IN CONCLUSION - Titus2Series

#Titus2Series

I'll be touching on each of the themes covered by verses 9-15.

 

First of all, I find it interesting that slaves were to be taught to respect their masters by their pastors in order to make the teaching about God, our Saviour attractive, not to fight for their emancipation. I'm still chewing on that. I'll appreciate your thoughts on this.

 

Secondly, the grace of God that offers salvation teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions. It teaches us to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives. If the grace you're offering doesn't fulfil these requirements; it is NOT the grace of God. Let me shorten this post by not talking about the evil that has been perpetuated in the name of grace.

 

Thirdly, believers are to wait for the blessed hope - the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ and live self-controlled, upright and godly lives while we wait. Some claim they are waiting but they've stopped living while others have indulged in worldly pleasures and have stopped waiting. We are to live while we wait and wait while we live.

 

Jesus Christ redeemed us from ALL wickedness and purified us to BE HIS OWN (Not your pastor's puppet or to do your own thing, mind you). We are to be eager to do what is good. These days, I see people being eager to do EVERYTHING except what pleases the Master...And I smile as I pass by...You are definitely in my prayers.

 

The minister is to ENCOURAGE AND REBUKE. If, as a minister, all you do is to encourage, well done. However, your work is incomplete. If all your hearers hear every time is a "feel good" message, you need to check again ooo. Lest you've started doing your own. If your own messages are always about HELL FAYA and how everyone has gone astray, please check again...The balanced minister has a healthy dose of encouragement and rebuke.

 

The minister is to encourage and rebuke WITH AUTHORITY. I looked up this verse in the New Living Version. It says that Titus had the right and power to encourage and rebuke his congregation. I'll like to focus a bit on the ministers that claim that they don't want to tell a man when he is the one ruining his marriage and instead guilt-trip the wife about how she should keep praying which, by the way, isn't a totally bad idea. If the man is a member of your congregation, you have the right and the power to encourage AND REBUKE him. Enough of the skewed messages coming from our pulpits that only rebuke victims and encourage abusers. The grace of God has appeared to ALL (male and female) and it teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions.

 

Thanks for staying with me on this Titus 2 series. If you missed any of the posts, you can catch up on the blog. I'll move on to the #FruitOfTheSpirit series.

Enjoy your day.

An Abuser Can Change

A while ago, I spoke rather harsh words to my husband. It wasn't my first time. He responded and we both said really hurtful words to each other.
I went to the guest room and cried. After crying, I reported him to the Holy Spirit. Of course, I didn't report myself because as far as I was concerned, I was just reacting to his 'wickedness'. So, I waited for God to tell me that He would flog my husband and warn him never to mess with the apple of His eyes...

When I heard from God, the answer was FAR from what I expected...The Lord asked me if I would have said ANY of the things I said to my husband to any brother in church. My answer was NO! He asked if I would have reacted the same way I did if it was a brother in church that committed the 'crime' my husband supposedly committed (He didn't do things the way Queen Oyinda wanted them done). My answer obviously was "NO".
Finally, God asked me if my husband isn't my brother in Christ...I became silent for a long time...I had no smart answer...
Many of us treat our spouses worse than we'll treat strangers YET we're supposed to be one flesh...With your mouth, my sister, you belittle him. With your mouth/fists, you strip her of honor and dignity...You are violating your vows and God was at the wedding ceremony ooo.

I wish I can tell you that I'm perfect and never feel like hitting my husband with words that'll destroy his self-confidence. That's a lie! However, if I fall into that sin, I won't justify it and claim it's not as bad as hitting him or stabbing him. I'm not channeling my frustrations properly and my conflict resolution skills are poor. I realise I need to know how to channel my anger to more productive activities and only return to the discussion when I can speak without yelling and using hurtful words. My boss still coached me recently about keeping my voice down when I'm upset. And I KNOW I'm trying.
I believe an abuser can change ONCE he/she acknowledges that he/she is abusive and submits himself/herself to godly counsel. It's helpful to identify your triggers, understand WHY they make you so furious and make an action plan to help you choose a more productive reaction instead of yelling or hitting.
These days, when I feel the anger rising, I try to walk away. If I can not, I find a way to switch off from the conversation and maybe count 1-10 (or 20 or whatever number gets me calm). Then I can return and have that conversation again.
I've had a rewarding day, though I had to use my anger management technique once today. I trust that your day has been fantastic?

