WHOSE ARE YOU?

I sent someone a friend request and one of the questions posed was - Who are you? I told him to find out by accepting my request.

I think it is a fair question because there are creeps out there. I am not offended by the question AT ALL. To answer the question, I am Hephzibah Oyinda, daughter of the Most High God, a woman of peace...

In my opinion, the more pertinent question really is - WHOSE ARE YOU?

"For there stood by me this night the angel of God, whose I am, and whom I serve," Acts 27:23

"For God is my witness, whom I serve with my spirit in the gospel of his Son..." Romans 1:9a

Whose are you? Who do you serve?

I remember during my service year, I had serious issues with my employers. I may be a woman of peace but I don't back down from a war, if necessary.

The situation required for me to wage war so I braced up. The Extraordinary Strategist did not let me down. He would reveal to me the strategies that had been employed against me and I will walk through the minefield unscathed. One of the observers had to ask me how I knew the schemes against me and I was happy to tell him that the Holy Spirit reveals things to me. I am happy to say that I won that battle. I have gone on to win more battles. My Extraordinary Strategist has not failed me and from what I've experienced and heard, His failure rate is 0%.
At some point, I was battle-weary. I went to church that evening and I just wept. Then the Holy Spirit led me to Psalm 27:13.

"I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living." Psalm 27:13

The Extraordinary Strategist (The Holy Spirit) is still available to anyone who will fellowship with Him. So I ask you, WHOSE ARE YOU?

When Your Husband Won't Make Love To You

Good day. I'm sure the title of this post will shock some. People are more used to the reverse case.

We are told that men need sex as much as food; give it to him so that he doesn't look outside etc.

Then, you find yourself married to a man like Ahasuerus (Esther's husband) that can go for a month without having sexual relations with his wife. You've primed yourself as a wife to satisfy all your husband's sexual needs. There turns out to be a glitch in your plans - hubby has NO sexual needs (at least to your knowledge). All the sexy lingerie is wasted, everything you've read and imagined will have to remain in your head as you cannot look for a lover as a Christian woman. Is that how life ends for you? After you probably saved yourself for marriage?
And there you asking - Is there something wrong with me? Am I not attractive? Does he not love me?

Before we go to solutions, let's check out potential causes.
1. There may be physical/medical reasons for the low sex drive.
2. He may be dealing with stress/emotional problems.
3. A lack of friendship may be at the root of the matter.
4. He may be involved in pornography.

Solutions.
I am a firm believer in taking every detail of our lives to the Lord in prayer. I don't think this is an exception. In addition to prayers, I have a few recommendations.

1. If he is willing to go, get him to see a doctor. That should rule out medical/physical reasons. If there are truly medical/physical reasons, the doctor should be able to guide you on how to proceed.

2. If he is dealing with emotional/stress problems, possibly including money problems, you should prayerfully encourage him. Let him know you appreciate and look up to him. Encourage him to take his worries to the Lord in prayer. Pray with and for him. However, DON'T baby him.
You need to be careful not to take over his role as the provider if you happen to have more money than he does. You also probably don't want to leave him all alone. I think I'll do a separate post on "When she earns more than he does".
Do all you can to ensure you don't belittle him in public. You also don't want to be walking on eggshells around him.
Women tend to take over EVERYTHING when the man seems not to be in control. Sister, STOP! You are emasculating that man! Stop smothering or is it 'mothering' you call it?
The best you can do for your man at this point is to pray FOR and WITH him. Give him room to air his feelings and opinions. Show him RESPECT! Hand over ALL your paycheck to him AT YOUR OWN RISK, lol.

3. If a lack of friendship is the issue, you can buy all the sexy lingerie you want, it still won't happen. You'll need a little more patience, sweetheart. You need to work more on your friendship. Watch his favourite movie with him; do things he enjoys. Let him fall in love again with his playful wife. I genuinely believe this is a time when you have to rely on your godly girlfriends for some support in meeting YOUR emotional needs. You'll want to strike a balance, though. You still need to spend time with him doing what he enjoys (that is godly, please).
As you work on your friendship, if he has some bitterness or hurt against you, it will flow out. Love melts bitterness and hurts. When he is melting, he may say and possibly do hurtful things. Without compromising your personal safety, your response should be more love. You can find a safe way to release your hurts without lashing out. You really need the Holy Spirit's help to go through this phase. The truth is that though weeping may endure for a night, joy will come in the morning. You are strengthened from within, in Jesus' Name. Amen.

