PRAYING THROUGH

The most effective people I know are not forceful; they state their case then spend more time praying for you.
If you ever find yourself saying "I have been telling him/her/them the same thing and he/she/they have refused to change", it's time to switch gears. You need to start praying more and talking less.
At some point, my younger brother took a job I considered to be slavery. I let him know what I thought about his job and it obviously didn't sit well with him. My dad d...idn't see my point. My mum saw my point but wasn't willing to get too involved in the matter. I complained for a while then I realised that I needed to talk less and pray more.
A few months later, my brother came back home and told us that he resigned. What his employer did that made him resign wasn't really a big deal; he had swallowed greater nonsense from his employer. I didn't tell him "I told you so" though I was really itching to do so, lol. I continued to pray.
After leaving that 'job', he went through a really rough patch. One good thing that came out of that phase for him was that he learnt humility.
We spent some time together last weekend. I was so happy to hear him guiding his colleague on the proper way to channel his complaints. I know he is growing. I won't stop praying for him now.

No matter how many people deride prayer, it won't lose its power. Keep watching and praying.
Enjoy your day.

THIS FAIRYTALE IDOL

 *Warning: Long Post Ahead*
Good day. How are you doing?
I remember wondering why Angela Bassett (I hope I got that right?) didn't marry Larry Fishbourne in "Akeelah and The Bee". I thought that was the perfect ending. Somewhere in the corner of my mind, I felt that every woman should have some romance and somehow, the knight in shining armour would come and complete her.
mariedLet me quickly state that I believe marriage is honorable and can be a beautiful thing when done right. I am a bit concerned, though, about the notion that a woman is incomplete without a man. I can tell you that I first learnt that from the fairy tales I read as a child - Snow White and the seven dwarves, Cinderella (or Chinda Ella Babalola, as we've been taught by Eketi Aime Ette) and Sleeping Beauty etc. They all got married and "lived happily after" (?)
Imagine my shock when I started reading the Bible and I met Tamar, the lady that married Er(ror?), the son of Judah, who was perhaps the most godly man in her land. I'm sure they had a fairytale wedding. Only God knows how wicked Er was...God said He, the Almighty, slew Er. So, I know there are sons of Belial among the sons of Judah...Then she got passed on to Onan, who was equally wicked enough to get himself killed by the Almighty...You may want to look up 'onanism', that came from Onan, a son of Judah...Then the family suspected that it was Tamar (or her spirit husband/children) that was/were killing their sons (no, it had nothing to do with their wickedness...)
Then they quickly used 'sense' to put her away...She was to die childless and destitute. I wish I could say it was God that gave Tamar the idea on how to deal with Judah and his family. The truth is, I sincerely don't know who gave her the idea. What stood out for me, though, was that when God settled Tamar's matter, NO Prince Charming came to marry her and roll away the "reproach of her singleness". Through sons born in 'embarassing' circumstances, Tamar found herself in My Saviour's lineage...I've written a bit about Tamar's 'embarassing' story; it's on the Hephzibah's Musings blog.
Then I met Hagar. After the untidy arrangement with Abram and Sarai, I didn't read of a Prince Charming coming along to sweep her off her feet and help her raise her son. It was the Lord Almighty that was with the boy as he grew. I didn't read that Hagar remarried or had a lover that helped her raise her son (kudos to the men that step up, though).
Then I met Martha. I didn't read about her husband or sugar daddy. Yet she had a house where she, Mary and Lazarus lived. I didn't hear Jesus casting out the "Incubus" that caused Mary and Martha to remain unmarried or the generational curse(s) that made Martha, Mary and Lazarus remain single beyond the 'magical' age of 30 (Please, can someone advise on why 30 is the threshold, particularly for ladies?)
Am I saying marriage is not important? Not really. I also met married people in the Bible who did great things. However, a good number of them did not "live happily ever after" because they married "perfect" spouses. They had to obtain promises through faith and patience just like you and I. In fact, we are admonished to follow the examples of those who, through faith and patience, obtained the promise.
Paul's submission about singleness and marriage in 1 Corinthians 7 are VERY instructive.
"Now to the unmarried[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion."
1 Corinthians 7: 8-9
If so, why are we blaming "Incubus" and "Sucubus" for delaying marital destinies? My people, my people, we need to be careful so that somebody will not call a dog a monkey and we'll just be following blindly. Let's not make marriage into an idol. It is this idolatry that is causing many problems.
Oh, and I heard today about a "sisto" that refused to go with her husband on the trip to Jerusalem because her body is the temple of the Most High. I'm not sure how they settled her matter but if you and her are in the same category, please read 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 CAREFULLY! There's a blog post dedicated to this matter.
Let me go back and face my work. I trust you're keeping well. As you've got to the end, please reward yourself with some cold water from your fridge. heart emoticon heart emoticon
Have a restful evening.

LETTER TO MY FRIENDS

Dear Friends,
Be careful who you talk to about your marital challenges. There are people out there who are working as the devil's agents to take advantage of every slight misunderstanding.
The devil's strategy is to steal, kill and destroy. That's what these agents do. They tell the wife whose husband hasn't yet learnt how to help around the house that he can never change. They paint a gloomy picture of the future and then let you (like Eve) lead yourself astray. They tell th...e husband whose wife hasn't learnt how to talk respectfully that she can never change. They paint a gloomy picture of the future and then let you lead yourself astray.

