Funny Video

FOR WOMEN (2)

"So that they will wisely train the young women to be sane and sober of mind (temperate, disciplined) and to love their husbands and their children, to be self-controlled, chaste, home-makers, good-natured (kindhearted), adapting themselves to their husbands, that the word of God may not be exposed to reproach (blasphemed or discredited)"

Titus 2: 4-5

Before I start my 'sermon', let me say that nothing here supports domestic violence/abuse. If a man is abusing his wife, he is walking in disobedience already...Woman, seek help...

Seriously, I wonder if some young women are sane (I question the sanity of some older women too, but let's leave them for now). You'll see a young woman that has it all going for her and there she is sabotaging all the efforts of the good people that God has placed in her life...I am passionate about women empowerment so it baffles me when I see/hear some things that some women do to make one wonder where they came from. I sincerely wonder when I read about the "liberalism" some women are advocating for. I think some women won't mind displacing God and running the lives of everyone around them...

Manipulation...Check
Lies...Check
Adultery...Check

WOMAN! Hmmmm...Let me continue my sermon before I get lost in a rant...

Dear young wife, you are to love your husband and your children. As passionate as I am about women empowerment, I don't believe your career/business should be more important than your home (I feel the same way about a man too, so this isn't about asking a woman not to work). There is this thing called "Work-Life" balance. I made a personal decision a long time ago that if I ever had to choose between my family andmy job, my job is the one to go. I have a long story of how I had to remind myself of that choice and make life altering decisions. I'll share it in a separate post later. There are many other things that will compete with your love for your husband and kids...Be wise enough to maintain balance...

Self-Control is a fruit of the spirit. It is required of us all as believers. We can't just do as we like because our flesh wants it. We are to die to self and be alive to the Spirit. This is the realm that if we're not careful, we can easily allow abuse without knowing it. I'll digress a bit and talk about a husband that asked his wife to replace every reference to God in the Bible to "husband" and essentially give him all the reverence that is due to the Lord...Sister, proceed at your own risk....That's idolatory and God is not glorified. If your 'self-control' does not bring glory to the Lord, it is idolatry. Staying silent in the face of abuse doesn't glorify God...Self-control is when you really want to give MIL tribal marks for giving your child tribal marks without checking with you but you hold yourself in and let her son handle it instead (Erm, I don't know if shooting arrows with your eyes means you don't have self-control though, lol). Wisdom is keeping your child away from MIL if she has been hinting stuff like that since forever...

Young women, we are required by the scriptures to be chaste...I know there is a spirit that abounds in this age that tells us ‪#‎YOLO‬...It is NOT the Spirit of God...Chastity is still the standard. Chastity and frigidity are not the same, though...You can still maintain pure thoughts in this perverse generation...

I know some will not like this o but I still need to say it. Sisthren, we have been tasked to be home-makers. Do what you can to make your home a place that everyone wants to come to. I know it takes two to tango...Please do your bit to make the home inviting (Yeah, I agree he also needs to share in the chores...While he's learning, please show him the ropes...Remember his people told him that men don't do house chores so he is just learning...Please patiently help him...Thanks).

I also wish I didn't have to say this - Some women are just downright unkind...I mean everything coming from them is just bitter...Yeah, it's possible that a man caused it as I've been informed that all women's problems have MEN at the root - MENstruation, MENopause (add your own). Still, you can't go around spreading "NASTY" everywhere then whine about how no one wants to help you...If there are issues to be addressed, please get help (You can send me a message and let's remove the root of nastiness, okay?).

Eh ehn, the one that I'm sure some women don't even want to hear AT ALL, considering all the terrible things that have been attributed to it...I'll put on my bullet proof and brave it...You are actually required to subordinate yourself to your husband so that the word of the Lord is not exposed to reproach.

You can read my post on "Love and Submission here -http://hephzibahmusings.blogspot.com.ng/…/love-and-submissi…

Your submission is IN THE LORD...Don't join your husband to commit sin in the name of "submission" o; God did not send you on THAT errand....

Ehn ehn, the gist about daughters-in-law...Some daughters-in-law have learnt how to use manipulation to their advantage. You'll tell Sis A that is doing all she can to make you feel at home tales about Sis B and MIL. I'm even hearing now of one that is trying to turn her SIL that sends her things/money into her human ATM...Kontiniu oooo...God is watching you...No ma, you're not being good natured or kind-hearted when you do that...

So, on that submission matter, if my submission is still offensive (pun intended), please read this...
http://hephzibahmusings.blogspot.com.ng/…/marriage-musings.…

How has your day been?

CONCERNING DELIVERANCE

Good morning friends. I'll like to talk a bit about deliverance today, thanks to a few posts I've read about terrible deliverance sessions. I'll continue with the Titus 2 series shortly.

 

I believe deliverance is a legitimate part of the Gospel package. However, I have concerns about those who seem to magnify the powers of the enemy above God's power. They are false prophets deceiving the elect. They know the names of all the demons but are silent about the ministry of angels. Every mishap is caused by one demon or the other, according to them. Every sickness is caused by Queen of the Coast, marine spirit, serpentine spirit, territorial spirit etc. There is NO mishap caused by negligence in their books.

