the word. I think it's fair to spend some time to see what the Bible ACTUALLY says about the word. Please feel free to share your thoughts RESPECTFULLY in the comments. No personal attacks, please.

Scripture 1 - Hagar and Sarah

Genesis 16:8-10
New International Version (NIV)

And he said, “Hagar, slave of Sarai, where have you come from, and where are you going?”
“I’m running away from my mistress Sarai,” she answered.
Then the angel of the Lord told her, “Go back to your mistress and submit to her.” The angel added, “I will increase your descendants so much that they will be too numerous to count.”

I can imagine the reaction in some minds... So, God supports slavery? In my opinion, I think God deals with us based on our peculiar circumstances. In this case, we will need to go back to understand how Hagar ended up as Sarah's slave. I don't think this means God supports slavery. Later in Philemon, a slave ran away from his master and Paul basically asked the master to receive his former slave as a dear brother. If I do get to write about slavery in the Scriptures, we will deal with the issue more.

Back to our story, somehow, Hagar ended up as Sarah's slave. Sarah gave Hagar to Abraham as a WIFE in a "surrogacy gone bad" move. Some claim Hagar masterminded the plot but I haven't found anything in the Scriptures that suggests so. Hagar got pregnant and started acting rude to her former madam, now co-wife. Sarah started ill-treating Hagar. Hagar ran away and met an angel on the way.

In my mind, both Sarah and Hagar were wrong and out of line. This verse is how God could deal with the consequences of poor decisions. Apparently, Sarah was unwilling to listen to what God or anyone else had to say in that matter. Hagar was the more vulnerable person in the entire scenario. She was pregnant and now a fugitive. It was in her best interest to return to Abraham and Sarah and bear Sarah's harshness for the time. Later, when she was sent away with her 13 year old son and a bottle of water, she was not as vulnerable. God did not ask her then to return and submit to a mistress that had freed her. He (God) took care of her and her child.

The lesson for me here is that our submission to whoever we are submitting to should be based on what God is telling us to do AT THE TIME.

I am sure there are other lessons to learn from this story. Please feel free to share.

#SubmissionSeries

My Deliverance From The "Virtuous Woman" Syndrome

I got totally cured from the "virtuous woman" syndrome (attending to EVERY chore and not allowing others participate) when I heard of how a fellow "virtuous woman" slumped and died after returning from a Holy Ghost conference.

She worked, cooked, cleaned, took care of the kids and everyone else but herself. She was a year younger than I am. I was especially annoyed when I read the husband's eulogy. He asked what he would do without her. In my mind, the answer was "house chores".

Sir, you can't leave your wife to be caring for and raising the kids you both brought to this world by herself and be acting surprised/amazed/disgusted when it starts telling on her physical appearance/mental health/physical health.

My sister, as you are taking care of everyone else, please take care of yourself too. Don't leave your children motherless because you are trying to "build your home". Your family deserves a physically fit and mentally whole wife/mother. Don't "tight the world to your chest". You will be celebrated, in Jesus'Name.

#YesIAmUpset
#deadbeatfathers
#deadbeatdads

Resolving Marital Conflicts Without Involving A Third Party

If you are not open to having "third party" interference, even when they mean well, in your home, then you should be extremely open to hearing what your spouse is actually saying or trying to say at all times.

If you expect your spouse to always open up to you, you need to take even their criticisms (not abuse oooo) in good fate and ask for their opinions on how they think you can improve in the areas that they have pointed out. Agree on a plan that involves both of you. Don't use that opportunity to tell them their areas of weakness, except that was the plan.

If you have to point out your spouse's flaws, be gracious about it. No one naturally takes criticism well. Let them know you value their presence in your life and you are only pointing out the issues because you want their continuous improvement. Come up with a way to address the issue that involves you. That demonstrates your commitment to the relationship. For example, if your wife is medically obese and needs weight management, offer to sign both of you up in the gym and agree to join her in dieting. Be her accountability partner. Don't just tell her "You are overweight, go and do something about it". Your involvement in the weight management program will be a great motivator.

Take time daily to pray with and for your spouse daily. You will be alright! Enjoy your day.

BROTHER, SPEAK UP

One of my male colleagues ehn...

A few days, someone attacked his work and his come-back was weak. I sincerely believed he had done a shoddy job. I had to go and investigate because it kind of impacts on my own work.

I checked and discovered that he had done a fairly decent job though there is some room for improvement. I told him yesterday that he needs to speak up and lean in and whatever else they usually tell us women.

Today, the matter came up at a meeting and he started to falter as he was being attacked again. So, I hijacked the discussion and firmly told the guys that had entered attack mode that I had checked the work and it wasn't so terrible.

Of course they couldn't attack me the way they had been attacking the guy first because I am a lady and secondly because they KNOW that the matter will not end quickly. I can drag a matter, if I feel strongly enough, for years... 😂😂😂😂

Eventually, they backed down and moved on to another topic. After the meeting, I went to apologize to the owner of the fight for taking over. He started preaching to me about how he likes to let his work speak for him. I tried hard not to roll my eyes, lol.

One thing that pains me is how some guys will be forming "gentleman" and will allow people that I have no decent name for walk over them. Yesterday, I read on Aishatu's wall about a guy who was given a 4 page list (and in fact, there was also a cost of preparing the list sef) as 'bride price'. Most people were bashing the bride price issue. My comment was for the guy to either find a cheaper bride or have a court wedding (statutory marriage).

Personally, I have no qualms with bride price. I just prefer statutory marriage to customary marriage because the rights of both husband and wife are properly protected with the statutory marriage.  I'll rather make customary marriage go extinct or be forced to be reformed by advocating for statutory marriage than to try to advocate for the abolishment of the bride price.

There was a comment on that post that came to mind as I reflected about my colleague today. It's about men who, for reasons best known to them, would rather be silent and allow unreasonable people walk over them in a bid to prove that they are gentlemen. My brother, don't let unreasonable people bully you o. You don't need to resort to violence but you need to be firm. There are healthy ways of defining boundaries.

#GenderParity

Decision Making For Girls

I've been thinking...