Be careful about these kinds of people. More importantly, don't be one of such advisors. When people come bearing tales about their spouses, take time to listen actively and hear what they are NOT saying. Gently but firmly ask them what transpired BEFORE the spouse (over-)reacted. Then gently ask them kind questions about the gaps (Please ask questions that don't blame the 'victim'). Also, let the Holy Spirit lead you on the questions to ask.
Before you start giving counsel based on a one-sided conversation, ask if you can discuss with the spouse. It is not wise to make decisions on what you've heard from just one of the spouses (even if he/she is your child or sibling). Things are rarely as they seem.
TO BE CONTINUED.
PS: Nothing here justifies abuse/philandering. If you're dealing with either or both of this, please seek godly professional help and please tell the counsellor the truth so they can truly help you. Stay blessed.

LETTER TO THE BELIEVER

Dear Believer,
We live in the last days where men are lovers of themselves rather than lovers of God. There is a tendency for us to seek other believers and cluster together because "evil communication corrupts good manners". However, we need to realise that inspite of the corruption that abounds, we are still expected to make the gospel relevant in our days.
We are to shine the light by our words and actions. We need to make the gospel relevant (without watering down) in ou...r day. We need to reach out in the marketplaces. Our knowledge of "Greek" and "Latin" words may not help here.

"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because He has chosen me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind; to set free the oppressed and announce that the time has come when the Lord will save His people" (Luke 4: 18-19).
That's what's been ringing in my spirit all day...
Brethren, if we can sing the gospel, let's do so; if we can act movies with the gospel, let's do so...The gospel is GOOD NEWS! We need to get the message out to the poor, captives, blind and oppressed. God is counting on us...We are His ambassadors...Let's share it however and in whatever form that we can till the whole world is filled with this gospel...
Good night friends.

HEPHZIBAH ON FEMINISM

For the records, I'm neither a feminist nor a 'masculist'; I'm just a woman who believes that
1. Men and women are equal and have complementary roles.
2. God doesn't prefer one gender to the other. HE created us as male and female.
3. We can ALL get along if we try hard enough to understand what the other person is trying to say. There is no value in insulting another person because he/she has a contrary opinion. We can dissent decently.
4. A woman that chooses to stand by h...er boyfriend while he fathers children here and there is NOT necessarily a role model, even if the philandering boyfriend finally married her. With all due respect, that doesn't count as stuff role models are made of. Touching lives and transforming destinies are two things to look out for in role models.
5. There is nothing that can't be resolved with either sliced bread or Jollof Rice. grin emoticon
Good night friends.

SOUND DOCTRINE

#Titus2Series

 

"You, however, must teach what is appropriate to sound doctrine... In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us."

Titus 2:1, 7-8

I'm sure someone is wondering how I decided to focus on Titus 2. I'll gladly tell you why. Once I was searching for a picture for Titus.  Most, if not all, of what turned up in my search was for the Titus 2 woman. There's even a group on Facebook called Titus 2 Mum. There appears to be a fixation on teaching ONLY women to be godly. I don't agree with this fixation so I decided to shine the light instead of cursing darkness. I believe there's a lot each person can learn from Titus 2. I pray that the Word will locate and transform you.

Today, we'll be focusing on the minister of the Gospel. According to church history, Titus was the first bishop of Crete. Paul referred to the words of a Cretan prophet (which he agreed with, by the way) that Cretans were liars, wicked beasts and lazy gluttons. Paul instructed Titus to rebuke them sharply (because dem no dey hear small small, lol). The "them" Paul was referring to were those deceiving others with their nonsense, holding on to Jewish legends and human commandments...Those who claim to know God but their actions deny it.

In contrast, Titus was to teach what agrees with sound doctrine. Paul went on to state what sound doctrine was to different categories of persons. Emphasizing on one truth and neglecting others is NOT sound doctrine, dear Minister.

I was watching a preacher on TV and he got to a point where he talked about submission. Then he went on forever about how wives are to submit to their own husbands (which isn't a lie) and a neo-radical evangelical feminist watching with me quickly said "And husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the Church". Unfortunately, he never managed to even as much as drop in the bit about husbands loving their wives before continuing his sermon. I didn't even totally agree with all he said about submission but I believe there would have been balance if he mentioned the point about husbands loving their wives, as Christ loves the Church.

I understand that one of the veterans of the faith in Nigeria has said that he's going to dedicate the rest of his days reversing the erroneous teachings that he has helped perpetuate. I once read a book by the Late Kenneth E. Hagin where he said God told him after about 10 years of ministry that 70% of what he (Kenneth E. Hagin) was teaching was not in the Bible and that was the cause of the lack of demonstration of the power of the Holy Spirit in his ministry. I know some hold contrary views about Late Kenneth E. Hagin but I'm convinced he was right on this count.

Dear minister, I believe it's time to review your doctrine and confirm that what you believe and teach is actually what the Word of God says about the matter. You will give account on your doctrine so I believe you need to review it. May the Lord continue to enlighten our hearts and minds.

Enjoy your day.