 

On the day they choose to address taking personal responsibility, they will tell you that it is a spirit that is responsible for the unwillingness to take personal responsibility. Sometimes, I am tempted to believe them, considering the amazing propensity I've observed (online and offline) to blame someone else. However, I know there is no demon responsible for that. For the unbeliever, the first step is to accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour. For the believer, the next step is to develop a closer walk with the Lord and harness the inherent power that comes with the indwelling of the Holy Spirit to mortify the deeds of the body. Then, in special cases, deliverance is TRULY required.

 

Anyone conducting "deliverance" with palm oil, boiled egg, okazi leaves etc is very likely to be a witchdoctor. If they are going beyond fasting and prayer, my brethren, you may be in the wrong place o. If they answer your question about the scriptures that support what they're doing with never-ending stories of their deliverance sessions, that's a serious red flag. In some cases, they'll have some scripture that bears a semblance with what they're talking about but a critical study of the scripture will reveal that they've taken the scripture out of context.

 

I'll give the example of breaking "covenants of death". The scripture usually referred to is Isaiah 28:18. According to them, they stand on this scripture to annul any covenant of death that may be hanging over the person being delivered. However, if you read from verse 14, you'll realise that the passage is talking about scoffers who rule God's people and claim that because THEY have entered into a covenant with death not to kill them, they can do as they please without any negative consequence. God was saying to the scoffers that He would annul the covenant they had with death that made them bold to misbehave and that the scourge would still kill them.

 

See why you can't afford to delegate the very important life-changing responsibility of personal study of God's word to others? If you do, you'll be tossed to and fro by every wind of doctrine.  Study to show yourself approved, your life actually depends on it.

 

Enjoy your day.

 

PS: Please feel free to share your 'deliverance stories', positive or negative. It'll be nice to have a summary of lessons learnt, if it isn't too much to ask.

AS MANY AS ARE LED

So, today, I had to find my way to the supermarket myself. After a series of incidents, I decided to go to another supermarket.

As I was heading there, I felt led to use a separate route but I ignored the "leading". When I was done with my shopping, I still felt led strongly to go through the same route. So, I 'grudgingly' followed the route I was led to go through. The instruction I had was that when I see the person I was sent to, I would immediately know.
As I dragged my load through the route, it occurred to me that if I had listened immediately I got the leading, I wouldn't have to deal with the heavy load, lol.
As I saw a woman from afar, I KNEW she was the one I was sent to. I met another lady with the woman. As I told her that I wanted to share the word from the Lord with her, the other lady quickly excused herself, claiming that she had to get back to what she was cooking, though I met them gisting casually, lol. I didn't mind.
As I sat with the lady I was sent to, she asked me what church I attend. I told her that I didn't really come to invite her to my church but to deliver a word to her from the Lord. I was in jeans and a top so I guess I didn't look like a 'woli', lol. When I gave her the word from the Lord, I ended it by asking her to accept Jesus as her Lord. She asked me to please repeat myself. I gladly did.
Then she told me that she is currently not a Christian. However, she said there is no way she won't become a Christian. She said she just told a lady that left her shop a few minutes before I arrived that she needed a Bible because she needs to read for herself and address some matters. Then she stunned me by requesting for a Yoruba Bible. If you all remember, I bragged about buying a Yoruba Bible a few months ago. I haven't read it since the first day I bought it.
I told her that I'll be back quickly with the Bibeli Mimo. I guess she is used to people promising and failing to deliver because she told me "I'll be expecting you back o". She looked surprised when I got back with the Bible too.
I quickly gave her the Bible and got her number. She's the second of the women I've met in such circumstances. Hmmm

As I reviewed this, a learning point for me is that it pays to listen and do what God is saying. Some have stopped hearing from God (like Saul) because they've flouted every order He gave so He has left them to their own devices. Go back to Him, ask for mercy and start doing what He asks you to do.
Have an enjoyable week.

Myths About Adultery

"There is no man in this God's green earth that is strictly a one woman man. They haven't been born yet. Look around your neck of the wood and see the way women are showing the boobs flaunting it and saying take it."

 

We just need to keep praying for people involved in adultery lest they end up like the proverbial dog that refused to listen to the hunter's whistle.

 

Dear friend caught in the web of adultery/chaste affairs, go back home and work things out with the wife/husband of your youth; that's the Master's desire. Justifying sin, whether it is of the flesh or of the spirit is a recipe for disaster. The Father loves you and needs you to come back home...He's been looking out for you for so long...Return home...

MORE THOUGHTS ON DV&A

In a group I belong to, a lady asked for counsel. It was her second marriage and he was a widower.

Adultery (check),

Abuse (check),

Insolence (check).

 

A good number of us asked her to find her way out of the man's influence. You can imagine my shock when the update from Admin was that the lady expected us to encourage her to fight for her marriage and keep praying.

 

It's been about a year now and I'm still in shock. It doesn't discourage me from trying to reach out to those in abusive relationships; it has only made me review the way I communicate.