I think that, on the average, girls are not taught DECISION-MAKING.  I believe decision-making is an art that gets better and better as one exercises his or her brain.

Women, on the average,  have someone trying to plan how their lives should go, particularly in these parts.  If it's not a father trying to tell her which school to attend or which course to study,  it's an uncle trying to tell her which apartment to rent.  Sometimes,  it's her well-meaning cousin trying to tell her where/how to invest her money or a nice boyfriend trying to tell her who she should keep as friends.  Or it's the well-meaning husband trying to ensure that she doesn't lack any good thing so he kills himself trying to provide.

Of course there are malicious men trying to take advantage of her but sometimes, when she is surrounded by well-meaning people, her development is still stunted because she isn't allowed to improve her decision-making skills.

I am speaking as a woman who struggled in this area for long and I am still struggling to overcome the natural tendency to find someone to hide behind when there are tough decisions to be made.  I started breaking out of it when on a few occasions, my husband REFUSED to take my tough decisions for me.  I kept telling him that as the head of the home, he should have the final say but he asked me what I FELT the right decision should be... I had no clue because I am used to having someone else deal with the really tough decisions.

I am getting better with decision-making now but I  realize it is a very tough turf for someone like me who normally beats herself up when there is a negative outcome as a result of my decisions. I find it easier when someone else took the decision that ended terribly.  I try not to say "I told you so" but I inwardly laugh and tell myself "Thank God,  I'm not the one that got us here"...Lol.

What I've pledged to do with my child(ren) is to start giving them opportunities to make decisions as early as possible... Start teaching them that today's decisions have consequences tomorrow... And helping them connect the consequences with the decisions...

How is the day going?

When A Child Bedwets

I put up this post and the responses are definitely worth saving.

Question: 
Is it okay to shame a 3 year old because she bedwetted? She had a busy day and she wet the bed that night. She doesn't usually bedwet, though...
Please feel free to share tips on what can be done to help the girl stop the occasional bedwetting. Thanks

Jamila Rumah- Bawa
It's not okay to shame anyone for bed wetting. Bedwetting for kids is usually because they are too tired after playing all day (that's if they are not being abused, then it's a different case....it might now be anxiety).
Older children and adults can also bedwet from anxiety. It is really unfair to shame anyone for things that they will not do on purpose.
Abeg kiss her and tell her mama understands. Kids remember everything....

Bunmi Arokoyo
Please no shaming whatever happens. I'm sure she feels bad already. Encourage her and since its not the usual let her no whenever she dreams and sees herself peeing its her cue to get up.

Onime Ugbowie
It is very wrong to shame any child.
Two tips I can give concerning it is that she shouldn't drink water at least 2 hours before she sleeps and also during the night she should be taken to the toilet to pee. Possibly she would be sleepy so she should be carried but once her panties is removed and she is put on the toilet seat she would pee. Years ago we had one of my dad's tenant' s son come stay over because my dad's tenants had to travel. Now this boy was 10 o but was still bedwetting so we would wake him up by 12am inshort we had to drag him to the toilet because if you like use plank to wake him he wouldn't o, so some days we would be too tired to carry him to the toilet those days he would bedwet. If a child is still bedwetting, there's no need for shaming just check his or her diet and ensure you wake the child to go to the toilet but if from 14years the child is still bedwetting then that's behavioural disorder n needs to be addressed.

Ozzie Chinwe
The mother should be more active in getting her up. She should also figure out what the pattern of occasional bedwetting is so she can analyse it.

Nneka Thelma N'Kenda-Bikoumou
First of all, at 3 it isn't considered bedwetting (as per the medical condition) because bedwetting is considered from 6yrs. Anything under simply means the child isn't night time potty trained. Even if you feel you have potty trained the child, the child's bladder may not be mature enough to be potty trained. As per your question, at any age the answer is no. If the child is over 6 try and find out if there is something wrong. Under 6yrs just chill. Its not even advised to wake them up at night or restrict water intake because those are unnatural methods, that the child can become dependent on. For more info check out baby centre website and other websites on kids development.
Depending on what the situation is, she can still put the baby in night time pull ups. Professionals advice that, even in older kids so that the bedwetting can be discrete and not lead to them being mocked by others ( though mocking a 3 year old for wetting the bed is silly but we know our people). I have a friend who had to do that for her 7 year old who got traumatized after his paternal grandmother beat him with a stick for bedwetting. With a lot of reassuring, it stopped after a few months.

Ifreke Ekpenyong
A child should attain bladder continence by age 5...after that age, you can figure out what to do but definitely not shaming.

Tosin Ademuyiwa
It's not ok ooooo !!! She's just 3yrs old na!!! The best thing is to help her by making her wee before bed and first thing in the morning around 5-6 am. From my experience, most kids bed wet from between 5-6am if you make them wee before bed!! Once you establish a routine for them, they automatically wake up at that time and go themselves so long as there are no underlying issues!!

Grace Adesina
Early supper, less of drinking late into the night. Explore whether she is worried about any issue or whether there is bullying in school. Wake her up to empty her bladder every 2 hours .I know this is difficult. We also have this alarm available in the NHS to wake the child up once it senses that the child might urinate. It's been observed that children wriggle in a certain way before they wet the bed so this alarm picks this type of movement and go off, this wakes the child up to urinate.It is ineffective for children who sleep deeply because they can sleep through the alarm no matter how loud it sounds. Deep sleeping is another reason why some children bed wet. Pray with her that she will wake up on time to ease herself. Explore whether she has any kidney or urinary tract infection or defect. Remember being able to control the bladder in childhood is a function of maturity of nervous system especially in boys. She will grow out of it.

Joan O Aina
Never ok. We all gain control over our bladders at different stages. The day time is the first for obvious reason- we are awake. Night time comes later with support. There are teenagers who accidentally wet the bed because they are deep sleepers. There are elderly who wet the bed because they loose muscle tone or due to chronic conditions.
A child is not fully expected to be independent with bladder control until school age. Even in kindergarten, they get regular toilet breaks. So, no shaming for a one- off accident but support. Let the child know it is an accident, and he or she will be ok. As suggested practical solutions and actions are best.