4. If he is involved in pornography, you need to get help. Find a godly counselor that can help you both.

May the Lord bless and keep our homes.

I'll appreciate your views/experiences concerning this issue.

The Help From The Lord

Good day people. How are you doing? My week has been FANTASTIC! The Lord proved Himself as my Helper, Provider, Standby, Protector, Healer, Health, Strengthener and much more. I guess you realise that there had to be challenges for me to realise that He is all these and more to me, right?

As usual, those that I thought I could count on showed their humanness. There is the natural tendency to harbour bitterness against these loved ones. I really wish I could claim that I quickly said "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do". Well, I did not. Instead, I let them know how hurt I felt. You can guess how helpful that has been, lol.

As I lay on my bed reporting them all to God, I gently heard the Holy Spirit pointing out to me how God used others to help; people that I would not have expected anything from. He also pointed out to me how the situations brought about improvements in some other relationships. He whispered to me how my faith and confidence in the Lord have grown through these experiences. He reminded me not to put my trust in the arm of flesh because they will fail at one time or the other.

I decided to search for Biblical examples of how God helped those that called out to Him. I found out that most often than not, God's help usually comes through other people, though in some cases, He doesn't use a human medium. I'll share some of my findings and encourage you to search by yourself.

The people of Israel cried out to the Lord when they were afflicted in the land of Egypt. God sent them help in form of a prophet called Moses. I would have expected God to just strike down Pharaoh one day like that and maybe all the taskmasters would have been paralyzed, or something dramatic like that. Instead, God sent a stammering prophet to lead His people out. Also, in spite of the initial exodus from Egypt, the oppressor still came after the Israelites. We know that when God finished with Pharaoh and those that followed him to pursue Israel, Egypt no longer looked for Israelite "slaves" again. That victory was decisive; end of discussion! That is a whole sermon on its own.

Then I stumbled on Deut 15:7-9. I think it's worth sharing...
"When you happen on someone who’s in trouble or needs help among your people with whom you live in this land that God, your God, is giving you, don’t look the other way pretending you don’t see him. Don’t keep a tight grip on your purse. No. Look at him, open your purse, lend whatever and as much as he needs. Don’t count the cost. Don’t listen to that selfish voice saying, “It’s almost the seventh year, the year of All-Debts-Are-Canceled,” and turn aside and leave your needy neighbor in the lurch, refusing to help him. He’ll call God’s attention to you and your blatant sin."

Ouch! So, refusing to help when you can is a blatant sin? That's something to keep in mind when next someone comes asking for help...

You also need the Holy Spirit to guide you on who to help and how to go about it. The priest that helped David when he was fleeing from Saul paid for the 'help' with his life. David was trying to help his friend fight a battle, so he and his mighty men left their homes in Ziklag unattended to. The enemies took advantage of the absence of the men to ransack the city.

When asking for help from human beings, understand that if the Lord does not help you, no man can help you.

May the Lord send you help from the sanctuary. May the name of the God of Jacob defend you. Amen

Have a blessed and productive day.

Fulfil Your Marital Duty

Good day people. How are you doing? I trust that all is well.

I'll like to talk about a type of wickedness that I see that abounds in marriages. It is the wickedness of depriving your spouse of sexual satisfaction, knowing that as believers, they should not seek satisfaction elsewhere.

I met a lady who claims to hate sex yet she has 4 kids. She said she asked her husband to 'understand' with her that she just doesn't like sex; that she should remember all the other 'sacrifices' she makes for him...Seriously??? I don't know if the man has remained faithful; I know the woman has DETERMINED that there is nothing she can do to enjoy sex.

What annoys me is that this woman is a leader in her church; you can imagine the kind of counsel she will be dishing out...

 

Unfortunately, there are also men like her. Their wives are sexually frustrated and these men are not ready to do anything about it...It is wickedness...

 

There is a scripture that addresses this. If you are not married and you know you don't like sex, please remain unmarried and don't frustrate another person's life. If you're married and you don't like sex, please get godly counsel and help. You can't continue like this and ask your spouse to 'understand'. They are trapped in the marriage and that is probably the cause of your marital challenges...GET HELP! GET HELP! GET HELP! Thank you.

 

"Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

1 Corinthians 7:1-5

 

Marital Duty refers to lovemaking/sex

 

SHOWING APPRECIATION

Good day sister. How are you doing?