 

I think we get impatient with those that we're working with and somehow reinforce the lies the abuser has been telling the victim about abuse being the cause of the abuse and being a 'useless' waste of time.

 

I believe those of us trying to reach out to victims of abuse (and even abusers too) need PATIENCE. We need to be careful not to try to force our wishes and opinions on them. It's a battle we must CONSTANTLY fight as we confront this malaise. May God continue to strengthen and uphold us as we do what HE has called us to do.

 

Enjoy your day.

IN CONCLUSION - Titus2Series

#Titus2Series

I'll be touching on each of the themes covered by verses 9-15.

 

First of all, I find it interesting that slaves were to be taught to respect their masters by their pastors in order to make the teaching about God, our Saviour attractive, not to fight for their emancipation. I'm still chewing on that. I'll appreciate your thoughts on this.

 

Secondly, the grace of God that offers salvation teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions. It teaches us to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives. If the grace you're offering doesn't fulfil these requirements; it is NOT the grace of God. Let me shorten this post by not talking about the evil that has been perpetuated in the name of grace.

 

Thirdly, believers are to wait for the blessed hope - the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ and live self-controlled, upright and godly lives while we wait. Some claim they are waiting but they've stopped living while others have indulged in worldly pleasures and have stopped waiting. We are to live while we wait and wait while we live.

 

Jesus Christ redeemed us from ALL wickedness and purified us to BE HIS OWN (Not your pastor's puppet or to do your own thing, mind you). We are to be eager to do what is good. These days, I see people being eager to do EVERYTHING except what pleases the Master...And I smile as I pass by...You are definitely in my prayers.

 

The minister is to ENCOURAGE AND REBUKE. If, as a minister, all you do is to encourage, well done. However, your work is incomplete. If all your hearers hear every time is a "feel good" message, you need to check again ooo. Lest you've started doing your own. If your own messages are always about HELL FAYA and how everyone has gone astray, please check again...The balanced minister has a healthy dose of encouragement and rebuke.

 

The minister is to encourage and rebuke WITH AUTHORITY. I looked up this verse in the New Living Version. It says that Titus had the right and power to encourage and rebuke his congregation. I'll like to focus a bit on the ministers that claim that they don't want to tell a man when he is the one ruining his marriage and instead guilt-trip the wife about how she should keep praying which, by the way, isn't a totally bad idea. If the man is a member of your congregation, you have the right and the power to encourage AND REBUKE him. Enough of the skewed messages coming from our pulpits that only rebuke victims and encourage abusers. The grace of God has appeared to ALL (male and female) and it teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions.

 

Thanks for staying with me on this Titus 2 series. If you missed any of the posts, you can catch up on the blog. I'll move on to the #FruitOfTheSpirit series.

Enjoy your day.

An Abuser Can Change

A while ago, I spoke rather harsh words to my husband. It wasn't my first time. He responded and we both said really hurtful words to each other.
I went to the guest room and cried. After crying, I reported him to the Holy Spirit. Of course, I didn't report myself because as far as I was concerned, I was just reacting to his 'wickedness'. So, I waited for God to tell me that He would flog my husband and warn him never to mess with the apple of His eyes...

When I heard from God, the answer was FAR from what I expected...The Lord asked me if I would have said ANY of the things I said to my husband to any brother in church. My answer was NO! He asked if I would have reacted the same way I did if it was a brother in church that committed the 'crime' my husband supposedly committed (He didn't do things the way Queen Oyinda wanted them done). My answer obviously was "NO".
Finally, God asked me if my husband isn't my brother in Christ...I became silent for a long time...I had no smart answer...
Many of us treat our spouses worse than we'll treat strangers YET we're supposed to be one flesh...With your mouth, my sister, you belittle him. With your mouth/fists, you strip her of honor and dignity...You are violating your vows and God was at the wedding ceremony ooo.

I wish I can tell you that I'm perfect and never feel like hitting my husband with words that'll destroy his self-confidence. That's a lie! However, if I fall into that sin, I won't justify it and claim it's not as bad as hitting him or stabbing him. I'm not channeling my frustrations properly and my conflict resolution skills are poor. I realise I need to know how to channel my anger to more productive activities and only return to the discussion when I can speak without yelling and using hurtful words. My boss still coached me recently about keeping my voice down when I'm upset. And I KNOW I'm trying.
I believe an abuser can change ONCE he/she acknowledges that he/she is abusive and submits himself/herself to godly counsel. It's helpful to identify your triggers, understand WHY they make you so furious and make an action plan to help you choose a more productive reaction instead of yelling or hitting.
These days, when I feel the anger rising, I try to walk away. If I can not, I find a way to switch off from the conversation and maybe count 1-10 (or 20 or whatever number gets me calm). Then I can return and have that conversation again.
I've had a rewarding day, though I had to use my anger management technique once today. I trust that your day has been fantastic?

Random Musings 2

So, I actually came across a post by a real lesbian yesterday. And I've been asking myself critical questions...How can I show God's love without endorsing homosexuality? It's part of the music that has been playing in my head all day.

Then there's my question about whether it's polite to ask people to look things up when you can easily provide the answer.