Random Musings 2

So, I actually came across a post by a real lesbian yesterday. And I've been asking myself critical questions...How can I show God's love without endorsing homosexuality? It's part of the music that has been playing in my head all day.

Then there's my question about whether it's polite to ask people to look things up when you can easily provide the answer.

Then, the one that is ALWAYS on my mind - Domestic Violence and Abuse is where it is. I'm quite optimistic about the‪#‎WhiteRibbonMovement‬. I'll be sharing more about it as I get more information.

Then I've been reading from those who have been screaming about inclusion yet they have difficulties including those that have views that are different from theirs. Once when I was going on and on about "the truth", a dear friend told me gently but firmly "That's your opinion"...

Anyway, I realise we all have the tendency to believe that we're the blameless saints and anyone who doesn't believe what we believe is the stupid bigot...I think, as believers, we need to subject our beliefs to the light of God's word and let Him be the reason why we do what we do. And if you don't believe in God, it's helpful to sit and review your beliefs and update, if required...I think you're wrong but I guess you already knew that, lol.

Anyway, I was going to gist about a woman I met yesterday that stunned me...I had gone to buy some airtime and I met the Madam of the shop. Apparently, she just finished HITTING a child (I don't know if it's her child or her ward). I must have narrowly missed the action. So the "Aunty" in her shop tried to raise the issue of child-battering with her as the kids had all gone on different errands. I was waiting for one of the kids to return with the air time I asked for. As the "Aunty" brought up the issue, "Madam" responded with "Aunty, e fi iyen le" (Aunty, leave that thing). So, Aunty "shut-upped" her mouth and was just looking at "Madam" as she was taking her irritation out on others. "Aunty" did not say "pim". I followed "Aunty" to shut up my mouth too.
When one of the kids returned (I assume it was the one that received the beating earlier), she began to threaten to beat him. By that time, I had got my air time and was about to take my leave.

I'll like to know if a passerby can report cases of child abuse in Nigeria. If yes, to whom? What evidence do I need to prove that a child is being abused? I'm thinking of reporting that "Madam". Yeah, I know I should Google it, right? I asked Google and she told me to ask on Facebook, lol.

Then, there's the question of my state of origin. I married someone from another state of Nigeria. Do I claim my husband's state of origin or my father's state of origin? I don't even know again. One of the female ministerial nominees was rejected by her husband's people. The same happened with the Late Dr. Dora Akunyili. My people, please educate thy sister ooo.

In case you haven't noticed, this is a random musing. How has your day been?

FOR YOUNG MEN

#Titus2Series

"In the same way, urge the young men to be self-controlled"

Titus 2:6

 

Good evening. Finally I am getting to the part for young men. I planned to focus heavily on self-control (and I still will) but as I typed, I observed that the verse started with "In the same way". So, I asked "In the same way as what?" I looked at verse 3 and I observed that it also started with "In the same way". I believe this is a charge to ministers not to have different standards for men and women; for the young and the old. Obviously, a minister can't treat everyone in the same way all the time. However, one needs to ensure that his/her doctrine does not place undue responsibility on one group while encouraging another group to do as they please.

 

If you observe carefully, self-control is required of all the groups. It is a fruit of the spirit. I find it amusing how Christian men are quick to justify adultery, violence, pornography etc with "I'm only human" whereas they are quick to quote scriptures to a woman who has stumbled...Some men think that being the head of the home releases them to act anyhow without being called to order. The same scriptures you've been using to ask your wife to submit tells you to exercise self-control. I personally consider it hypocritical for a man who is not exercising self-control to be the one shouting from the rooftops that his wife is not living according to verses 4-5.

 

A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls. I'm sure you think it's Hephzibah that's yabbing you, right? Oya check Proverbs 25:28. Yeah, you can thank me later. If you don't control your passions, they'll leave you in ruins (this applies to women too).

 

I have one more post to go on the #Titus2Series. Then, I'll move on to #FruitOfTheSpirit. Thanks for taking this journey with me.