FOR THE VIRTUOUS WOMAN'S FAMILY, FRIENDS AND BUSINESS PARTNERS

#‎VirtuousWomanSeries‬
 "Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."
HER HUSBAND
I'm reading about so many terrible things that some men (and their relatives) think is okay to do to their wives and girlfriends/fiancees. I know there are women that do terrible things and some have just been addressed in the series (You can catch up on the entire series on the blog). I'll like to state categorically that marriage or courtship does NOT justify abuse. No one deserves to be treated as less than human.
No human being deserves to be raped, enslaved or made to live in fear in their own homes. The vows exchanged do not confer on you the right to cheat on her and infect her with STIs/STDs; they do not allow you transfer your aggression on her. It is NOT okay to hit your wife sir. Inspite of what you were told, it is NOT okay to disrespect her. It is NOT okay to listen to the false prophet telling you to divorce her because she/her spirit husband are after your life. If you have REAL evidence that your wife is TRULY after your life (not the twisted dreams that many false prophets out there are spreading about these days), please let God lead you on how your relationship with her should be. However way, don't neglect your children because of that; you are still expected to show fatherly affection to your children and to provide for them.
She is to be honored sir; that's what the same Bible that asked her to submit to your authority asked you to do. Selah.
HER CHILDREN
I agree that there are mothers that can 'worry'. Sometimes, we just want to escape and avoid their 'nagging'. Still people, you need to care for and not abandon your mother. Of course, you need to establish boundaries; she shouldn't be a stumbling block in your marriage. All the same, honor her for all that her hands have done.
It is NOT okay to listen to the false prophet telling you that she/her spirit husband are after your life. The false prophets want to make you their cash cow.
In case your mother's hands have TRULY done evil, please show mercy and let God lead you on how your relationship with her should be. However, don't neglect your duty to her. Selah
HER (EXTENDED) FAMILY MEMBERS
The woman is NOT a beast of burden whose duty is to attend to your every wishes. It is NOT okay to dump all the chores on her. It is NOT okay to disrespect her. It is NOT okay to go to your brother's house and disrespect his wife. YOU are in error if you do that. It is NOT okay for you to expect her/her husband to neglect their family and focus on YOUR needs. YOU need to get productive and take care of YOU. YOU need to live within your means. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. Selah.
HER FRIENDS
Friendship is a beautiful thing when done right. If you have a virtuous woman is your friend, happy are you. Be considerate of her time; you can see for yourself all that she has to juggle. You should also be engaged really but assuming you're not yet that engaged, don't feel like your friend is 'forming busy'. She is ACTUALLY busy. Obviously, she shouldn't be too busy to catch up once in a while. When she does spend time catching up, please refrain from complaining about how little time she spends with YOU! It is just wrong on so many levels; I don't have enough space to elucidate. It shows you're selfish and really, that guarantees that she'll spend even less time with you going forward. If you're always complaining about how your friends have abandoned you, I think it's time to check yourself really. I know there are exceptions but generally, it's either you have terrible friends or you're not the most charming person to be around.
If you have a virtuous woman as a friend, honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. Selah
HER EMPLOYERS/CLIENTS/BUSINESS PARTNERS
If you are doing business with a virtuous woman, blessed are you. You have found a jewel of inestimable value. She brings good and not evil. You shouldn't take advantage of that because anyone that tries that is poking the apple of God's eyes. If she works for you, treat her right. If she is your business partner, don't try to cheat her.
Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. Selah
HER EMPLOYEES/SUBORDINATES
If you work for a virtuous woman, blessed are you. She brings good and not evil. You shouldn't take advantage of that because anyone that tries that is poking the apple of God's eyes. Don't disrespect or try to cheat her; there is a God in heaven whom she serves. ‪#‎BeGuided‬
Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. Selah
I'm sure I've missed some other categories but I believe the point has been made. Treat the virtuous woman right and praise her.
Hephzibah Oyinda honors all the virtuous women out there and praises them. May the works of your hands bring you praise in places where decisions are taken.
Enjoy your day.
PS: This concludes the ‪#‎VirtuousWoman‬ series. You can read the series on the blog. I'll be moving on to the Titus 2 series.

A WOMAN THAT FEARS THE LORD

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."
Proverbs 31: 30

Yes, there are charming and beautiful women. Some fear the Lord and some don't. If all there is to you as a woman is your charm and beauty, with all due respect, that isn't anything worthy of praise. It is the woman that fears the Lord that deserves praise. 

The woman that fears the Lord does not repay evil with evil. She does not seek to control and manipulate others. She does not twist scriptures to fit her desires. She does not use false submission as a tool of manipulation. I'll repeat that Queen Jezebel was a very married manipulative witch. So, the fact that your husband hasn't walked away doesn't mean you fear the Lord. 

The woman that fears the Lord treats others with respect and gives honour to whom it is due. She is loving and giving but definitely not a doormat. She submits to every God-given authority, including her husband's authority. She submits to her husband's authority. She does not usurp his authority, like Queen Jezebel did. I've written about submission in previous posts. Please search on the blog for my "Submission" related posts. 

The woman that fears the Lord does not disrespect her in-laws and neighbours, just because she can. She also has enough wisdom to know when to get involved in other people's business and when to stay away. She's wise enough to ask God before taking any step/decision. If your in-laws are giving you wahala, take it to the Lord in prayer and let your husband know RESPECTFULLY that his people are crossing boundaries. May God continue to guide our steps. 

The woman that fears the Lord raises her kids to fear the Lord. She doesn't encourage her kids to disrespect their elders in the guise of encouraging them to be expressive. She models godly behaviour. She teaches them to take personal responsibility, repent, apologize and make amends, where possible, when they make mistakes. Some of the proudest and most insolent people I ever met are actually women. I've met my fair share of fantastic women too, just FYI...