Recently, the Holy Spirit has been showing me things that ladies do that could easily make it harder for their husbands to love them as they ought to. This is not in anyway saying such husbands shouldn't love all the same, though.

Number one of course is unsubmissiveness. I understand what my friend was trying to say when he said "a man loves those UNDER him". Of course, the woman is not UNDER a man; she is a joint heir of salvation. However, we learn in 1 Peter 3: 3-4 that a wife's beauty should be of the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very valuable in God's eyes.
Verse 6 gives Sarah as an example of a submissive wife. I think God has a very big sense of humour. I wouldn't have used Sarah as an example of a submissive wife based on the account we were given in Genesis. However, she was cited as an example. That tells me that submission is more of the heart than what we do, though what we do reflects what's in our hearts.

Another thing, which is the focus of this post, is the lack of appreciation. I think a lot of wives are guilty of this in one way or the other. We get so fixated on what we want, how we want it and when we want it that we don't realize that our husbands are trying to do something.
For example, a man sacrifices a huge amount of his income to buy his wife a gift. She sees the gift, possibly gives him a half-hearted "Thank you" then goes on to tell him what her friend's husband gave her or even begins to find faults with what he bought.
In another case, the woman may have been complaining about how the man doesn't help around the house. One day, he tries to wash the plates but doesn't do it the way the woman wants. Instead of appreciating his gesture, she begins to lecture him on how she wants him to wash plates. In my opinion, the first time he washes the plate is not the time to lecture him. And frankly, if his way isn't unsafe, maybe you're the one that needs to learn new ways of washing plates, lol...

Don't be too fixated on your own ways or on things that aren't working well to notice your husband's efforts...

PS: I know some men need to show their wives' appreciation too. It's just that I've noticed this trait more in women. However, brothers, if you need to make adjustments, please feel free...

Abstinence is still an option

I stumbled on a conversation about ladies sleeping with men they are not married to and refusing to use condoms because they don't want to be viewed as "bad girls" and eventually getting pregnant. 

In my opinion, the real issue is sleeping with a man you're not married with. Contrary to popular opinion, you can abstain from pre-marital sex. The Bible is clear on God's position about fornication. It is a sin. 
Of course, there is room for repentance for those that have fallen into the sin. The Yoruba word used for repentance literally means 'to think about the issue and change your ways'. 
Abstinence is still the best prevention for sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. All other forms of prevention can fail. 
If a guy is pressuring you for sex, I think it's time to break up that relationship. He is not yet ready for the kind of commitment that marriage requires. If he can't wait now, you can be sure that he will be pressuring and threatening you while you're recovering after delivery. He still has self-control lessons to complete. 
If you're hoping to trap a man into marriage because you got pregnant, feel free to check with Leah how forcing a man whose heart is elsewhere to marry you works out (This is not an overt or covert endorsement of adultery/polygamy, please). You'll be a frustrated married woman...
If he says "No pregnancy, no marriage"; that's all you need to know that he doesn't have a clue what marriage means...Keep walking, girl. God will bring you a mature man who understands that the proper order is marriage then pregnancy!
Abstinence is an option and is very possible! It starts with your will and commitment. 


PS: Getting married as a virgin does not guarantee a trouble-free marriage; you'll still need to walk by faith and let God lead you every step of the way. 

Money Is Only An Amplifier

Good day people. How are you doing?

The feedback I got from some, particularly men, about the fact that the Proverbs 31 woman 1) had her own money AND 2) made a financial investment without apparently getting her husband's PERMISSION/CONSENT is quite revealing. 

Those who are uncomfortable with the idea appear to think that a financially empowered woman WILL 1) become unsubmissive 2) become a 'man'. 
As I pondered over these things, I realised that Jezebel did not have her own money or any authority of her own yet she successfully (with Ahab's passive support) destroyed Ahab's lineage. Someone even suggested that wives should use their 'vulnerability' to seduce their husbands. I'm not sure why the seduction is required; is it to seduce his money from him? The way I see it, any man expecting his wife to seduce/charm him to get things from him is already setting himself/his family up for a woman like Jezebel. 