 

Enjoy your day.

CONCERNING DIVORCE

I respect anyone's decision to stick it out and forgive anything their spouse does. It's noble, really. However, I don't agree with those who expect others to live by their personal choices.

If the spouse of a philanderer (a serial adulterer) came to me for counsel, I'll lay ALL cards on the table. Based on my understanding of the scriptures, there is an allowance for divorce (by the hurt spouse) in this instance but he/she cannot remarry. If they cannot 'hold body', my understanding is that they are to be reconciled to their spouse. If the hurt party tells me he/she cannot 'hold body', my counsel is for them to stay and work things out while ensuring they use protection every time they're intimate with the philandering spouse. If the hurt party say they can do without, the choice of staying and working things out or walking away WITHOUT bitterness is actually theirs.

If a person abandons his/her spouse; I think the other party should explore all legitimate avenues for reconciliation. If the abandoning party insists, my understanding is that the abandoned party is free to remarry.

The Bible gives allowance for divorce but it isn't compulsory that one must use those allowances. If one's spouse is hurting him/her consistently or if they walk away, divorce IS an option. I also think we need to stop sending signals that divorce is the unpardonable sin. I know divorce is undesirable but it isn't unpardonable. When Jesus spoke with the woman at the well, he recognized that she had had 5 HUSBANDS! He recognized all the 5 previous unions. He also told her that the one she was currently living with was not her husband (before someone starts teaching me Hebrew, Greek and Latin words, lol). For the record, any marriage conducted in accordance with the laws of the land where the couple celebrated their union is legal and has God's support. You can follow my Nigerian Marriage Act Review on hobcommentary.blogspot.com for more about legal marriages in Nigeria.

Anyone telling you that the person you married (legally o) is not God's will for you is practising witchcraft, run away from them. Like I said earlier, God will defend the marriage covenant. I'll talk more about this in my letter to the "Other Person". Be careful not to mess with God. As loving as He is, my God is a consuming fire...‪#‎BeGuided‬.

I've read about some that believe that God only recognises the first marriage and for others, it's only a "sex covenant"...I can't find any portion of the Bible that supports that position (Please feel free to share any scripture that does). Like I said, divorce IS an option, though not desirable. I believe a person whose unbelieving spouse filed for divorce (I'll add PERSONALLY, "for unjust reasons") is free to remarry. That's my understanding of 1 Corinthians 7: 15.

There's the question of if it is a believing spouse that filed for divorce. It isn't resolved in my mind. I think a believing spouse shouldn't file for divorce but I'll love to hear from you about this. I've read an account where the believing spouse said she had to file for divorce because remaining legally married to the man meant she had to bear his many financial burdens. Like Paul, I don't have a command from the Lord on this matter. I'll love to say that you should find a way to avoid having to bear the financial burden without filing for divorce but only the person wearing the shoes know where it pinches.

A friend said to me, and I agree, that though "God hates divorce" (I think we need to read the whole passage to get the context though, i.e. Malachi 2: 10-17), He loves the divorcee. I find it ironic that it's the injured party we tend to tell that God hates divorce while we walk on eggshells around the party actually breaking their vows.

There are so many diverse reasons why marriages end in divorce. Some of the reasons are fickle and I do not support such divorces. However, telling someone who has already finalized such a divorce that God hates divorce isn't helpful, in my opinion. I think the proper message to such a person is that he/she is valuable to God. If possible, one can mediate between both parties FAIRLY and work towards reconciliation.

In cases where the issues are weighty, eg adultery, abuse etc, I think the first step is to try to get help for the party that broke the marital vows while offering support to the injured party. There should also be focus on helping the injured party avoid getting bitter. Again, the "God hates divorce" mantra isn't helpful here, in my opinion. Hopefully, the couple may eventually reconcile (I am an optimist, lol) and in some cases, they may never reconcile...That's a fact of life.

Then, there's the case of those that abandon their spouses, travel to a "far country" and then return to find that the other party has remarried. In my opinion, that door is closed...at least while the other marriage is valid.