The woman that fears the Lord treats her workers right. She doesn't transfer aggression to them. Madam, if you're having marital challenges, please address them squarely and don't take it out on your workers. Be kind to those that works for you, even if they are acting in the most unloving manner. Part of being kind is also firing them to greater heights, if required. Just remain kind. 

Enjoy your day.

HER CHILDREN AND HUSBAND CALL HER BLESSED

"Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her...but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised"
Proverbs 31:28, 30b

My desire is to raise kids that will arise and call me blessed. I also desire my husband's praise. I believe many, if not all, women yearn for this too. That's the reason for the hustle most of the time.

Of course, there are self-centred women who care primarily about themselves. However, I believe these women are in the minority. Most of the women I know are busy caring for so many people. Unfortunately, not everyone appreciates our 'labor of love'. Sometimes, it's because they are just ungrateful people. Many times, though, it's because we're doing our own thing and not what God sent us. Yes, you spent all your life savings 'helping' that man set up his business yet he still cheated. Can I ask if it was God that sent you that empty your savings? I know that sounds harsh but I can't find a softer way to deliver that. Obviously, the man needs Jesus but you also need to understand that spending your life savings on an unfaithful man won't cure him of infidelity; he truly needs Jesus to change him.

Maybe you've poured all your love on the kids and now they've grown up and 'abandoned' you. This part is the delicate one. You shouldn't have your identity wound around your family. Doing so makes you come across as a needy/controlling person. Your identity should be hid in Christ, though it doesn't mean you'll neglect your kids. It is the woman that fears the Lord that will be praised, not the one attends to all the whims and caprices of her husband and/or children. I know this is tough but I can't soften it. Woman, you need to let God be at your centre. Sapphira let Ananias be her centre and we know how that ended for her.

I pray that the Lord will open your eyes to see the improvements required.

Enjoy your day.

THE GODLY WOMAN IS NOT CARELESS

"She watches over the affairs of her household..."...
(Proverbs 31: 27a, NIV)

Some women are amazing. They know all that is going on in the lives of celebrities, their colleagues, friends, neighbours etc yet they are "blissfully" ignorant of what is TRULY going on in their household (including the spiritually angle). They know who is sleeping with who in the office but they don't realise that their self-centredness is destroying their marriage.

I was watching "The Best Man Holiday" yesterday and one scene clung to my mind. The man was trying to talk to his pregnant wife about the challenges he was facing at work as he rubbed her feet. As he asked her if he should take the step that was causing him sleepless nights, he realised she had slept off. Eventually, he took a wrong turn that nearly ruined his friendships.

I guess you're wondering if I expected the pregnant wife not to answer nature's call. My answer is "no". I actually expected her to ask him when she woke up what it was he wanted to talk about. Eventually, he went to his ex-girlfriend for advice and she gave him wrong advice. That doesn't take away the man's responsibility for taking wrong decisions but we can see the part the women played in getting him there.

The wife in this story was so focused on her needs and desires and the man practically had no say in decisions that concerned HIS child because it's HER body. Dear sister, please be careful not to ruin your relationships (and marriage?) with the "It's my body/life" mentality. Keep watch over the affairs of your husband, kids, wards, maids. You are just as responsible as the head of the home for how your household fares.

Don't get too focused on what's happening in your life that you don't check in with the rest of your household. Of course, this is not a license for you to keep poking your nose in everyone's business and blurring boundaries. As always, if you ask the Holy Spirit, He will tell you all you need to know AND DO about your household without crossing boundaries.

Enjoy your day.

FAITHFUL INSTRUCTION IS ON HER TONGUE

"...faithful instruction is on her tongue."

 (Proverbs 31: 26b, NIV)
 

Some women can lead anyone that listens to them STRAIGHT TO HELL. So can some men but we're focusing on women here. Every counsel that they give involves deceiving someone or obtaining by false pretence.

I was listening to an advert on radio the other day and I wanted to wail. It was an advert for an insurance company. Apparently, the lady's husband bought a car and asked her not to drive it. (Please don't ask me why but I think the man knew his wife well enough to anticipate what eventually happened). She waited for him to travel on an official assignment then she flouted his instruction. She managed to bash the car then she called the insurance company that helped her pay to fix the car and her husband met his car parked the way he left it. I guess somehow, they'll have to keep details of the insurance claims too from the man, right?

I know that was an advert but it describes the prevalent mindset these days. The general rule appears to be that it's okay to break the law/rule/vow for as long as you don't get caught. So, what some teach their kids/friends/mentees etc are now how to "beat the system and not get caught"

The godly woman distinguishes herself by keeping FAITHFUL INSTRUCTION on her tongue, in spite of the corruption and decadence around her. Of course, her instructions are not always popular but happy are those that follow such faithful instructions.

Enjoy your day.

Love and Submission

Dear Husband,
If you only love and cherish your wife (and children) when they do as you wish, you're not loving (your wife) as Christ loved. While we were yet sinners, Christ loved us and died for us. He didn't require us to obey before paying the price...

Dear Wife,
I know it's easier to submit to a loving husband. However, the greatest evidence of submission is when you have to lay down your will and are led like a lamb to the slaughter. Remember when Isaac followed Abraham to the mountain though Abraham did not show him the animal to be used for the sacrifice? Remember Jesus Christ at the Garden of Gethsemane - Not my will but Thine be done?
Your submission to your husband is IN THE LORD. If he is asking you to sin, you should obey THE LORD and go to God to seek for wisdom on how to deal with the issue on ground. If he isn't asking you to sin, you should let his decision prevail even if you really really really think otherwise. You should leave it in God's hands and take whatever steps the Lord asks you to. Eventually, it will end in praise...