A point that came up was that Proverbs 31:11 says that the heart of the virtuous woman's husband trusts in her. The next question, in my opinion, is why? Why does his heart trust in her? Is it only because she has proven to be trustworthy or is it because the man has chosen to trust in her? I believe everyone (male or female) should with God's help, act in ways that engender trust. I also believe that if you've chosen to marry someone, you should be able to give them the benefit of the doubt. Some men distrust their wives because of what they've heard about OTHER wives. I think it's stifling to take fear-based decisions. 

Money is an amplifier. In the hands of a good woman, money will aid the progress of your home, sir (You can read more about that in Proverbs 31: 10-31). An evil woman does not need to have her own money to ruin your household as we've learnt from Jezebel and her daughter/stepdaughter/sister-in-law Attaliah. Selah

THE VIRTUOUS WOMAN IS NOT A FINANCIAL PARASITE

"She looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she’s put aside, plants a garden. First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started. She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day."

Proverbs 31: 16

 

This scripture has been ringing in my head all day. Dear brother that wants to marry a virtuous woman that is fully and totally dependent on him; it ain't gonna happen. It's either you get a virtuous woman who cannot take what you're dishing and she eventually walks away OR you marry a woman that'll take what you're dishing but her 'virtuousness' is questionable.

Dear sister, there is a chink in your 'virtuous' armour if your future ambition is to marry a man that will cater for ALL your needs; it is not God's plan for your husband to supply ALL your needs. That's what your faith in God ought to produce for you, sis.

 

There is nothing wrong with getting support from your husband now and then but if you/your wife cannot consider a field and buy it with your/her own money, the virtuousness is questionable. Selah!

FEEDBACK FROM “QUESTIONS BOUNCING IN MY HEAD”

COMMENT:

Morning ma and thank you for this text.  God will give us all happy homes IJN. Marriage and the church as an entity have deeper meaning or different meaning to/from marriage and the church as separate entities. The covenant taken remains intact to God as long as the two parties involve are still alive even if there are issues in the family and the only condition that can make any of the two parties to enter another covenant with another person is the death of any of the parties and the only condition given to us by our Jesus Christ, which is also forgivable, is adultery. The issue of entering into another covenant is out of it because what will now be terms and conditions of this new covenant? It will not be biblical again. It shall be well with us all.

 

RESPONSE:

Amen. May the Lord give us happy homes. Thanks for your response.

Can you please clarify what you mean by “Marriage and the church as an entity has deeper meaning or different meaninig to/from marriage and the church as separate entities.” It is not clear to me.

I’ll appreciate it if you can point me to scriptures that support the claim that “The covenant taken remains intact to God as long as the two parties involve are still alive even if there are issues in the family”. I don’t mean to be adversarial so please pardon me if I seem to be; I’m only seeking clarification.

If we assume that the claim that the covenant taken remains intact to God AS LONG AS the two parties are STILL ALIVE, then the condition of adultery (which is one of the clear violations I listed out) cannot stand as the two parties still remain alive after the act(s) of adultery.

I agree that adultery is forgivable. The question here is not one of forgiveness but of a willingness to continue with the marriage after forgiving one’s spouse. I can forgive you for cheating me as a business partner but I am not under any obligation to continue to do business with you. The choice of continuing with the partnership is separate from forgiving the sin. A lot of people ASSUME that forgiving the adultery equals continuing with the marriage (usually without addressing root causes and the legitimate hurt of the cheated partner). Hence we have cases of spouses who have ‘forgiven’ but then go around to commit acts of violence such as castrating/poisoning/killing the cheating man etc or committing acts to sabotage such a cheating partner while remaining ‘married’ in the eyes of the world.

In my opinion, any marriage that has been challenged by adultery, domestic violence or abandonment has deep-seated issues and needs some form of counselling of both parties (with a lot of divine intervention) to continue. Coercing someone to stay on based on the fact that “God hates divorce” is just postponing the evil day.

In many instances in the Old Testament, after the people of Israel who had committed whoredoms were exiled and managed to be restored to God, they always came back to reaffirm the covenant. At some point, however, God decided to do away with the old covenant and make a new one. See Jeremiah 31:31.

Thanks for your feedback, I really appreciate it. May God bless our homes.

Questions Bouncing In My Head Today

Good morning people. How are you doing?

I have a few questions bouncing in my head today.

1. Is marriage a conditional or unconditional covenant? I'll appreciate scriptures that support whatever option you're taking.

2. If marriage is a conditional covenant, is a party obligated to keep their end if the other party does not honour their end? Afterall, whenever Israel sinned and their cup was full, they would be exiled.