Then, the one that is ALWAYS on my mind - Domestic Violence and Abuse is where it is. I'm quite optimistic about the‪#‎WhiteRibbonMovement‬. I'll be sharing more about it as I get more information.

Then I've been reading from those who have been screaming about inclusion yet they have difficulties including those that have views that are different from theirs. Once when I was going on and on about "the truth", a dear friend told me gently but firmly "That's your opinion"...

Anyway, I realise we all have the tendency to believe that we're the blameless saints and anyone who doesn't believe what we believe is the stupid bigot...I think, as believers, we need to subject our beliefs to the light of God's word and let Him be the reason why we do what we do. And if you don't believe in God, it's helpful to sit and review your beliefs and update, if required...I think you're wrong but I guess you already knew that, lol.

Anyway, I was going to gist about a woman I met yesterday that stunned me...I had gone to buy some airtime and I met the Madam of the shop. Apparently, she just finished HITTING a child (I don't know if it's her child or her ward). I must have narrowly missed the action. So the "Aunty" in her shop tried to raise the issue of child-battering with her as the kids had all gone on different errands. I was waiting for one of the kids to return with the air time I asked for. As the "Aunty" brought up the issue, "Madam" responded with "Aunty, e fi iyen le" (Aunty, leave that thing). So, Aunty "shut-upped" her mouth and was just looking at "Madam" as she was taking her irritation out on others. "Aunty" did not say "pim". I followed "Aunty" to shut up my mouth too.
When one of the kids returned (I assume it was the one that received the beating earlier), she began to threaten to beat him. By that time, I had got my air time and was about to take my leave.

I'll like to know if a passerby can report cases of child abuse in Nigeria. If yes, to whom? What evidence do I need to prove that a child is being abused? I'm thinking of reporting that "Madam". Yeah, I know I should Google it, right? I asked Google and she told me to ask on Facebook, lol.

Then, there's the question of my state of origin. I married someone from another state of Nigeria. Do I claim my husband's state of origin or my father's state of origin? I don't even know again. One of the female ministerial nominees was rejected by her husband's people. The same happened with the Late Dr. Dora Akunyili. My people, please educate thy sister ooo.

In case you haven't noticed, this is a random musing. How has your day been?

FOR YOUNG MEN

#Titus2Series

"In the same way, urge the young men to be self-controlled"

Titus 2:6

 

Good evening. Finally I am getting to the part for young men. I planned to focus heavily on self-control (and I still will) but as I typed, I observed that the verse started with "In the same way". So, I asked "In the same way as what?" I looked at verse 3 and I observed that it also started with "In the same way". I believe this is a charge to ministers not to have different standards for men and women; for the young and the old. Obviously, a minister can't treat everyone in the same way all the time. However, one needs to ensure that his/her doctrine does not place undue responsibility on one group while encouraging another group to do as they please.

 

If you observe carefully, self-control is required of all the groups. It is a fruit of the spirit. I find it amusing how Christian men are quick to justify adultery, violence, pornography etc with "I'm only human" whereas they are quick to quote scriptures to a woman who has stumbled...Some men think that being the head of the home releases them to act anyhow without being called to order. The same scriptures you've been using to ask your wife to submit tells you to exercise self-control. I personally consider it hypocritical for a man who is not exercising self-control to be the one shouting from the rooftops that his wife is not living according to verses 4-5.

 

A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls. I'm sure you think it's Hephzibah that's yabbing you, right? Oya check Proverbs 25:28. Yeah, you can thank me later. If you don't control your passions, they'll leave you in ruins (this applies to women too).

 

I have one more post to go on the #Titus2Series. Then, I'll move on to #FruitOfTheSpirit. Thanks for taking this journey with me.

 

Enjoy your day.

CONCERNING DIVORCE

I respect anyone's decision to stick it out and forgive anything their spouse does. It's noble, really. However, I don't agree with those who expect others to live by their personal choices.

If the spouse of a philanderer (a serial adulterer) came to me for counsel, I'll lay ALL cards on the table. Based on my understanding of the scriptures, there is an allowance for divorce (by the hurt spouse) in this instance but he/she cannot remarry. If they cannot 'hold body', my understanding is that they are to be reconciled to their spouse. If the hurt party tells me he/she cannot 'hold body', my counsel is for them to stay and work things out while ensuring they use protection every time they're intimate with the philandering spouse. If the hurt party say they can do without, the choice of staying and working things out or walking away WITHOUT bitterness is actually theirs.

If a person abandons his/her spouse; I think the other party should explore all legitimate avenues for reconciliation. If the abandoning party insists, my understanding is that the abandoned party is free to remarry.

The Bible gives allowance for divorce but it isn't compulsory that one must use those allowances. If one's spouse is hurting him/her consistently or if they walk away, divorce IS an option. I also think we need to stop sending signals that divorce is the unpardonable sin. I know divorce is undesirable but it isn't unpardonable. When Jesus spoke with the woman at the well, he recognized that she had had 5 HUSBANDS! He recognized all the 5 previous unions. He also told her that the one she was currently living with was not her husband (before someone starts teaching me Hebrew, Greek and Latin words, lol). For the record, any marriage conducted in accordance with the laws of the land where the couple celebrated their union is legal and has God's support. You can follow my Nigerian Marriage Act Review on hobcommentary.blogspot.com for more about legal marriages in Nigeria.

