Good day. Thanks for staying with me. You can find Parts 1 and 2 on the blog to catch up.
We'll continue learning from Esther on how to deal with an erratic husband.
Please note that there is no record of Ahasuerus being a wife-beater or a philanderer. In my opinion, those have slightly different 'cures' than what we're focusing on here. If you're dealing with either of these, please get help. Please find Hephzibah Oyinda on Facebook and send a private message OR find 'The Women Stories' Facebook page, like it and send us a message or leave your email address here so we can contact you (not a preferred option). I trust that I can connect you to someone or people that can give you professional and godly help.
I realise that Esther case was peculiar, however, it is worth noting. Mordecai uncovered a plot to kill the king and told Esther. The way I see it, that was a great opportunity to plant Mordecai in the palace and 'reward" him for caring for Esther all the while. I can imagine how easy it would have been to justify that action. Instead, Esther told the king herself. In my opinion, I believe that we need to do what we can to minimize our OWN family's interference in our marriages, just as I believe husbands should do the same for their OWN family members. You need to do all you can, including trusting God and relying on His help, to nurture that marriage and give it room to flourish. I can write volumes on this point alone but I won't.
Then came the issue of promoting Haman. There is no record of Ahasuerus discussing that with Esther. The king issued a decree and Esther didn't even know about it! She only heard about the decree when Mordecai told her. The king even had a party with Haman and Esther, the queen, was not invited. We even found out in Esther 4:11 that Esther hadn't SEEN her husband for 1 month. Yet, he claimed he was attracted to her when he chose her to be his queen. ONE MONTH! And he had time to drink with Haman! I suspect it was this kind of behaviour that made Vashti MAD! Vashti got her own party started; Esther did no such thing.
Infact, it concerns me that Esther was not concerned that she hadn't seen her husband for one month. Did you also notice that neither Vashti nor Esther are recorded to have had kids for Ahasuerus? Do I need to say that Ahasuerus was not interested in satisfying his wives' sexual needs? I know the post is generally aimed at women but I can't help but talk to men here. Neglecting your wife in any way is evil; neglecting her sexual needs is what got Onan killed by God Himself. Please repent if you are guilty of such and ask your wife for forgiveness. Then, take steps to close that door you left open. God bless you.
How did Esther handle Ahasuerus' neglect? She did NOTHING. She didn't seek help from anyone, she didn't try to seduce him or do any of the weird suggestions that we read these days. She didn't throw a tantrum; she didn't throw her own women's party or draw attention to Ahasuerus' neglect. I need to ask, though - What exactly did Ahasuerus need a wife for? See why I'll have counselled him to remain unmarried...Esther got busy with other productive activities. Please share your views on this Esther's response to Ahasuerus' neglect. I think it worked out for her, though she possibly still did not have a child.
I need to talk about procreation and marital success. I believe part of the reasons why "Waiting Mothers" feel under so much pressure to have a child is that they have bought into the lie that a woman has to have a child to be successful. I know the Bible says that children are a heritage from the Lord yet the barren one is instructed to sing in Isaiah 54. Please note that Isaiah 54:1 did not talk about the barren one giving birth or going into labour YET her children are more...There is no record of Deborah or Jael having children yet they succeeded. We are not told that Esther had kids yet she fulfilled her purpose. That doesn't mean you shouldn't desire a child; just don't make an idol of the desire for a child such that you ruin the great relationships God has surrounded you with already.
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