3. If marriage is an unconditional covenant because it is an allegory between Christ and His church, how do we explain the fact that Jesus only reckons with those that keep His word and not those that claim to be saved yet their fruits say something else?

I'm thinking that the vow we take on the wedding day mark the beginning of the covenant just as saying the prayer of salvation marks the beginning of your life as a believer. The continuation of the journey is very dependent on keeping the terms and conditions of the covenant. Of course, there are deviations here and there that are breaches but not clear violations of the vow that was taken.

In the event that a sane person, who is aware that he/she is in a covenant with his/her spouse chooses, for whatever reason, to clearly and directly violate the vow he/she made before God and (usually) many witnesses; the covenant is ALREADY broken, in my opinion.

It is clearly the perogative of the other spouse to decide to enter into ANOTHER covenant with the covenant-breaker. That's why being repentant IF one allows themselves to be overtaken by sin and break the covenant is KEY.

In my opinion, what constitutes CLEAR violations include

1. ADULTERY

2. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

3. ABUSE OF ANY KIND

4. ABANDONMENT

 

To break one's part of the covenant and then turn around to ask the other party to uphold their own end is a clear case of manipulation, which indicates unrepentance in my opinion. It is analogous to living as one pleases and then trying to hold God to His word.

The perogative of mercy lies with the offended spouse. I think those that are priviledged to minister to such wounded souls need to have this at the back of their minds when counselling such people. Putting the responsibility of marital restoration and taking away the perogative of mercy away from these people with "God hates divorce" is cruel.

 

I believe marriages where a partner has broken their vows can be restored. I believe there is a need for a renewal of vows when the person that broke the vows comes to a place of repentance and the hurt spouse is in a place where it doesn't hurt so bad anymore.

 

Anyone priviledged to be involved in such efforts should realise and take the following steps:

 

1. Restoration takes time.

2. There is a need for patience and a safe place to vent for the hurt spouse. Also remember that hurting people hurt others, so you'll need to exercise a little more patience. However, if they are getting to the point of verbal/emotional/physical abuse, there is a need for caution. Ask the Lord to lead YOU through this journey.

3. Spend a lot of time praying with and for them. The journey you're on is a spiritual journey so dealing with this just from your head and mind will have limited effects. Also, as you pray, the Lord will show you areas to tackle.

4. You need to GENTLY introduce the idea of restoration to such a person. Slamming them with Biblical verses and pointing accusing fingers at how their shortcomings (I know they'll have a few). Please resist the temptation to slam it on them as early as possible. Give them time to vent and take some time to earn their trust. Then and ONLY THEN can you begin to gently share scriptures in a non-judgmental way that show them areas they need to let the Holy Spirit do His work. If they are not saved, you should share the gospel with them. Please avoid suggesting that they are having marital issues because they are unbelievers. That is actually a lie - believers also have marital issues.

 

To Be Continued

 

Please extend God's mercy and love to a hurting soul today.

It's Not Worth Dying or Killing For

And that's how I heard of a man who got castrated (and eventually killed) by his angry wife for (alleged?) adultery.
My questions are as follows -
1. Is it worth getting killed by an angry spouse for?
2. Is the anger the cheated spouse feels worth killing for?
If there are issues with the sex you're getting from your spouse, seek godly professional help and work it out.
If you find yourself in the uncomfortable position of being the cheated spouse, please take time to pour all the anger out to the Lord in prayer. Let Him help you heal and let Him lead you on what your next steps should be. I KNOW the Holy Spirit didn't ask the wife to castrate (and kill) her husband.
I remember a post I'd seen about 5 things not to sleep with; the last of them was someone else's spouse OR someone other than your spouse because you may just not wake up.
If the guy was truly cheating, I wonder what kind of conversation he'll be having wherever he is now. It never ends well.

"Your spring water is for you and you only, not to be passed around among strangers. Bless your fresh-flowing fountain! Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose—don’t ever quit taking delight in her body. Never take her love for granted! Why would you trade enduring intimacies for cheap thrills with a whore? for dalliance with a promiscuous stranger?"
Proverbs 5:17-20

"When angry, do not sin; do not ever let your wrath (your exasperation, your fury or indignation) last until the sun goes down."
Ephesians 4:26

Trust me, adultery is neither worth dying or killing for.