Titilayomi Ladunni
It is not okay, at the same time not abnormal at her age. The causes for bed wetting may include  late dinner,  playfulness, laziness to wake up , drinking too much water,& sound sleep after busy day @ school . To avoid bed wetting, take care of the mentioned points. Parents however need to monitor the child, e. g waking her up at intervals to urinate until the child get used to waking up herself.

Shining As Lights In A Dark And Perverse World

"I do not ignore or nullify the [gracious gift of the] grace of God [His amazing, unmerited favor], for if righteousness comes through [observing] the Law, then Christ died needlessly. [His suffering and death would have had no purpose whatsoever.]”
Galatians 2: 21

Anything that makes you feel more righteous than others because you do certain activities more than they do is very unlikely to be the Spirit of God. We are saved by grace through faith,  not by works lest any man should boast (Ephesians 2: 8-9)

Of course,  we need to live right.  The issue is "What does living right actually mean?" For me,  it means to be led by the Spirit of God.  I keep seeing people prescribing how a Christian should or shouldn't live.  I am careful about that.  If God hasn't explicitly forbidden something according to His word,  I won't take His place and forbid it.  Instead,  I will ask you what the Holy Spirit is telling you about the issue.  If you're not mature enough to hear God for yourself (and you should strive to grow up in the things of God.  Desire the sincere milk of the Word that you may grow.  You are not expected to be a baby Christian forever), it is okay to find a more mature believer to stand with you and hear what the Lord is saying and DO IT.

I'll like to talk about this idea that social media and Christian growth are mutually exclusive... I don't agree.  I find it amusing that people are using social media to spread the message that social media is God's "rival". Hmmmm.... I don't see it that way.  Speaking for myself,  even when I am reading through a "gossip" post,  the questions at the back of my mind is "What can I learn from this?" and "Is there an opportunity to reach out to someone?"

We have been called to shine as lights in a dark and perverse world.  If all we do is gather together in the "upper room" like Jesus' earliest disciples,  persecution will still arise and scatter that assembly... Just like the Tower of Babel... Will you shine the light today or will you curse darkness?  Na your hand e dey...

Enjoy your day...

Story Story Story

I have a story... story
I have a story...  story
Story,  story,  story...

Seriously, I'll like to share a story.  Story,  story...story...

Why are you rushing me na?  Shebi you listen to all those musicians that will use 3 minutes of their 4 minute track to tell you that they want to tell you something and they'll still win multiple awards with such tracks na... Cool down...

So,  on this fateful day (wicked grin),  I was invited to a meeting. It was obvious that inviting me was an afterthought but I guess they thought I was the easiest member of my team to get to endorse their plan (being female and all).  So,  I decided to humour them and attend the meeting... Of course, my hunch was right and I had an objection to raise.  As I started voicing my opinions, one of the guys (about the most senior in the room)  shouted me down.  So,  I stopped talking... When another point came up for discussion, I just stared blankly... He asked what my views were on that matter and I just smiled and said "It's okay,  you can keep talking". Remember they needed my team to endorse their plans.

After a few minutes, the same man that shouted me down started insisting that I speak and let them know what my concerns were so they can be addressed.  I did not shout... Truthfully, I didn't even remember to pray... I was actually strategizing as I sat there calmly.  I was actually planning to write an email to the person in charge of my team and let him know what my concerns were and take it up with the others.  I wasn't going to discuss with them anymore, though I  was sitting in the room.

For me,  that's the way I view submission.  If I disagree with what my husband wants to do and he is not open to my suggestions, I'm learning to keep my mouth shut and take it to the Lord in prayer.  In the place of prayer, sometimes,  I realize that my views are not right and my husband's way is better.  Sometimes, I learn we're both right/wrong but there is another way that when presented is better than what we both thought.  Sometimes,  I'm right but I need to learn to hold my peace while he realizes the issues associated with his plan.

I don't need you to agree with me o.  If you don't agree with me,  DO NOT delete yourself from my list (except you really really want to), lol.  Instead,  if you don't mind,  let's RESPECTFULLY discuss it...

It's been a drama filled weekend (not that I'm complaining ooo)  and it appears Third Mainland Bridge hasn't been informed that students have resumed.  The go-slow (traffic jam) is just normal... Enjoy your day.

Male And Female Created He Them And Blessed Them

So,  feminists and "anti-feminists" are on the war path... Me,  I'm a spectator ooo... I'm neither a feminist nor an anti-feminist... I am "all things" to "all people" that I may save some.
Above all, I believe that "Male and Female created He them and blessed them"... I believe in #GenderParity.  I also believe that people are entitled to their choices,  for as long as they are not hurting anyone, particularly children.
I love the feminists (and I'm rather sympathetic to the cause, considering the fact that I agree with about 80% of what they are saying). I also love the anti-feminists (and I agree with about 10% of what they are saying... Some of their claims are rather queer).  I love the "in-betweeners" like me because we are in between, lol.

Let me quote the scripture that I started out quoting properly...

"Though I am free and belong to no one, I have made myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible.  To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am under Christ’s law), so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings."
1 Corinthians 9: 19-23

Yesterday, while editing an article, I changed every "Business Man" to "Business People"... I changed every "sales man" to "sales person" and edited out every sexist word to make it gender neutral... That was my contribution to achieving #GenderParity yesterday.

Dear "feminist", what are you doing today to ensure that our daughters inherit an equitable future where they are not disadvantaged just because they have 2 X chromosomes? What are you doing to ensure that our sons are not disadvantaged because they have a Y chromosome? I am uncomfortable with any affirmative action that ends up advancing the cause of one gender while subjugating the other... God's intention ab initio was "male and female"...The woman is not an afterthought and the man is not a "beforethought"...."Male and female created He them and blessed them"....Genesis 1:28.

Enjoy your day.

ABOUT EMOTIONAL WOUNDS

I have a question...
Why is it that we usually expect the hurt person to still do right in spite of the fact that they are dealing with the knowledge  that a person that they trusted enough to bring into their private (and many times) intimate space deliberately took actions that betrayed that trust?