PS: Nothing in this post justifies any form of abuse. If you're dealing with domestic violence/abuse, seek godly and professional help.

Dear Employee

Dear Employee,

It is NOT okay for you to act as the Lord of the manor - dodging work with silly excuses, "punishing" your client/supervisor with refusing to do your work etc yet expecting no negative consequences because you're from the "educationally disadvantaged" regions or because you're filling the space reserved by the organization to demonstrate gender equality or inclusiveness etc...

All of these initiatives should be giving people who want to work, but are encumbered... with obstacles, equal opportunities. The reality is that it's the lazy smart alecs, who know how to play the system, that benefit more from this Federal Character thing...

We shouldn't have to sacrifice competency and the drive to work in order to be all things to all people...Sigh!

‪#‎Backtowork

It's a Super Story

I just watched a little bit of Super Story and I had to leave the area before bursting a nerve.

 As I've already posted, the lady was caught cheating by her husband's friend and she eventually slept with him in order to get him to keep quiet. By the time she got back home, it turns out the husband already knew. We had all concluded that it was the friend that told the husband. Of course, unlike the common advice to wives of cheating men to "stay and keep praying", Mr. Husband is already talking about filing for divorce (he didn't need to seek counsel to make his decision...). 

 Anyway, we've now learnt that it was the lady's mum that belled the cat. Mr. Husband snitched on his informant (remind me NEVER to tell this guy any secret, lol).

 So, the lady storms to her mother's house and blames her for wrecking her marriage. And there I was thinking it was HER adultery that wrecked her marriage - there it is again! A refusal to take personal responsibility. She then goes on and on, emotionally blackmailing her mum and that one too was apologizing! Then she said she'll NEVER return to her mum's place again.

I got so upset and was screaming at someone that can't hear me. Smh! My daughter thought I was yelling at her so I had to apologize to my darling...I've since removed myself from the TV area...

Sigh!

SHE SPEAKS WITH WISDOM

"She speaks with wisdom..."
(Proverbs 31: 26a, NIV)
I'll focus today on the first part of the scripture. If the ‪#‎VirtuousWoman‬ speaks with wisdom, that means she HAS wisdom. I did a search on the word "wisdom" and I'll love to share my findings.
- According to Deuteronomy 4:6, observing God's instructions CAREFULLY shows your wisdom.
- If you need wisdom (and everyone does), James 1:5 tells you to ASK God and you'll get it...
- The spirit of wisdom filled Joshua because Moses laid hands on him. Hmmm. I need to chew more on that one.
- There are so many wisdom lessons in the book of Job, particularly Job 28. I found Job 32:7 quite instructive...Old age does NOT necessarily give one wisdom.
- If you need PRACTICAL wisdom, a good book to start with is the book of Proverbs. I'll be sharing important verses on my Facebook wall but if you can't wait to grab them all, you can dig into the book of Proverbs yourself lol.
- One of my best scriptures EVER is Ecclesiastes 7:12. It is about Wisdom - "Wisdom is a shelter as money is a shelter, but the advantage of knowledge is this: Wisdom preserves those who have it." Woman, if you lack the wisdom that comes from the Lord, you will lose MANY things to the crafty. If you don't take time to prayerfully analyze situations, you'll keep giving wrong reactions that will make you appear unstable.
- "As dead flies give perfume a bad smell, so a little folly outweighs wisdom and honor." Says Ecclesiastes 10:1. You can't afford to let a little folly give your wisdom "perfume" a bad smell. So, take out time to pray before judging a matter.
- According to Isaiah 11:12, one of the attributes of the Spirit of the Lord is that He is a Spirit of wisdom and understanding. Why don't you ask Him how to go about that challenging situation you're grappling with before you speak?
- Ezekiel 28 tells the story of a wisdom that became corrupted because of pride. Some women are wise but they use their wisdom to mislead their household. Faithful instruction is NOT found on their lips. They are NOT virtuous women. If you're one of such women, it's time to repent and to use your God-given wisdom appropriately...You can send me a message if you'll like to return to the Lord. He'll bring beauty out of your mess.
- In Daniel 2, the king had ordered that all the wise men be killed as they could not interpret his dream. Daniel had the answer that would save them all YET he was tactful when he approached the captain of the king's guard (verse 14). Some women may have the solution to their husband/household/organization/country's problems but they don't present their case tactfully and when their input is rejected, we begin to hear how they were shunned "because they are women". Indeed, sometimes women are not allowed to speak (and that's just plain wrong) but sometimes, it's the absence of tact that is the problem.
- 1 Corinthians 1:20 talks about the "wisdom of this world". That's what the crafty use. However, God makes the wisdom of this world foolish. The Virtuous Woman does not operate with the wisdom of this world but with God's wisdom. Be careful with which wisdom is guiding your thoughts, words and actions...1 Corinthians 1:25 tells us that the "foolishness" of God is wiser than human wisdom...
I need to round up now but I'll like to encourage you, my sisters, to spend more time studying God's word as you seek for solutions. I'm not saying you can't seek counsel from others (for in a multitude of counsel, there is safety) but let God be the final authority in your life.
Enjoy your day.