CONCERNING ADULTERY

I was priviledged to be part of a discussion yesterday that had at its focus how the response of a cheated spouse saved the marriage. I am pleased to hear of restored marriages all the time. I find it interesting that all the stories I've heard of have a cheating husband and a cheated wife. It'll be refreshing, in my opinion, to hear more stories of restored marriages where there was a cheating wife and a cheated husband.

My views about adultery remain unchanged. It is a sin against God and God promised to judge the adulterer and the whoremonger (Hebrews 13:4).

Let's take a look at Malachi 2: 13-15

"And here’s a second offense: You fill the place of worship with your whining and sniveling because you don’t get what you want from God. Do you know why? Simple. Because God was there as a witness when you spoke your marriage vows to your young bride, and now you’ve broken those vows, broken the faith-bond with your vowed companion, your covenant wife. God, not you, made marriage. His Spirit inhabits even the smallest details of marriage. And what does he want from marriage? Children of God, that’s what. So guard the spirit of marriage within you. Don’t cheat on your spouse." #TheEnd I'm quite tired of the overt and covert blames thrown at the cheated spouse. The choice to stay or walk away from it all is theirs; the Bible PERMITS divorce in this instance. The person that wrecked the marriage (if the cheated spouse chooses to walk away) is the spouse that cheated. Adultery involves a lot of premeditated steps so it is very hard to understand how it could have been a 'mistake' as some choose to call it.

Concerning the strange woman angle usually used to justify adultery, I have a few things to say. We understand from the book of Proverbs that WISDOM and DISCRETION will preserve a man from the strange woman. The man that ended up with the strange woman was already travelling on the path of destruction.

I believe 1 Cor 7: 12-14 addresses the case of the person married to an unbelieving spouse who chooses to, among other things, commit adultery. If the unbelieving spouse chooses to remain, you cannot leave. This is the risk anyone who chooses to marry an unbeliever is taking. You are admonished to hold on to him/her and remain godly. So, my advice to singles is to avoid marrying an unbeliever. Also, the adultery is the least of the problems. The key issue is that you are married to someone that is alienated from God. Your (un)happiness doesn't count as much as the lost soul you're living with sir/ma. May the Lord continue to help us remain steadfast and true to His name (If you're dealing with abuse as well, I'll recommend you find a place of safety, though, and pray for your spouse's salvation from there).

If the unbelieving spouse chooses to walk out of the marriage, I believe 1 Corinthians 7:15-16 is the scripture that addresses this.

"On the other hand, if the unbelieving spouse walks out, you’ve got to let him or her go. You don’t have to hold on desperately. God has called us to make the best of it, as peacefully as we can. You never know, wife: The way you handle this might bring your husband not only back to you but to God. You never know, husband: The way you handle this might bring your wife not only back to you but to God."

If you claim to be a believer, the scriptures that apply to you as it pertains to marriage are found in Colossians 3: 15-19, Ephesians 5: , 1 Peter 3:1-7

Colossians 3: 15-19

Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way. Wives, understand and support your husbands by submitting to them in ways that honor the Master. Husbands, go all out in love for your wives. Don’t take advantage of them.

Ephesians 5: 21-33

Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands. Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage. No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.

1 Peter 3: 1-7

The same goes for you wives: Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs. There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God, will be captivated by your life of holy beauty. What matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes—but your inner disposition. Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in. The holy women of old were beautiful before God that way, and were good, loyal wives to their husbands. Sarah, for instance, taking care of Abraham, would address him as “my dear husband.” You’ll be true daughters of Sarah if you do the same, unanxious and unintimidated. The same goes for you husbands: Be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them. As women they lack some of your advantages. But in the new life of God’s grace, you’re equals. Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don’t run aground.

You have to decide if you are a believer or an unbeliever and act accordingly. As a believer, you have been given all that you require to lead a godly life (1 Peter 1:3). If you have been overtaken by the sin of adultery or any other sin that so easily besets us, there is room for repentance. Repent and be converted. I'll recommend that you spend some time with Psalm 51. There is room for you at the cross. 1 John 1:10 tells us that if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Please feel free to send a message to womentellingafricanstories@gmail.com so we can walk through this journey back 'home' together. 

If you have not yet accepted Christ as your Lord and Saviour, this is an 'altar call' for you. Please  send a message to womentellingafricanstories@gmail.com and we can walk this road together.