What pains me the most is that some will hurt you then dictate to you what to do with your hurt. If you're insensitive enough to hurt someone that opened up their hearts to you, I think you should stay away (after apologizing).  If/when the person you've hurt heals enough to allow you again into their space,  you can come in and work things out.  If they decide to cut off from you,  I don't think it's in your place to blackmail them with the "Forgiveness" sermon.

The fact of the matter is that betrayal inflicts an emotional wound.  Just like one needs to treat a physical wound so he/she can function properly again, you need to treat that emotional wound so you can function properly again.  Pretending that it meant nothing means you're allowing the wound to fester. Sooner than later,  it will corrode your other relationships. Then the bitterness will begin to seep out and you'll be lashing out at others. Get help... You're welcome to come to my inbox (Please get to the point QUICKLY...Thanks) and I'll point you to qualified people.

You can watch War Room all you like but it is not likely to heal your emotional wounds. Some will tell you to tell it ONLY to Jesus but I beg to remove the "ONLY"... Tell it to Jesus and let those that are qualified also help you. Stay strong my friend... The Potter is still in the business of mending broken hearts...

Enjoy your day.

Don't Lose Your Edge

This young man has been on my case to give him guidance on some topics he is working on for a project he needs to turn in pretty soon... Every time he comes around, I'm in the middle of something so I ask him to please come back... He cornered me very early this morning before I got busy...

I told him that just like the persistent widow Jesus talk about in Luke 18, his persistence would let me deal with his matter before looking at my work.  I sent him some links and he told me he didn't have internet access (on his work computer) to check out the links... I was in a good mood so I asked him if he had internet access on his phone.  Of course,  the answer was "Yes" and he is very bright so we didn't need to continue with what would have been a difficult conversation...

Because most of what we need is usually a click away,  sometimes we lose that trait of overcoming obstacles to get to an expected end... Enjoy what Ichie Zuckie and his clansmen have made available but don't ever forget the way to the library....#JustSaying

How is the day going?

ABOUT CANCER AWARENESS

I've fallen again for one of the cancer awareness one liners.  This time,  one of my aunties said she had been accepted on Master Chef... That's how I carried myself to congratulate her... To like or comment on Facebook is now unattractive...

Anyway,  I'm travelling to Hawaii... If you like,  like or comment... That means you've nominated yourself as a cancer awareness advocate... If you do,  ensure you are at least as consistent to the cause as Aunty Oby is consistent to the "Bring Back Our Girls" campaign... Stage a sit-in and tape your mouth,  if necessary...

I pray for every cancer victim/survivor, that God will comfort them in the way only He can. I pray for everyone with family and friends battling cancer that the Lord will comfort us and strengthen us in the way only He can.  I pray for everyone that has lost a loved one to cancer that the peace of God that passes all human understanding will garrison our hearts...

Enjoy your day.

Survival Tips In A Buhari Economy

This topic has been bouncing around in my head all week. So, I'll just write the vision and make it plain. Last night, I learnt the dollar is now 419 Naira. Nigerians know what the number "419" stands...Frankly, that's how I feel about the whole "change" charade but let's not dwell on that.

I'll like to share a few tips that can help minimize the hardship being experienced in this economy. Please feel free to share your tips too.

1. Track all your expenses and identify opportunities for cost savings. Look at what you spend and justify every expense. Check if you can get cheaper rates elsewhere without compromising on the utility derived. Ask yourself if you can't actually do the task yourself. I hand wash my clothes (if you don't want to, don't mind me jere). These are the practical benefits I get from hand washing.
- I save the money I would have given someone else to help me wash them or the money I would have paid for the electricity used for a washing machine.
- I get to spend the time meditating and getting inspiration and sometimes answers for pressing issues.
Erm, if you're too busy for hand washing, do what works for you o...

2. Increase your streams of income. Think outside your job. Find something legitimate you can add to your hustle.

3. If you're going to invest in a business, do your due diligence. If it will rely on human beings, make sure the Key Performance Indicators (KPIs) are set such that they have more to gain if the business succeeds. Some businesses pay their agents commissions on completed transactions (the orders that have been paid for). If you're just starting up, consider getting freelancers instead of full time staff and set milestones after which they'll be paid.

4. Don't spend all you earn. Set some aside and invest for the future. Don't put all your eggs in one basket though. Diversify your portfolio. Be careful, though, with investment opportunities that offer unrealistic return on investments (ROI). Also, ask about the goods/services that the business is involved in. If there is no product or service involved, it is a Ponzi scheme. Forget all the IPads and cars they are promising you. They are exploiting the universal nature that desires great benefits with minimal efforts. That's what happened with Wonder Banks. Don't be a victim.

5. Look out for referral programs,  coupons,  promotions.  Use your social media presence to your advantage. Don't just spend time online looking for who to shade or sub.  If your cause isn't saving or earning you money,  please find another cause. You can join our Professionals Without Borders group to learn about Deals and Opportunities around you.

6. I am a believer so I'll add this point. If you don't believe, please feel free to ignore. God takes care of His own, even in famine. God told Elijah where to go when there was famine in the land. Elijah did as he was instructed during famine and he was preserved. These days, we have to ensure that our fellowship with the Father is tight. He will lead us aright. Also, be careful with "propheliers" that will come up with many "visions" that will rob you of your money and leave you destitute. Some of them are in suits o... They are just like the wonder banks but they are feeding on the fact that you have refused to grow up and study for yourself. Grow up so you won't be tossed to and fro...

Let me stop here before I start preaching. If there are more tips you'll like to share, please go ahead. Enjoy your day.

Sunday Morning Thoughts

Erm, so as incompetent as Nigerian healthcare professionals are alleged to be,  they also have the superhuman capacity to cause cancer.. Wow...