HER HUSBAND IS RESPECTED AT THE CITY GATE

"Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land."...
(Proverbs 31: 23, AMP)

Why is the virtuous woman's husband respected at the city gate? Is it because of his wife's conduct or is it because of HIS conduct?

I'll love to hear from you on this but I'll go ahead and give my perspective on this. I believe it's a combination of both but more of the responsibility lies on the husband. The man that will be respected at the city gate has to first and foremost respect himself then the conduct of his wife will be looked at while confirming if he truly deserves to seat with elders.

The way I see it, a poorly behaved man will NOT be considered worthy to sit among the elders of the city in a reasonable society, no matter how well behaved the wife is.

A well-behaved man may be nominated but disqualified due to his wife's misbehavior. A well-behaved man with a well-behaved, virtuous wife will take his seat, among the elders of the land at the city gate.

I'll love us to rub minds on this point. I trust the day is going well.

HER CLOTHING IS OF LINEN AND PURPLE

"She makes for herself coverlets, cushions, and rugs of tapestry. Her clothing is of linen, pure and fine, and of purple [such as that of which the clothing of the priests and the hallowed cloths of the temple were made]....
(Proverbs 31: 22, AMP)

The godly woman is NOT drab. She doesn't go about in dowdy clothes. I'm not sure where the untruth started about virtuous women putting on dowdy clothes.

Of course, one should be modest. However, there is no basis for going about in ugly apparel. The godly woman is ROYALTY and she dresses the part. That's also why she doesn't go around in rags.
She even uses choice beddings. Definitely, she doesn't have to break a bank to look good. She just needs to put an effort to look decent!

Enjoy your day.

SHE IS COMPASSIONATE AND GENEROUS

"She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy."
Proverbs 31: 20

The godly woman reaches out to those who are poor. She extends her hands to the NEEDY.
The Amplified Verson reads "She opens her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her filled hands to the needy [whether in body, mind, or spirit]." Poverty and neediness can be financial, mental, emotional or spiritual.
The solution to financial poverty is financial empowerment. Giving people money is rarely the solution to financial poverty; you're most likely to encourage them to feel entitled. If you give someone a piece of fish, he/she is most likely to come back to you for more fish. If you teach them to fish, they're more likely to stand alone and make something meaningful of their lives. Many of us have "helped" others become "economic liabilities". It's time for us to review the way we "help" the poor and needy.
If you're trying to get the poor/needy financially empowered and you're experiencing resistance from them, realize that the issue is not physical poverty; they may be dealing with mental poverty. Some may have spiritual reasons for remaining poor inspite of their best efforts. Insisting on financial empowerment at that time is not wise. The solution to mental poverty is a renewal of the mind. Before people dealing with mental poverty can experience a "breakthrough" that will eventually result in financial empowerment, they need to be delivered from the mindset that has kept them poor. They need to be taught that it's OKAY to be rich; it doesn't necessarily mean you're going to hell. They need to be taught that it's okay to have modern amenities without becoming heretics. The godly woman reaches out to the mentally poor/needy by teaching them to be who God has made them to be. She doesn't regurgitate the baseless fables and myths that have kept the mentally poor bound; she is a minister of the Gospel.
The emotionally poor/needy are insecure; they depend on other human beings MORE than they depend on God. If not properly managed, relating with them can be taxing and emotionally draining. The solution to emotional poverty/neediness is to help such persons become "emotionally empowered". If you continually give in to all their emotional demands, you are encouraging them to remain as they are and that's not helpful. The most helpful way to deal with insecure people is to help them get help. They need to get to the root of THEIR insecurities and face their fears. These people are likely to be verbal/emotional abusers. They are also likely to become victims of verbal/emotional abuse. The first step in helping them is to help them understand that God loves them and is ENOUGH for them. As they become more secure in God's love, they become less dependent on emotional support from others. Some will need to be treated for depression etc so please don't leave the matter at just leading them to Christ. Let God lead you on the next steps.
For the spiritually poor/needy, the solution is the Gospel. The godly woman is an ambassador for Christ. She is not ashamed to proclaim the Gospel of Jesus Christ to the poor; she realises that it is the power of God unto salvation.
Of course, you can't shut your bowels of mercy. Let's hear from Apostle James on this one:
"If a brother or sister is poorly clad and lacks food for each day, and one of you says to him, Good-bye! Keep [yourself] warm and well fed, without giving him the necessities for the body, what good does that do? "
James 2:15-16
If someone is dying of hunger, that's not the time to register him/her for a skills acquisition programme. He/she needs to be alive first for them to attend the program. Meet the immediate need but devise a means so that they are not perpetually dependent on YOU for help...
Enjoy your day.

HER LAMP DOES NOT GO OUT AT NIGHT

"She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night."
Proverbs 31: 18

We've already established that the godly wife has business acumen. Expectedly, her business is profitable it is a mix of God's favour and good ol' business acumen that come together to deliver a profitable business.
There is the God-factor and the human factor in success/profitability. Taking any of the factors out will result in zero or little profitability.

The godly woman is practical. She knows that
1) Night will come.
2) Daylight will not be available at night.
3) A lamp will be required at night.
4) The lamp requires oil and other items to function.
5) She needs to stock up on the required items during the day.