Anyone telling you that the person you married (legally o) is not God's will for you is practising witchcraft, run away from them. Like I said earlier, God will defend the marriage covenant. I'll talk more about this in my letter to the "Other Person". Be careful not to mess with God. As loving as He is, my God is a consuming fire...‪#‎BeGuided‬.

I've read about some that believe that God only recognises the first marriage and for others, it's only a "sex covenant"...I can't find any portion of the Bible that supports that position (Please feel free to share any scripture that does). Like I said, divorce IS an option, though not desirable. I believe a person whose unbelieving spouse filed for divorce (I'll add PERSONALLY, "for unjust reasons") is free to remarry. That's my understanding of 1 Corinthians 7: 15.

There's the question of if it is a believing spouse that filed for divorce. It isn't resolved in my mind. I think a believing spouse shouldn't file for divorce but I'll love to hear from you about this. I've read an account where the believing spouse said she had to file for divorce because remaining legally married to the man meant she had to bear his many financial burdens. Like Paul, I don't have a command from the Lord on this matter. I'll love to say that you should find a way to avoid having to bear the financial burden without filing for divorce but only the person wearing the shoes know where it pinches.

A friend said to me, and I agree, that though "God hates divorce" (I think we need to read the whole passage to get the context though, i.e. Malachi 2: 10-17), He loves the divorcee. I find it ironic that it's the injured party we tend to tell that God hates divorce while we walk on eggshells around the party actually breaking their vows.

There are so many diverse reasons why marriages end in divorce. Some of the reasons are fickle and I do not support such divorces. However, telling someone who has already finalized such a divorce that God hates divorce isn't helpful, in my opinion. I think the proper message to such a person is that he/she is valuable to God. If possible, one can mediate between both parties FAIRLY and work towards reconciliation.

In cases where the issues are weighty, eg adultery, abuse etc, I think the first step is to try to get help for the party that broke the marital vows while offering support to the injured party. There should also be focus on helping the injured party avoid getting bitter. Again, the "God hates divorce" mantra isn't helpful here, in my opinion. Hopefully, the couple may eventually reconcile (I am an optimist, lol) and in some cases, they may never reconcile...That's a fact of life.

Then, there's the case of those that abandon their spouses, travel to a "far country" and then return to find that the other party has remarried. In my opinion, that door is closed...at least while the other marriage is valid.

I know divorce is uncomfortable to think about. However, we have people among us that may have legitimate reasons to consider the option as well as those that have gone ahead with divorce. I believe our gospel is incomplete if we exclude divorcees; they are part of the world that Jesus' blood was shed for.

Thanks for taking the time to read my long sermon. Enjoy your day.

FOR WOMEN

#Titus2Series

 

"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."

Titus 2: 3-5

 

Good morning. Today we're focusing on women, young or old. Ministers are to teach older women to be reverent in the way they live. Seriously, we have too many irreverent older women. Some of them are the mothers-in-law tormenting their daughters-in-law, some are the aunties sheltering their nephews that have abandoned their families yet they are quoting scriptures to the women. With all due respect, in many of the marital conflicts, there is an older woman giving bad advice.

 

Older women, the Bible says you shouldn't be slanderers and you shouldn't be addicted to much wine. This means older women have a tendency to become slanderers, if they don't watch it. I was listening to an older woman yesterday and she started making assumption upon assumption and was already slandering the lady she was talking about when I pointed out to her that we don't know for sure that ANY of her assumptions were true. Slander is the end result of passing assumptions as facts. Older women, the fact that you know the cousin of the friend of a neighbour's ex-colleague's ex-fiance that did something similar does not mean that's the case here. Please take time to find out the details of THIS case before coming to conclusions. This is one area where you need to be careful not to let your previous experience mislead you.  

 

I'm wondering why these older women took to wine in the first place? To drown their (marital) sorrows? If you're facing a (marital) challenge and instead of finding lasting solutions, you take to 'wine' (feel free to substitute wine with anything else - work, church, Facebook etc), you'll end up misleading others. Please let God help you and guide you. I'm not saying you shouldn't do any of these things; just don't become ADDICTED to them.

 

Older women, after you've gone through (and come through), THEN you are to urge (teach) younger women. You've received comfort in trying times. Please share that with younger women. I know everyone (I mean E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E) believe they can talk down at young women in the guise of teaching them but it's older women that are given that task. Obviously, younger women need to make themselves available to be taught.

 

It is NOT okay for you, young woman, to disrespect the older woman because you can speak English. Even if you think you know more than she does, remain respectful. I shared about an older woman that was basically slandering another lady in my presence. I courteously pointed out to her that we don't know for sure that what she was saying was true and changed the topic. I haven't started an online campaign, calling her names because of what she said. I believe a lot of younger women need to understand what respect really means. Respect doesn't mean you'll always nod like a lizard to all that you're being told; it just means that even if you have to express a contrary opinion, you pass it across without insulting the other person. I know we may be passionate about some of the issues we're dissenting about. However, we need to be careful about how we communicate our dissent. These older women have things to teach us; they've seen things we haven't seen. #BeGuided.