If you are the cheated spouse in this case, please rest in the Lord. He will perfect all that concerns you, in Jesus' Name. I'll put up a few posts that are just for you as soon as I can. God will always defend the marriage covenant. I hope you're saved yourself. If not, please send a message to womentellingafricanstories@gmail.com so we can address that first. 

**All passages are from The Message Translation.**

Marriage Matters Part 5 - Sundry Marital Questions

Good day people. How are you doing?

I believe a lot of the marital challenges many couples face are results of a lack of understanding of the purpose of marriage. I've also come across a lot of people who think they're having marital challenges because they married the wrong person or because they didn't perform one ceremony or the other.

I'll like to state that I haven't come across any scripture that tells us how exactly marriage ceremonies should be conducted to assure of God's consent. I believe the laws of the land in which you get married should determine the legality of the marriage. I don't believe Abraham and Sarah had "white" wedding yet God defended their marriage covenant TWICE against powerful third parties.

I don't have anything against church weddings; if you choose to go that route, please make sure you tidy up the legal aspect.

Thus, I believe any marriage conducted legally is approved by God and God will defend that marriage covenant.

There remains the question of parental consent. How important is parental consent in a marriage? In my opinion, the couple should do all they can to get parental consent. If the parents are vehemently opposed, I believe it's worth stepping back to understand why the parents are resolute in their disapproval and asking the Lord to show them how to resolve whatever issues are causing the parents to withhold their consent. If you're already married, lack of parental consent is not enough ground to dissolve the union. Please commit your marriage to the Lord and ask Him to help you in this and other critical areas.

As I stated earlier, many marital challenges result from a lack of understanding of the purpose of marriage. Late Dr. Myles Munroe said "When purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable." So let's ask ourselves "What is the purpose of marriage?" Please feel free to also ask yourself (as a single person) - "Why do I want to get married?" And married persons can ask "Why did I get married?"

I'll attempt to present my findings on the purpose of marriage. Please feel free to add your contributions.

 

1. Fellowship and Companionship

In Genesis 2:18, God looked at Adam and by Himself decided that it is not good for man to be alone. So, the search for a companion started. No animal was considered to be good enough. God needed to bring the woman out of the man. She is the bone of his bone and the flesh of his flesh. She is precious to God, sir. My dear sister, the man you're married to is God's son. Your spouse is a gift from God; no spouse is permitted Biblically to manipulate or mistreat the other spouse. You are to be a conduit of God's love to your spouse. May the Lord help us all and bless our homes.

Your spouse ought to be your friend. I know that one needs to exercise caution and wisdom in telling all (though I believe over time, you should be at the point where you share freely). It shouldn't be hard to communicate with your life companion.

2. To provide a stable home for children to grow in God told us in Malachi 2:13-17 that He is seeking a godly seed. Therefore, He warned the men not to deal treacherously with the wife of their youth. The famous "God hates divorce" is in this passage. If you read the entire Malachi 2, God was actually addressing men. I believe it is not accurate to quote Malachi 2: 16 to women who are fed up with the torture they're receiving from the men they married. I believe in marital restoration; and I also believe in caring for the mental state of the woman dealing with the not-so-perfect marriage. May the Lord help us all.

I'll like to share Malachi 2:16b as a plea (I guess you know it's actually a directive from God) "So watch yourselves. Don’t let your guard down. Don’t cheat."

Malachi 2:16b (The Message Translation)

Please share other Biblical reasons for getting married.

STUDY TO SHOW YOURSELF APPROVED

Good morning.

I was going to put up an update about a discussion I had with my friend that included Adolf Hitler's early childhood. I just decided to search for Adolf Hitler before composing the post. It turns out that what my friend told me is not the same as the stories available in the public place i.e, her story is not verifiable, though it's the stuff movies are made of.

 

It is quite unlike me to swallow a story, hook, line and sinker but I did in this case. My friend actually wrote an essay with this story as her premise. I'll bring my findings to her attention when next we see.