She doesn't prepare for the night at night. It's too late then. Some have this "When we get to that river, we'll cross it" mentality. I don't believe that is wise. Neither is the thinking that you must have the details of every venture worked out before you start. This is about taking care of YOUR end of the deal and leaving the God part to Him to fix. Developing a PERSONAL relationship with the Holy Spirit is a pre-requisite to finding the right balance (Un)fortunately, I can't give you a 10-step (or 50-step) guide to striking this balance; you need to buy your oil yourself, lol.

The concept of day and night applies physically as well as spiritually. No matter how many times you fast, pray, sow seeds etc, you will experience "night" at some points in your love. You need to stock up on the Word and your communion with the Holy Spirit so that you will not buckle in the day(s) of adversity. The waves and storms came to both the house built on the rock and the house built on sand. It was the foundation that determined which house was still standing and which one toppled. Dig deeper into the Word today and reinforce your foundation.

Enjoy your day.

SHE IS A WOMAN OF STRENGTH

 "She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks."
Proverbs 31: 17

The virtuous woman is determined about completing her God-given work/tasks. She is not a weakling that buckles at the appearance of an obstacle.
She is tenacious. Many women have faced adversity and have given up. They've allowed adversity win! If you faint in the day of adversity, then YOUR strength is small...You have been made more than a conqueror; you have been DESIGNED to overcome any obstacle that the enemy of your soul throws at you. What you need is a solid connection with the Lord. He'll tell you what to do at each step IF you let Him lead you.
Woman, I'm saying this with all the love in my heart, you have to stay strong...You need to set about your work vigorously inspite of the challenges...You need to strengthen your arms for your God-given tasks. As sad as whatever you're dealing with is, it's not enough to abandon your God-given assignments for.
I'll round this up with Tramaine Hawkins' song "The Potter's House"

In case you have fallen by the wayside of life;
Dreams and visions shattered, you're all broken inside.
You don't have to stay in the shape that you're in;
The Potter wants to put you back together again,
Oh, the Potter wants to put you back together again.
In case your situation has turned upside down,
And all that you've accomplished, is now on the ground.
You don't have to stay in the shape that you're in;
The Potter wants to put you back together again,
Oh, the Potter wants to put you back together again.

Chorus:
You who are broken, stop by the Potter's house.
You who need mending, stop by the Potter's house;
Give Him the fragments of your broken life,
My friend, the Potter wants to put you back together again,
Oh, the Potter wants to put you back together again

Enjoy your day.

THE GODLY WIFE HAS BUSINESS ACUMEN

#VirtuousWomanSeries

"She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard."
Proverbs  31:16

The godly wife we're talking about has enough business acumen to EVALUATE a field (business prospect) and form an independent opinion of the viability of that investment. A wise investor knows that evaluations are not done in isolation, so obviously she needs to consult others, including her husband. However, she doesn't behave like an infant who needs 'daddy' to tell her which prospects to engage in. I struggle with the cases where a woman says her husband didn't allow her work. In my opinion, if you meet a career/business single woman, don't try to domesticate her using "submission" as a weapon. If she, after reviewing the prevailing situation, chooses to be a stay-at-home wife/mother, good...Even in such instances, it's wise for her to engage in some form of business...

The godly wife has money to buy a field...We are not told that she collected money from her husband to buy the field (not that he didn't have his own money either)....The verse emphasizes that it is with the fruit of her hands that she plants a vineyard. It is not the fruit of another person's hands...she is not waiting for another human being to be her human ATM....She is productive...

I was speaking with one of my in-laws and she told me that while growing up, her ambition was to get married and let her husband take care of her...Events that I can't share here cured her of that mindset...


I spoke with a widow today after a long time of not hearing from her. Her husband was a good man, loving husband/father and great provider. However, she wasn't financially independent. His death was sudden and shocking, I don't believe I have fully recovered either. In a day, she went from pampered wife to nearly homeless widow. Thank God for His grace and mercy; He still came through. I hope at least one person learns from her experience...

A woman that becomes unbearable when she has money, most often than not, was unbearable without money. The problem is her mindset, not the money...Focusing on the money will not solve the problem, she'll find other ways to manifest what is in her...

Enjoy your day.

THE GODLY WIFE HAS MAIDENS

"She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens."
Proverbs  31:15

Actually there are 4 thoughts I wish to address in this post. They are
1. The godly wife rises early.
2. The godly wife provides food for her household.
3. The godly wife has 'maidens'.
4. The godly wife treats her 'maidens' right.

Frankly, I think every godly person should rise early to get a good start daily. Jesus rose up early to pray and to hear God. I know you can hear God at any time of the day but there's this special thing about spending time early in the morning with God.

Also, if you rise early, you gain time to knock off some big ticket items off your 'to-do' list. I am a recovering sleep addict, by the way, so I know a lot about the recommended minimum number of hours that men and women should sleep for optimal performance while awake. I even know that when you're one hour short of the recommended minimum, you begin to act like one under the influence of alcohol. Still, a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, then....#BeGuided.

I don't know if the godly wife was the one that provided the money with which the household's food was bought or not; all I know is that she provided the food. There are 3 possible scenarios - 1) she used her money to buy the food 2) her husband gave her money to buy the food or 3) she and her husband contributed money and she bought the food. As noted yesterday, she should be watching what her household is eating for many reasons.

It is not wise to allow your household eat anyhow, anywhere. Watch what they're eating. If your husband chooses to eat anywhere, anyhow despite your best efforts, spend time to pray that his eyes of understanding is opened and he realises his error quickly....