 

Younger women, please love your husband and children. If you can't love him, please don't marry him. If you can't love them, please don't have children. If he's abusing you, please love him/the children enough to seek GODLY PROFESSIONAL HELP. Love them enough to SPEAK UP and separate, if necessary, while he gets the GODLY PROFESSIONAL HELP required to be whole enough to be reunited with his family. If he is a philanderer, love him/the children to protect yourself and SPEAK UP. If he is immature, love him enough to lovingly pray for him and build him up as much as you can.

 

I'll need to have a 2nd part for women. Please meditate on these things. May God help us all as we make the necessary adjustments.

 

Enjoy your day.

SNAPSHOTS FROM YESTERDAY

So, I met this man with his son and daughter at the supermarket yesterday.
As I was paying for my goods, he asked me if I smell my books before reading. According to him, his wife loves books. His daughter confirmed that her mum has many books. I told her that perhaps Mummy will soon instill the love of books in her, so she better watchout!
I asked him if he reads too and he said he does...ONLINE (Aren't men from Mars? Lol).
It was so sweet thinking of a man who chooses to ...shop WITH THE KIDS while his wife gets some "me-time". I hope the family is doing well...

As I walked into my potential client's office, he claimed he almost panicked. According to him, his wife and I have the same stature and she lives in another state with the kids. He eventually showed me his wife's picture and I can see his point...So, I asked him why he panicked and he said he wondered if his KIDS were okay. That was his first thought...Hmmmm...
He was sooo happy to talk about his family. I think we spent about 60% of our meeting talking about his family (and eventually mine). I didn't mind. I think it meant a lot to him; he's added more to the scope of work. I don't think it was only my competence and looks that won him over. I actually prayed for favour before meeting him. I'm sure it had a lot to do with it. I suspect that the fact that I listened to him as he carried on about his family also counted.
I met up with a friend and his 'boss'. They're the ones that connected me with the potential client. We met in an eatery. I saw a guy I knew in the eatery. Apparently, he was on a date with this young lady. As I took my seat on the next table to theirs, he kept talking to me while his date looked on helplessly. I had to stylishly say something about allowing him get on with his date. ‪#‎SoNotCool‬.
I got there before the guys I met with did and had already ordered something to eat. I must have been eating for about 10 minutes when the guys arrived. They ordered their snacks and managed to finish their meal before I did. As a lady, I don't talk while eating. I guess they had no such rules as guys. I wouldn't have noticed if one of them hadn't pointed it out. We laughed over it but now I'm wondering if it isn't sexist to teach girls not to talk while eating (or vice versa) while guys aren't taught the same...Hmmmm, food for thought...
‪#‎SnapshotsFromYesterday‬
How's your day going? Enjoy the weekend.

FOR OLDER MEN

‪#‎Titus2Series‬
"Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance."
Titus 2:2
The Titus 2 series continues. I guess I've been positively distracted by work (including ministry work and house work, lol). Like I said in the first post, if you search for Titus 2 on the internet, most, if not all, that turns up is focused on the womenfolk. Thankfully, Titus 2 has something for everyone and interestingly, it starts with older men.
Paul admonished Bishop Titus to teach older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. Unfortunately, many believe only God can teach men these things while everyone (I mean EVERYONE) can teach WOMEN...Ministers of God, please we need these truths to be taught to our older men without neglecting to teach our women.
I'll touch on each of these. However, since I'm not a Bishop, I won't dwell too much on each. I'll trust you to do some personal Bible Study. Also, young men, this is what you should be aspiring to as you grow.
(A) TEACH OLDER MEN TO BE TEMPERATE
Temperate means "showing moderation or self-restraint". Verily, verily, I say to you my brethren, you cannot prove your temperance/moderation/self-restraint unless you have faced a situation where you could have acted otherwise. If your wife's behaviour made you hit her or lash out, you still have some distance to cover in temperance/moderation/self-restraint. I have a lot to say but I'm trying to keep the post short, lol.
(B) TEACH OLDER MEN TO BE WORTHY OF RESPECT
The key word here is "worthy". Hephzibah's translation would be something like "Respect thyself that thou might be respected". Some older men expect to be respected because of their age, others because of their gender. Hmmm, brother, respect is earned. Again, plenty stories but ‪#‎NoTime‬.
(C) TEACH OLDER MEN TO BE SELF-CONTROLLED
This is very similar to (A) so I won't repeat myself. I'll just add that you need to master your self - your urges, temper, love of gadgets/football etc. Check your motives.
(D) TEACH OLDER MEN TO BE SOUND (IN LOVE, FAITH AND ENDURANCE)
We need our men to understand and be grounded in love, faith and endurance. I understand that you may have had few (or no) role models. You can become a role model, sir, if you let God lead and guide you.
I am participating in a discussion that challenges women to share some of the nice things that a Nigerian man has done for them. Some of the things some of these men have done need to be published; they are the unsung heroes of our time. I realised, though, that many of the nice things were done by older men. It reminded me of a time when I was basically comparing my husband to my father while grumbling to my mum. She told me that my dad was more or less like my husband when he was my husband's age but as he grew older, he grew wiser and more mature (I know some men are NOT yet growing wiser as they grow older. Their matter will be addressed separately). So, dear women, my point is that with some patience and loving support from you and others, your husband will usually grow to become more loving and responsible so keep tending your own garden. The grass is only greener on the other side because someone is tending it.
Enjoy your day.
PS: Nothing in this post justifies domestic violence/abuse (DV&A). If you're a victim/perpetuator of DV&A, please seek professional help. I'll be glad to recommend godly and professional counsellors.