I admit that Nigeria needs cleansing from top to bottom (or bottom to top,  if you prefer).  Or,  how does one explain a country where NFF officials are planning to spend money donated to players to pay coaches' salaries or where an EFCC chairman (paid from our collective resources)  threatens to arrest lawyers that defend those HIS EFCC have tagged to be criminals in court (scary stuff)? How does one explain the fact that a man poisoned his neighbour's food because the neighbour insulted him?  (I'm wondering how he got to the neighbour's cooking pot,  though). How do you explain the conduct of a young man who had no qualms splashing the name and pictures of a young lady who ALLEGEDLY spread Gonorrhea amongst young men (who incidentally were not named) that decided to have unprotected foursome sex and stole their valuables? What kind of children are we breeding?

Nigeria's biggest problem really is the way each of us do what seems good to US without thinking of the society at large. As we go to our individual places of worship (including your sitting room and bedroom),  ask yourself if you're part of Nigeria's problem or part of the solution providers.  Then C-H-A-N-G-E (not APC style ooo).

Happy Sunday.  Please share what you learnt wherever you worshipped today.  Enjoy your day.

USE YOUR "VOICE" WISELY

Today, I want to address women...I can't explain why but let me say that I woke up with the strong need to say this...

You know how I'm always shouting about women having voices in a marriage. Actually, I'm not about to change my mind on that. I believe BOTH husband and wife should have and USE their "voices" in the marriage. It is not godly to lord it over your spouse.

Today, I want to address womenfolk, not because men are superior. It's just that I feel very led to speak to women in particular. This morning, the Lord reminded me how I keep giving Eve and Sarah as examples of wives that had voices in their marriages. Of course, I agreed and was ready to write about that. But today's message took a different turn when I had to look at what they used their voices for. Both of them gave wrong counsel that altered the course of humanity.

Of course their husbands are not absolved of blame because they did not have to take the advice. I remember a story my VP in Secondary School told us about a young man that was advised to withdraw but was seen dragging his luggage in to the school the next term. When he was asked why he was returning to school after he was advised to withdraw, he told them he didn't take the advice. Oga, it's good to listen to your wife but you're responsible and accountable for your "FINAL ANSWER".

Back to women, just like your husband, you are responsible and accountable for giving bad advice. If all you're using your "voice" to do is to mislead and defame others, let me borrow Mama Peace's words to tell you "Chai, there is God o". We need to pass whatever we say through what is called " The Truth Test".
- Is it (factually) true? (If you're speculating or assuming, CLEARLY say so, please)
- Is it FAIR to all?
- Is it BENEFICIAL?
- Can I live comfortably even if I don't say it?

I heard women normally speak about 7000 words daily while men speak about 2000 words (I wonder if President Obama, Madam Merkel and one lawyer like that were included in this survey sha, lol). Woman, what are you doing with your words? Are you building up or tearing down? In case you were not "inform", we will give account of every word and action... Always try to remember that...

Enjoy your day.

About "Marrying Within"

Yesterday, one of the younger ladies asked me if my husband follows me to MY church. I don't own any church so I quickly corrected her.

This "MY church", " YOUR church" matter was a source of conflict for us earlier on (I was the guilty party). I have since had a brain reset and we've moved on to greater heights. Yes, I left MY church, where I was told repeatedly to marry from "within" so we'll both be listening to the same thing. He also left the church he was attending where he wasn't told that. We initially tried MY church and I'll give it to him that he tried TOO hard to fit in. I had a brain reset and now we've found OUR church, where such myths are not peddled (It is a myth).

If you want to marry from "within", please go ahead. It is not okay to force/lure someone from "without" to come "within" just so you can get married. The "marry within" commandment is man-made and MAY have merits. However, I think intending couples should discuss this issue seriously before getting married. If they can't find a common ground, I think they should go their separate ways FRANKLY. I'm not a fan of letting a critical part of you go just to get married. I term that "settling".

For couples dealing with this, I think BOTH parties need to be open-minded. My deliverance came when I asked God to open my eyes that I may see. Then, I saw that I was the one causing majority of our conflicts. It is hard letting go and allowing my husband make decisions and taking the role of the co-leader but I realize that for the peace of God to reign, that's what I need to do.

I am not mute in the marriage; I've learnt to keep quiet and let my husband speak FIRST. Then, I say whatever else I think needs to be said. Thankfully, he has a good head on his shoulders and people usually say we think alike anyway. In the rare cases where I have more to add, I state my case and try to persuade (backed up with prayers). That's what I understand submission to be but let's not argue about that one today, lol.

Back to "marry within" matter, if you want to marry within, please go ahead. Just stop dragging those from "without" and trying to make them "within" by force. And if you're "without" and you meet a "marry within" person, let me tell you the raw truth, it's only in extremely rare cases that the mindset can be changed. As your sister, I'll advise you to escape while you can but if you like, you can go ahead and hope for a miracle. All the best.

Enjoy your day.

About Depression

I learnt today that, though women are more likely to fall into depression than men, men are more likely to become suicidal as a result of depression.

Why?

My hypothesis: Girls/women, world over, are held to higher standards (unfairly) than boys/men. Somehow, this makes ladies more prepared emotionally for challenges than men...

Let me now ask those that should know, "Why are men more likely than women to commit suicide as a result of depression, though women are more likely than men to become depressed?"

As we were discussing depression, someone said that if you're feeling depressed, just remember "It will come to pass". The team nicely told him that depression is a medical condition that can be treated just like cancer etc. If it is not properly attended to, we may not be happy with how it " comes to pass".

Depression is not a sign of weakness; it's a sign that you've been strong for too long. If you're feeling depressed, reach out to a psychologist. I'll be happy to introduce you to someone that can help.

How has the day been?

BE TRUSTWORTHY

The easiest way to success is to be a TRUSTWORTHY person. Being TRUSTWORTHY ties you to a lot of things ~ Mayowa, WAZOBIA FM

When someone tells you that their services cost 7500 Naira and you go to the person that referred you to claim you were charged 10,000 Naira, you are not trustworthy and you're blocking your own road...

When someone gives you money to help them buy trucks and you buy the trucks in YOUR name, you are a fraudster, aka 419. You're not a "sharp guy"....

Many people are unsuccessful and it has nothing to do with the strong men/women of their father/mother's lineage. It is the tears of those whose trust they've betrayed that is crying out...Go and make amends and change your ways...That times of refreshing may come...

Enjoy your day.