I know divorce is uncomfortable to think about. However, we have people among us that may have legitimate reasons to consider the option as well as those that have gone ahead with divorce. I believe our gospel is incomplete if we exclude divorcees; they are part of the world that Jesus' blood was shed for.

Thanks for taking the time to read my long sermon. Enjoy your day.

FOR WOMEN

#Titus2Series

 

"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."

Titus 2: 3-5

 

Good morning. Today we're focusing on women, young or old. Ministers are to teach older women to be reverent in the way they live. Seriously, we have too many irreverent older women. Some of them are the mothers-in-law tormenting their daughters-in-law, some are the aunties sheltering their nephews that have abandoned their families yet they are quoting scriptures to the women. With all due respect, in many of the marital conflicts, there is an older woman giving bad advice.

 

Older women, the Bible says you shouldn't be slanderers and you shouldn't be addicted to much wine. This means older women have a tendency to become slanderers, if they don't watch it. I was listening to an older woman yesterday and she started making assumption upon assumption and was already slandering the lady she was talking about when I pointed out to her that we don't know for sure that ANY of her assumptions were true. Slander is the end result of passing assumptions as facts. Older women, the fact that you know the cousin of the friend of a neighbour's ex-colleague's ex-fiance that did something similar does not mean that's the case here. Please take time to find out the details of THIS case before coming to conclusions. This is one area where you need to be careful not to let your previous experience mislead you.  

 

I'm wondering why these older women took to wine in the first place? To drown their (marital) sorrows? If you're facing a (marital) challenge and instead of finding lasting solutions, you take to 'wine' (feel free to substitute wine with anything else - work, church, Facebook etc), you'll end up misleading others. Please let God help you and guide you. I'm not saying you shouldn't do any of these things; just don't become ADDICTED to them.

 

Older women, after you've gone through (and come through), THEN you are to urge (teach) younger women. You've received comfort in trying times. Please share that with younger women. I know everyone (I mean E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E) believe they can talk down at young women in the guise of teaching them but it's older women that are given that task. Obviously, younger women need to make themselves available to be taught.

 

It is NOT okay for you, young woman, to disrespect the older woman because you can speak English. Even if you think you know more than she does, remain respectful. I shared about an older woman that was basically slandering another lady in my presence. I courteously pointed out to her that we don't know for sure that what she was saying was true and changed the topic. I haven't started an online campaign, calling her names because of what she said. I believe a lot of younger women need to understand what respect really means. Respect doesn't mean you'll always nod like a lizard to all that you're being told; it just means that even if you have to express a contrary opinion, you pass it across without insulting the other person. I know we may be passionate about some of the issues we're dissenting about. However, we need to be careful about how we communicate our dissent. These older women have things to teach us; they've seen things we haven't seen. #BeGuided.

 

Younger women, please love your husband and children. If you can't love him, please don't marry him. If you can't love them, please don't have children. If he's abusing you, please love him/the children enough to seek GODLY PROFESSIONAL HELP. Love them enough to SPEAK UP and separate, if necessary, while he gets the GODLY PROFESSIONAL HELP required to be whole enough to be reunited with his family. If he is a philanderer, love him/the children to protect yourself and SPEAK UP. If he is immature, love him enough to lovingly pray for him and build him up as much as you can.

 

I'll need to have a 2nd part for women. Please meditate on these things. May God help us all as we make the necessary adjustments.

 

Enjoy your day.

SNAPSHOTS FROM YESTERDAY

So, I met this man with his son and daughter at the supermarket yesterday.
As I was paying for my goods, he asked me if I smell my books before reading. According to him, his wife loves books. His daughter confirmed that her mum has many books. I told her that perhaps Mummy will soon instill the love of books in her, so she better watchout!
I asked him if he reads too and he said he does...ONLINE (Aren't men from Mars? Lol).
It was so sweet thinking of a man who chooses to ...shop WITH THE KIDS while his wife gets some "me-time". I hope the family is doing well...