PRAYING THROUGH

The most effective people I know are not forceful; they state their case then spend more time praying for you.
If you ever find yourself saying "I have been telling him/her/them the same thing and he/she/they have refused to change", it's time to switch gears. You need to start praying more and talking less.
At some point, my younger brother took a job I considered to be slavery. I let him know what I thought about his job and it obviously didn't sit well with him. My dad d...idn't see my point. My mum saw my point but wasn't willing to get too involved in the matter. I complained for a while then I realised that I needed to talk less and pray more.
A few months later, my brother came back home and told us that he resigned. What his employer did that made him resign wasn't really a big deal; he had swallowed greater nonsense from his employer. I didn't tell him "I told you so" though I was really itching to do so, lol. I continued to pray.
After leaving that 'job', he went through a really rough patch. One good thing that came out of that phase for him was that he learnt humility.
We spent some time together last weekend. I was so happy to hear him guiding his colleague on the proper way to channel his complaints. I know he is growing. I won't stop praying for him now.

No matter how many people deride prayer, it won't lose its power. Keep watching and praying.
Enjoy your day.

THIS FAIRYTALE IDOL

 *Warning: Long Post Ahead*
Good day. How are you doing?
I remember wondering why Angela Bassett (I hope I got that right?) didn't marry Larry Fishbourne in "Akeelah and The Bee". I thought that was the perfect ending. Somewhere in the corner of my mind, I felt that every woman should have some romance and somehow, the knight in shining armour would come and complete her.
mariedLet me quickly state that I believe marriage is honorable and can be a beautiful thing when done right. I am a bit concerned, though, about the notion that a woman is incomplete without a man. I can tell you that I first learnt that from the fairy tales I read as a child - Snow White and the seven dwarves, Cinderella (or Chinda Ella Babalola, as we've been taught by Eketi Aime Ette) and Sleeping Beauty etc. They all got married and "lived happily after" (?)
Imagine my shock when I started reading the Bible and I met Tamar, the lady that married Er(ror?), the son of Judah, who was perhaps the most godly man in her land. I'm sure they had a fairytale wedding. Only God knows how wicked Er was...God said He, the Almighty, slew Er. So, I know there are sons of Belial among the sons of Judah...Then she got passed on to Onan, who was equally wicked enough to get himself killed by the Almighty...You may want to look up 'onanism', that came from Onan, a son of Judah...Then the family suspected that it was Tamar (or her spirit husband/children) that was/were killing their sons (no, it had nothing to do with their wickedness...)
Then they quickly used 'sense' to put her away...She was to die childless and destitute. I wish I could say it was God that gave Tamar the idea on how to deal with Judah and his family. The truth is, I sincerely don't know who gave her the idea. What stood out for me, though, was that when God settled Tamar's matter, NO Prince Charming came to marry her and roll away the "reproach of her singleness". Through sons born in 'embarassing' circumstances, Tamar found herself in My Saviour's lineage...I've written a bit about Tamar's 'embarassing' story; it's on the Hephzibah's Musings blog.
Then I met Hagar. After the untidy arrangement with Abram and Sarai, I didn't read of a Prince Charming coming along to sweep her off her feet and help her raise her son. It was the Lord Almighty that was with the boy as he grew. I didn't read that Hagar remarried or had a lover that helped her raise her son (kudos to the men that step up, though).
Then I met Martha. I didn't read about her husband or sugar daddy. Yet she had a house where she, Mary and Lazarus lived. I didn't hear Jesus casting out the "Incubus" that caused Mary and Martha to remain unmarried or the generational curse(s) that made Martha, Mary and Lazarus remain single beyond the 'magical' age of 30 (Please, can someone advise on why 30 is the threshold, particularly for ladies?)
Am I saying marriage is not important? Not really. I also met married people in the Bible who did great things. However, a good number of them did not "live happily ever after" because they married "perfect" spouses. They had to obtain promises through faith and patience just like you and I. In fact, we are admonished to follow the examples of those who, through faith and patience, obtained the promise.
Paul's submission about singleness and marriage in 1 Corinthians 7 are VERY instructive.
"Now to the unmarried[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion."
1 Corinthians 7: 8-9
If so, why are we blaming "Incubus" and "Sucubus" for delaying marital destinies? My people, my people, we need to be careful so that somebody will not call a dog a monkey and we'll just be following blindly. Let's not make marriage into an idol. It is this idolatry that is causing many problems.
Oh, and I heard today about a "sisto" that refused to go with her husband on the trip to Jerusalem because her body is the temple of the Most High. I'm not sure how they settled her matter but if you and her are in the same category, please read 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 CAREFULLY! There's a blog post dedicated to this matter.
Let me go back and face my work. I trust you're keeping well. As you've got to the end, please reward yourself with some cold water from your fridge. heart emoticon heart emoticon
Have a restful evening.