ABOUT POTENTIAL

All of you shouting "potential" upandan, don't you realise that POTENTIAL ENERGY does not achieve anything if there is no WORK DONE?

Energy is the ABILITY to do work. If the force does not move through a distance, it doesn't mean anything...

I've found out in my few years that women are just as guilty as men in this regard, though women tend to make less noise about their potential. Too many people are playing safe, going nowhere and doing nothing but expecting to be celebrated just because they have potential. You are like that servant that hid his talent. Take it to the bank, hmm hmm; invest it, hmm hmm.

You know how everything ought to be done but you won't lift a muscle. You have ideas that will change the world but you won't move. Today, I say to you, add some EFFORT to your potential. Then, you won't have to be asking your girlfriend to borrow you 1 million Naira so you can pay her bride price. You won't have to be slaving for a man and be expecting him to buy you Brazilian hair (your own case saddens me because you are actually working but you're wasting your potential. You that could have been cooking and cleaning for a fee but you'll rather put your efforts in unproductive ventures).

In fact, let me go there....You'll be shouting about how much you've done for him and I'm trying HARD to empathize. What I'm thinking really is "Who sent you na?" If the only reason you're investing your time and resources in that man is so he can marry you, your motives are wrong. If you choose to invest your resources that way, please don't let Hephzibah stop you. I just find it really hard to empathize with those that don't realise that doing things like that reek of desperation, even after three or four heartbreaks. Of course, the guys that take from women this way are opportunists but I have to say that if you keep dating opportunists, you need to take a break and check the vibes you're giving out so you can work on it and do better in the next relationship.

Let me get my "potential" out of the bed and do something productive today. Enjoy your day.

AFTER SUBMISSION, THEN WHAT?

We were talking about women holding leadership positions in church and SOMEHOW, one of the guys kept talking about women submitting to their husbands. One of the ladies had to say "Bros, we're not talking about husband and wife matter na".
It appears that all the Scripture some men know is "Wives, submit to your husbands"... Ish...
One of the "Evangelical Feminists" I know doesn't miss a beat in responding with "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and died for her"... Hehehehe

One of the guys made perfect sense, though. As we were talking about the David/Goliath battle, he told us that it was the promises attached to killing Goliath much more than his love for God. One of the guys today said something similar as he was trying to sell one Ponzi scheme like that to me.

The scheme seemed fantastic but he was unable to tell me how the organization makes the money they are dashing out...#PonziScheme. Then I asked "Google" and I realized that the founder had been convicted in his host country.
Any scheme where you cannot see the PRODUCTS/SERVICES that are being traded is a Ponzi / Pyramid scheme. You don't have to believe me, though. Please note the words in CAPS.

How has your day been?

Today's Lesson 16062016

Acts 11
1. The disciples were "holier" than God and were annoyed that the Gospel was preached to Gentiles. We need to constantly review our lives for times when we're "holier" than the Most High and make adjustments.

2. Everyone was avoiding Saul but thank God for Barnabbas that reached out to him. I wonder what would have happened to the Epistles if there was no Barnabbas in the picture.

To Stay or To Leave

Repeat after me, "The choice to stay with or leave a cheat resides with the cheated spouse"....

On one hand, you have those that will tell you "Divorce is not an option, you MUST stay and prevail in prayers". On the other hand, you have those that mock the cheated spouse who chose to stay and work things out. I disagree with both sides...

If someone chooses to walk away from a philanderer, IT IS OKAY...I prefer that to staying and committing murder, abeg. And if someone chooses to stay and work things out, I hope they don't harbour bitterness. I also hope they allow themselves heal and take care of themselves.

The choice and guilt resides with the cheating spouse, not the cheated spouse. If there are things you could have done better, by all means fix them. Please, don't let your spouse's choices take away your joy and peace. You are still valuable to God and to humanity. Don't let your story end with "he/she stopped living because his/her spouse cheated".

All those who have opinions on what the cheated spouse should (not) do, perhaps if you wait long enough, you may be able to wear the shoes and take your own advice? Ouch, I just stepped on my own toes...

That's  my message tonight. Feel free to quarrel, I'll be gone till September, lol. Good night....

Lessons from Rahab

This (Joshua 2) is the beginning of how Rahab ended up in the genealogy of Christ.
Her country was facing an enemy invasion and it was the same attack that wiped out her country that gave her a new lease of life.

You DON'T have to go down with that "sinking ship". The flood that destroyed the world lifted Noah's ark. You can stay afloat in these times. Let God show you the path of life (Psalm 16:11). He is the Ancient of Days and the Monarch of the Universe. He knows where the "fishes" are.

Will You Be My Personal Washing Machine?

Now to the matter of national importance of whether a wife should wash her husband's clothes or not, here is my verdict...

I love washing. We have a washing machine I don't use. Why? 1) No light and 2) I am too archaic for washing machines.
When I had my baby via a C/S and my husband was told that I shouldn't do any heavy duty work for 6 weeks, he bought the washing machine. I thought, "Err Oga, shouldn't you be packing my clothes and hand washing them as a sign of your undying love?" Mba, the love no reach to wash. It took me a while to adjust to my husband's disdain for washing. When drycleaners started featuring in our conversations, I decided to wash my clothes myself. I put the bucket on a stool so I won't have to bend and I hand washed my clothes. I did it before the man came back from work.
When he came back from work and saw what I had done, he scolded me. Eventually, he left the matter. He cannot understand my love for hand washing.

For me, hand washing is my opportunity for "Me time". I sing to myself, dream and strategize. I get inspiration when I'm washing. My hands in water makes me happy. I don't understand how so many people can hate washing.

So, as an ardent lover of washing, I think a question like this is making much ado about nothing. However, what concerns me is the fact that a man is sitting somewhere putting on clothes and getting them dirty, expecting (sorry demanding) that the "slave" he bought will wash the clothes and that's a shame. For the records, I don't wash my husband's clothes. I would have loved to but he prefers giving them to drycleaners. He claims I can't scrub his collard and sleeves the way he would love them to be scrubbed so my services are not required. I will still continue to tender my proposal...