 

As I reflected on this, I realised how easy it is for us to unintentionally mislead and be misled by others. Paul, while writing to Timothy the Bishop, admonished him to take heed to himself and to the doctrine (1 Timothy 4:16). Eternal vigilance is the price we have to pay for our freedom. Jesus admonished us to take heed lest any man deceive us (Matthew 24:5, Mark 13:5)

 

"See to it that no one carries you off as spoil or makes you yourselves captive by his so-called philosophy and intellectualism and vain deceit (idle fancies and plain nonsense), following human tradition (men’s ideas of the material rather than the spiritual world), just crude notions following the rudimentary and elemental teachings of the universe and disregarding [the teachings of] Christ (the Messiah)." Colossians 2:8

 

The one that told you that your deliverance can only come by washing your head with detergent & fuel (as scarce as it is) and the one that told you that your 'seed' will secure your future are one and the same. They've come to take away your liberty in Christ...Believe me, they have Bible passages to support their claims. If you are not grounded in the Word, you will become a slave of sweet-talking people. I'm not talking about spending all your quiet time reading devotionals and Christian books; I mean that you should invest time in reading the actual BIBLE and in context too. If you don't have a physical Bible, you can download a Bible on your phone and read it on the go. There are also Bible websites that give you access to many translations.

 

One fantastic website is Bible Gateway (you can search for it using Google).

"Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage."

Galatians 5:1

 

With all due respect sirs and mas that God has placed in positions of authority, the people you lead are God's people. Jesus Christ shed His blood for them; they are not your personal property. You will have to give account of your stewardship. I plead with you, sirs and mas, please take heed to yourself and to the doctrine...Remain blessed!

PLEASE HELP ME WITH A TITLE FOR THIS

Good morning. I guess the title of this post is funny, right? Please bear with me and perhaps you'll understand why I can't get a title myself.

 

I visited a lady who lost her husband a few months ago. Her husband was a committed husband, father, friend, leader, church worker etc. He was a good man, even in this day and age. His death remains a mystery to those of us that knew and loved him. I have not fully recovered from the shock of his death...He was a good man, full of life and vitality.

 

In the living room of their impressive home is a big potrait of the visioner of the ministry they belong/belonged to. The man himself was totally sold out to the vision; he committed his time, money and resources to the vision of the ministry.

I had assumed that the house they lived in was their property, considering the way the man gave in church.

 

It turns out that this man, who was running his own business and who had asked his wife to stay at home to care for the children, left nothing behind for his wife and kids to live on.

 

Currently, there are bills to pay, including house rent, school fees and there is no foreseeable source of income...There are 4 kids to care for. They haven't heard back from the members of the ministry that 'promised' to help them with house rent...Their house that was flocking with brethren before the man passed on is now loudly silent.

I know the man did not deal wisely financially. I don't want to desecrate his memory by going into what he should have or shouldn't have done. I know the wife as well was quite complacent but I don't believe this is the right time to point this out to her. If you'll like to help with assisting this widow, please let me know. Even ideas are welcome...I mean, their house rent is due and they are trusting God for supply. The woman said she is still trusting that God can bring back her husband. I couldn't bring myself to tell her to move on as I sincerely haven't moved on myself. I'm still kind of believing God myself.

I shared this to bring out a few points

1. If as a person, everything about your family's finances is dependent on you being alive and being physically able to earn (no passive income), you need to ask God for wisdom on how to stop making it all about you. You are fantastic, you have great visions and plans etc. Please get some form of insurance. This is particularly crucial for those that run their own businesses.

2. My brother, even if you don't want Madam to be in paid employment, please let her engage in some money-making venture. The famous Proverbs 31 woman was an enterpreneur. God has deposited more in her than just being your wife and the mother of your children (as important as those roles are).

3. I'm all for being committed and active (financially and otherwise) in church. However, be careful so that you don't let your fellowship with the Word/Holy Spirit suffer because of your commitment to the vision of the ministry. Sometimes, the ministry's projects MAY not be where God wants. Leaders are prone to errors. They sure have a responsibility to take heed to their doctrines but we, the followers, also have a responsibility to ensure that we maintain our fellowship with the Holy Spirit. We should obey our leaders IN THE LORD (for as long as they are leading us in the way the Lord wants us to go). I don't believe God wants us leaving our loved ones financially stranded...Some messages we hear today actually encourage people not to plan financially and generally demonise all forms of financial planning. There is this notion that once you give to 'God' (usually to support ministry projects), you don't need to do any sort of financial planning. God will just take care of your needs whenever you need anything. He can even cause dollars to appear in your room. I don't dispute the fact that God can do whatever He pleases. However, I also read in the Bible that he that does not work should not eat. I heard Jesus ask which man who wants to build a house will not first sit down and count the cost.

I believe in miracles; I also believe in making godly, sound plans for the future (include financial plans). I believe in putting away as savings and in making God-inspired investments.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?