As I walked into my potential client's office, he claimed he almost panicked. According to him, his wife and I have the same stature and she lives in another state with the kids. He eventually showed me his wife's picture and I can see his point...So, I asked him why he panicked and he said he wondered if his KIDS were okay. That was his first thought...Hmmmm...
He was sooo happy to talk about his family. I think we spent about 60% of our meeting talking about his family (and eventually mine). I didn't mind. I think it meant a lot to him; he's added more to the scope of work. I don't think it was only my competence and looks that won him over. I actually prayed for favour before meeting him. I'm sure it had a lot to do with it. I suspect that the fact that I listened to him as he carried on about his family also counted.
I met up with a friend and his 'boss'. They're the ones that connected me with the potential client. We met in an eatery. I saw a guy I knew in the eatery. Apparently, he was on a date with this young lady. As I took my seat on the next table to theirs, he kept talking to me while his date looked on helplessly. I had to stylishly say something about allowing him get on with his date. ‪#‎SoNotCool‬.
I got there before the guys I met with did and had already ordered something to eat. I must have been eating for about 10 minutes when the guys arrived. They ordered their snacks and managed to finish their meal before I did. As a lady, I don't talk while eating. I guess they had no such rules as guys. I wouldn't have noticed if one of them hadn't pointed it out. We laughed over it but now I'm wondering if it isn't sexist to teach girls not to talk while eating (or vice versa) while guys aren't taught the same...Hmmmm, food for thought...
‪#‎SnapshotsFromYesterday‬
How's your day going? Enjoy the weekend.

FOR OLDER MEN

‪#‎Titus2Series‬
"Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance."
Titus 2:2
The Titus 2 series continues. I guess I've been positively distracted by work (including ministry work and house work, lol). Like I said in the first post, if you search for Titus 2 on the internet, most, if not all, that turns up is focused on the womenfolk. Thankfully, Titus 2 has something for everyone and interestingly, it starts with older men.
Paul admonished Bishop Titus to teach older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. Unfortunately, many believe only God can teach men these things while everyone (I mean EVERYONE) can teach WOMEN...Ministers of God, please we need these truths to be taught to our older men without neglecting to teach our women.
I'll touch on each of these. However, since I'm not a Bishop, I won't dwell too much on each. I'll trust you to do some personal Bible Study. Also, young men, this is what you should be aspiring to as you grow.
(A) TEACH OLDER MEN TO BE TEMPERATE
Temperate means "showing moderation or self-restraint". Verily, verily, I say to you my brethren, you cannot prove your temperance/moderation/self-restraint unless you have faced a situation where you could have acted otherwise. If your wife's behaviour made you hit her or lash out, you still have some distance to cover in temperance/moderation/self-restraint. I have a lot to say but I'm trying to keep the post short, lol.
(B) TEACH OLDER MEN TO BE WORTHY OF RESPECT
The key word here is "worthy". Hephzibah's translation would be something like "Respect thyself that thou might be respected". Some older men expect to be respected because of their age, others because of their gender. Hmmm, brother, respect is earned. Again, plenty stories but ‪#‎NoTime‬.
(C) TEACH OLDER MEN TO BE SELF-CONTROLLED
This is very similar to (A) so I won't repeat myself. I'll just add that you need to master your self - your urges, temper, love of gadgets/football etc. Check your motives.
(D) TEACH OLDER MEN TO BE SOUND (IN LOVE, FAITH AND ENDURANCE)
We need our men to understand and be grounded in love, faith and endurance. I understand that you may have had few (or no) role models. You can become a role model, sir, if you let God lead and guide you.
I am participating in a discussion that challenges women to share some of the nice things that a Nigerian man has done for them. Some of the things some of these men have done need to be published; they are the unsung heroes of our time. I realised, though, that many of the nice things were done by older men. It reminded me of a time when I was basically comparing my husband to my father while grumbling to my mum. She told me that my dad was more or less like my husband when he was my husband's age but as he grew older, he grew wiser and more mature (I know some men are NOT yet growing wiser as they grow older. Their matter will be addressed separately). So, dear women, my point is that with some patience and loving support from you and others, your husband will usually grow to become more loving and responsible so keep tending your own garden. The grass is only greener on the other side because someone is tending it.
Enjoy your day.
PS: Nothing in this post justifies domestic violence/abuse (DV&A). If you're a victim/perpetuator of DV&A, please seek professional help. I'll be glad to recommend godly and professional counsellors.