I think if the man is treating his wife well, she will not feel resentful about washing his clothes. As hard as it is for me to say, if washing is not your wife's thing, wedding vows will not miraculously make her a "washing machine". If you expect your wife to wash your clothes, sir, include it in your proposal when you're asking her to marry you. "Will you take this journey of life with me? Will you become my personal washing machine?" If she says "Yes, I'll love to"... good. If she hisses and stones you with your ring, sorry, try another lady. Lol.

Let me catch a nap now. Enjoy your day.

LET REUBEN LIVE AND NOT DIE

"Let Reuben live and not die nor his people be few..."
Deuteronomy 33: 6

Reuben was Jacob's first child. He was the heir apparent. He should have become the custodian of the Abrahamic covenant by natural order.

One day, lust came knocking at his door. The object of his lust was his father's concubine. He had a choice - put his body under or let the lust prevail. He chose to let the lust prevail. Perhaps he thought "You Only Live Once" (YOLO).

I don't believe he thought sleeping with his father's concubine was such a big deal. I can imagine him asking if it was even proper for his father to have a concubine. I can imagine him rationalizing his sin with "nobody holy pass".

After his father found out about Reuben's "indiscretion", he said NOTHING. For many years, there seemed to be no repercussions of the "indiscretion" (some suggest that he actually raped her as she was older than he was). Then on his father's death bed, when he was probably expecting to be given a double portion of the inheritance and be named as the custodian of the Abrahamic covenant, his father told him instead that he would not excel. Huh? His lust for his father's concubine was not a harmless feeling at all. It came to steal his glorious future.

I remember a sessipn I facilitated where we discussed adultery. The question was actually how a woman should react if she learns that her husband is unfaithful. The responses were interesting. Since there was a few men in the session, I decided to ask them why men cheat. Their responses were equally enlightening. One of the men said that many men cheat because they don't realize that there are GRAVE consequences. That rang true and stuck! Of course, there is that one guy that got a blow job from a random stranger then claimed she was a sea witch and had to return his destiny that she swallowed when she swallowed his sperm. We all know that his village airforce are preventing him from greatness, right?

So, for many years, Reuben and his children lived under the deserved curse. His past was hunting him. I can imagine how difficult life was. At the time Reuben himself died, the curse was still reigning. All through Moses' lifetime, the Reubenites struggled under that curse, though they were God's chosen people. Then, just before Moses died, he pronounced a blessing upon Israel. He started with Reuben and proclaimed "Let Reuben live and not die nor his people be few". It was a change in the lineage of Reuben. The "curse" had been reversed.

Today, if like Reuben, you have had an indiscretion that no one is talking about and all appears to be well, I implore you to fall on your knees and ask the Lord for mercy. Ask Him to help you. If you have been laboring under a curse due to your (in)actions, it's time to go to the Throne of Grace and receive mercy.

If you are yet to come to a saving knowledge of our Lord Jesus, please get in touch. I can help. Please send me a message either here or in an email to womentellingafricanstories@gmail.com

"Earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling; Calling 'O sinner come home'"

Enjoy your day.

Lessons From Acts 8

1. Meet Saul of Tarsus who became Paul the apostle. His "first impression" was a terrible one but we all know that he went on to become a great apostle. The fact that you met someone in a terrible state DOES NOT mean that's all there is to know about them. See people through the eyes of the Father.
2. The church had been ignoring the Lord's instruction to go into all the world and preach the gospel. Persecution FORCED them to obey. I'm convinced that Nigeria is seriously hit by this wave of economic downturn because we have Jonahs in our ship that are rebelling against what God has called them to do.
3. There are many "Simons" in our midst that speak "Christianese" but their hearts are full of bitterness. As Peter admonished, REPENT BEFORE THE BITTERNESS CONSUMES YOU. SELAH
4. I always wonder what would have happened if Phillip decided to go to the way called Straight later in the day. I think he would have missed the eunuch. Some scholars believe that it was through that eunuch that the gospel first came to Africa. Imagine Philip going later, seeing no one and wondering if it was truly God that spoke to him earlier in the day. There is usually a SET TIME when God gives His instructions. The duration of the SET TIME is only known to the Lord and those He chooses to reveal it to. It's in our best interest to obey immediately we confirm that it is INDEED the Lord leading us. Delay may be dangerous.

Please feel free to share the lessons you learnt.

HAPPY SUNDAY!

ABOUT DISOWNING CHILDREN

All these parents that will be threatening to disown their children amuse me. The more amusing thing is that some of them don't even have any inheritance to give the children. Some are even dependent on the children.

Are you going to take the child's birth certificate back to the Registry and request that your name be taken off as the parent? Will you sponsor newspaper adverts to tell the world that you have disowned the child?

I think that as kids grow older, the parent-child should evolve such that even when there are disageements, mutual respect should remain intact. Parents and children should respect each other. It is a two way street....

"Fathers, do not provoke your children...Children, obey your parents in the Lord"... Na so Bible talk am, abi?
One brilliant man/woman should please help me find the passage in the Scriptures abeg...

Enjoy your day.

HOW TO RUIN A RELATIONSHIP IN TEN MINUTES

I remember a British man I once met in a neighbouring country I travelled to for a workshop. He had interesting stories to share (I don't know why people find it easy to tell me these stories).

I told him then that I had to travel without my 4 month old baby (she was still breastfeeding, though not exclusively). I needed to go on that trip because there was a lot happening in my marriage. The trip turned out to be one that helped me realize that I was the major troubler of my home, though my husband had his own share of the blame.

The British man told me that he respects the way women seemed to know what to do with children. He shared about how he once gave his 3 month old child some whiskey when he had exhausted all options of making the crying stop. He said that when his wife asked him how he got the child to stop crying, he just told her it was Daddy's magic. He later confessed that he gave the child some whiskey.

I really wanted to know what his wife did when she learnt that he gave a 3 month old baby some whiskey. If I remember correctly (it's been a few years now), his wife looked up the effects of whiskey on a child. Then they had a fact-based discussion on the merits/demerits of giving a baby some whiskey. There was NO drama. I was shocked!