The godly wife has 'maidens', i.e. others that help her around the house (and possibly in her business). I'm not sure where the idea that the "Proverbs 31" woman multi-tasks and does so much without help came from; definitely not from Proverbs 31. Most, if not all, of the women of the Bible had help. Many of our mothers/grandmothers that we're constantly compared to also had help and many of those that did not have help didn't work outside the home OR did less taxing jobs. I believe a woman should know her limits and get help when needed.

The godly woman treats her 'maidens' right. She gives them portions. She doesn't maltreat them. The witchcraft in the hearts of some 'virtuous' women is revealed by the way they treat their help. One says that if she didn't bring the 11 year old (obviously underage) help to live with her, the girl would have died of hunger. That was her excuse for beating the girl to a pulp for accepting the meal given to her by a kind, concerned neighbour. I'm sure you realise that is just plain evil...May God help us all...If you're in the habit of maltreating your (domestic) staff, it's time to repent...

Enjoy your day.

SHE IS LIKE THE MERCHANT SHIPS

01/09/2015

#VirtuousWomanSeries

"She is LIKE the merchant ships loaded with foodstuffs; she brings her household's food from a far [country]"

Proverbs 31:14

 

Happy new month.

As I pondered over this verse, I was so focused on the foodstuffs and household's food that the initial title also reflected the title. However, it didn't quite add up. For instance, why would the #VirtuousWoman import her household's food? Why can't she grow them herself considering the fact that she's "cat woman", "wonder woman" etc all rolled in one? Does it not even mean that she doesn't cook at home but brings food already prepared in "a far country" for her household to eat?

Like I said, there were more questions than answers. I checked about 7 translations and they all read the same...Hmmmm

 

Finally, I noticed the word "LIKE" in the first part of the verse. She is LIKE the merchant ships loaded with foodstuff! That means she has attributes that are similar to merchant ships loaded with foodstuff! So, what is so special about merchant ships loaded with foodstuff? I did some research and I'll share some interesting facts with you.

 

Merchant ships that transport foodstuff are called BULK CARRIERS. They are usually large ships which are SPECIALLY DESIGNED for the type of cargo (bulk cargo) they transport. Bulk cargo are obviously heavy. Some can be abrasive or corrosive. Also, the bulk carrier has to be designed to withstand sea conditions. Some bulk carriers have sunk because they got corroded by the materials they carried. This has led to more stringent design requirements for bulk carriers.

 

In a similar fashion, the #VirtuousWoman is SPECIALLY DESIGNED for her assignment. Sometimes, she may have to deal with challenging situations but how she responds to these external stimuli will determine if she remains in business or if she sinks.

 

Some of the things that you received in "good condition" may sink your ship if you haven't allowed the word of the Lord form you properly. For some, it is the ministry they've received from the Lord that may cause their ship to sink. They've become so focused on getting "results" that they've neglected their fellowship. For others, it is the marriage that the Lord gave them that will eventually cause their ship to sink. It has become their idol. For another set, it is their children/jobs/businesses/pride that sink their ships. Anything that takes the place of God in your life is an idol and if it isn't properly addressed, it will sink your ship.

 

For a special set, it is the challenges they face that eventually sinks their ship. They've made their abode and tabernacle by "the rivers of Babylon". There they weep and remember the "golden days" when they COMPLAINED in Zion. They allow the challenges guide their choices whereas they have been specially designed factoring these challenges.

 

When the merchant ship arrives with its goods intact, the receiving merchant rejoices, the authorities rejoice (because of their taxes), the merchant that sent the goods rejoices because he/she is about to get paid. The people who'll buy the goods from the merchant ship rejoice because they can get their favourite goods. When the #VirtuousWoman arrives with her goods intact - wen she has come through the storm,everyone around her rejoices. She has something of extreme value to give to everyone...

 

I can't conclude this post without talking about food, cooking and sundry kitchen matters. Even if the verse may not be focused on food, the fact that "foodstuff" and "household's food" are in it justify talking about what the household eats. It's not practical, in my opinion, to ALWAYS bring the household's food from "a far country" (including the nearby restaurant that has an oriental chef, lol). However, it won't hurt to do that once in a while. I am uncomfortable with the idea of spending all day cooking and cleaning, expending ALL your energy on those. I think you should manage your tasks and reserve some energy for your husband at night (whether you both go to Jerusalem or not).

 

I also think that even if you're bringing your household's food from "a far country", you should ensure that it is healthy and nutritious. The fact that your husband/children will anything (including burnt/rotten food) doesn't mean you should feed them anything. Please ensure that your household's food is healthy, nutritious and tasty.

 

I have a question for some men and the women that enable them. How did you come to the conclusion that men shouldn't learn how to cook? (I know there are fantastic male cooks, they are not the ones I'm talking about here). Which rule book says a man cannot cook for his family? I read one RIDICULOUS story of a man whose wife was supposedly neglecting him because she had a job while he did not. There was a bit about the woman asking her friend (who was having marital challenges) to help her cook for her husband while she was away on a business trip (the wife is also a LEARNER but that's not my point for now). Apparently, that's how the cookie crumbled. The simple question I asked, which even Google hasn't been able to help me with, is this - "Why couldn't the man, who was portrayed as the longsuffering man, unable to cook for himself and his kids for the period that his wife was away on a legitimate business trip? Till today, the answer to that question is still blowin' in the wind...

 

Enjoy your day.