That was sooo not me. If my husband had given MY baby anything I did not approve of, there would have been a village meeting. We would have gathered at the village square to settle the matter. I was shocked when he finished the story. I think I must have said something POLITELY about not approving of giving a child whiskey.

As I remember the story now, I see the wisdom in the British woman's approach. I have tried the approach a few times myself and I believe it is helpful. When my husband appears with a strange concept, instead of shooting it down as an unreasonable idea of just accepting it as a "submissive wife", I research the idea and come up with facts for/against the concept. If a decision has to be made immediately and I have not yet got my facts right, I let him have his way, if safe, and continue my research.

When my research is robust enough and I've spent enough time in the prayer closet aka War Room, I go with my facts, if I realize that his way is not the best way. That is not because my husband is my Lord and King. It is because you need divine intervention to get ANYONE (male or female) to change their way of thinking. Most of the time, though, after taking time to research the topic properly (not just looking for facts that support MY position), I realize that I am the one that needs to shift ground. Then I'm glad I did not call the village elders to come and witness my shameful insistence on having my own way...

If you choose to only focus on having your way, you WILL ruin vital relationships. It doesn't matter if you are male or female. A "know-it-all" drains his/her partner. I've been there, done that and I have the T-Shirt...Now, I'm learning to listen to AND ACCOMMODATE other perspectives. It is not an easy road to walk on but I'm learning that if I wish to influence others, it is NOT negotiable.

And that's how the much anticipated holiday flew away. Yeah, I blame the past administration for that too. Lol.

Enjoy your day.

RAISING RESPONSIBLE MEN

Everyone wants to teach women/the girl child one thing or the other, which isn't altogether bad.

What gets to me is that only few people are teaching the men/boy child how to lead, particularly at home. Who is training our men/boys on what it means to lead a family in the way God desires?

We are TOO focused on TEACHING the women/girls and HOPING that the men/boys will know what is expected. Such a society will remain backward. If we will achieve #GenderParity, we must invest in teaching our men/boys and equipping them emotionally, mentally, physically etc for their roles as much as, if not more than, we do for the women/girls.

Where are the faithful men who are able to teach others? The harvest is plentiful but the labourers are few. As we continue to pray the Lord of the Harvest for more labourers, please can you stand up to be counted and to redeem this generation? It's time to redeem this generation of men. The stories of abuse, infidelity and high-handedness I read daily are heartbreaking. This is not what God had in mind when He made the man the head of his home...

Selah!

SOMETIMES A GOOD WIFE HAS A CONTRARY OPINION

I was talking with one of my managers today and for whatever reason, he felt I was being difficult. He eventually got my point, by the way.

He asked what I would do if my daughter was naughty. I told him I'll take time to understand WHY she was acting the way she was and punish her ONLY if I could verify that she was just being naughty. Then he asked how my husband deals with me when I'm being naughty. I'll share my response after my sermon, lol.

I think many men expect their wives to ALWAYS defer to them and never oppose them. I don't think such men are realistic. Sometimes, a woman does not agree with her husband's choices and she feels strongly enough about it to refuse to back down. Sometimes, she's right and sometimes, she's wrong. A good number of men think it's their duty to MAKE her do what they want. The wise husbands take a different approach.

The wise husbands take the matter to the Lord in prayer. They ask God to show them how to address the issue. Sometimes, God will ask them to listen to their wives as He instructed Abraham when Sarah asked him to chase away Hagar and Ishmael. Sometimes, He'll work on the woman's heart and get her to willingly defer to what her husband is asking for.
The people that make the most mistakes in life are the ones that don't think others have anything to offer them.
My manager eventually saw my point but I decided to do what he wanted (just so I can have peace, lol). My response to his question was that whenever I'm stubbornly insisting on my own way, my husband carries my matter to my Maker. I know that because God usually gets on my case. Everywhere I turn, it'll be the topic of discussion till I finally give in, lol.
Enjoy your day.

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NA WHO TAUNTING DON EPP?

I find it troubling when I see people mocking/taunting those married to cheats/philanderers because of their spouses' wickedness... Assuming he/she was aware of the partner's cheating ways, I'm struggling to see how taunting/mocking helps. In street parlance, na who the mocking/taunting don epp?

It's just like mocking/taunting those that voted for APC believing that their situations would CHANGE (improve). Now their situations have truly CHANGED but I can't honestly say it's been for the better. I could ask them what they were expecting from the same crew that, while in PDP, led us to this "quagmire". (For some reason, I still find it hard to believe that Nigeria is as broke as they claim we are. Have the presidential jets that have been taking our president to about 36 countries in less than a year been flying with water?)

I won't ask them, though, because "Na who mocking/taunting don epp? Welcome to another week. God opened Hagar's eyes and she saw a well of water when she and her son had exhausted their supplies. The Lord sustained them in very difficult circumstances. I pray that as we cry to the Lord, He will open our eyes to miraculous opportunities. [If you don't believe in miracles, sorry o. I've seen too many not to believe].

Enjoy your day.

IF GOD IS PLEASED WITH US

"Joshua son of Nun and Caleb son of Jephunneh, members of the scouting party, ripped their clothes and addressed the assembled People of Israel: “The land we walked through and scouted out is a very good land—very good indeed. If God is pleased with us, he will lead us into that land, a land that flows, as they say, with milk and honey. And he’ll give it to us. Just don’t rebel against God! And don’t be afraid of those people. Why, we’ll have them for lunch! They have no protection and God is on our side. Don’t be afraid of them!”"
Numbers 14: 6-9

Good morning. As I studied today's Bible reading, these verses jumped out to me. I have read and quoted this passage at least a hundred times. Today, it took on a new meaning.

There are many "cheap" battles that God's children engaged in and lost. There are many "hard" battles that God's people engaged in and won. The determinant of how the battle ends is our standing with the Lord as we engage in the battle. Some of us are living as we please and we're expecting the Lord to follow our lead. Hmmm. Lord means Master. We are the followers, He is our Leader.

We were created for the Lord's pleasure; God is not like your water dispenser knob that you turn on and off as you please. He is Lord! It is our will that should bend to His will.

Enjoy your day