LETTER TO MY FRIENDS

Dear Friends,
Be careful who you talk to about your marital challenges. There are people out there who are working as the devil's agents to take advantage of every slight misunderstanding.
The devil's strategy is to steal, kill and destroy. That's what these agents do. They tell the wife whose husband hasn't yet learnt how to help around the house that he can never change. They paint a gloomy picture of the future and then let you (like Eve) lead yourself astray. They tell th...e husband whose wife hasn't learnt how to talk respectfully that she can never change. They paint a gloomy picture of the future and then let you lead yourself astray.

Be careful about these kinds of people. More importantly, don't be one of such advisors. When people come bearing tales about their spouses, take time to listen actively and hear what they are NOT saying. Gently but firmly ask them what transpired BEFORE the spouse (over-)reacted. Then gently ask them kind questions about the gaps (Please ask questions that don't blame the 'victim'). Also, let the Holy Spirit lead you on the questions to ask.
Before you start giving counsel based on a one-sided conversation, ask if you can discuss with the spouse. It is not wise to make decisions on what you've heard from just one of the spouses (even if he/she is your child or sibling). Things are rarely as they seem.
TO BE CONTINUED.
PS: Nothing here justifies abuse/philandering. If you're dealing with either or both of this, please seek godly professional help and please tell the counsellor the truth so they can truly help you. Stay blessed.

LETTER TO THE BELIEVER

Dear Believer,
We live in the last days where men are lovers of themselves rather than lovers of God. There is a tendency for us to seek other believers and cluster together because "evil communication corrupts good manners". However, we need to realise that inspite of the corruption that abounds, we are still expected to make the gospel relevant in our days.
We are to shine the light by our words and actions. We need to make the gospel relevant (without watering down) in ou...r day. We need to reach out in the marketplaces. Our knowledge of "Greek" and "Latin" words may not help here.

"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because He has chosen me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind; to set free the oppressed and announce that the time has come when the Lord will save His people" (Luke 4: 18-19).
That's what's been ringing in my spirit all day...
Brethren, if we can sing the gospel, let's do so; if we can act movies with the gospel, let's do so...The gospel is GOOD NEWS! We need to get the message out to the poor, captives, blind and oppressed. God is counting on us...We are His ambassadors...Let's share it however and in whatever form that we can till the whole world is filled with this gospel...
Good night friends.

HEPHZIBAH ON FEMINISM

For the records, I'm neither a feminist nor a 'masculist'; I'm just a woman who believes that
1. Men and women are equal and have complementary roles.
2. God doesn't prefer one gender to the other. HE created us as male and female.
3. We can ALL get along if we try hard enough to understand what the other person is trying to say. There is no value in insulting another person because he/she has a contrary opinion. We can dissent decently.
4. A woman that chooses to stand by h...er boyfriend while he fathers children here and there is NOT necessarily a role model, even if the philandering boyfriend finally married her. With all due respect, that doesn't count as stuff role models are made of. Touching lives and transforming destinies are two things to look out for in role models.
5. There is nothing that can't be resolved with either sliced bread or Jollof Rice. grin emoticon
Good night friends.

SOUND DOCTRINE

#Titus2Series

 

"You, however, must teach what is appropriate to sound doctrine... In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us."

Titus 2:1, 7-8

I'm sure someone is wondering how I decided to focus on Titus 2. I'll gladly tell you why. Once I was searching for a picture for Titus.  Most, if not all, of what turned up in my search was for the Titus 2 woman. There's even a group on Facebook called Titus 2 Mum. There appears to be a fixation on teaching ONLY women to be godly. I don't agree with this fixation so I decided to shine the light instead of cursing darkness. I believe there's a lot each person can learn from Titus 2. I pray that the Word will locate and transform you.

Today, we'll be focusing on the minister of the Gospel. According to church history, Titus was the first bishop of Crete. Paul referred to the words of a Cretan prophet (which he agreed with, by the way) that Cretans were liars, wicked beasts and lazy gluttons. Paul instructed Titus to rebuke them sharply (because dem no dey hear small small, lol). The "them" Paul was referring to were those deceiving others with their nonsense, holding on to Jewish legends and human commandments...Those who claim to know God but their actions deny it.

In contrast, Titus was to teach what agrees with sound doctrine. Paul went on to state what sound doctrine was to different categories of persons. Emphasizing on one truth and neglecting others is NOT sound doctrine, dear Minister.

I was watching a preacher on TV and he got to a point where he talked about submission. Then he went on forever about how wives are to submit to their own husbands (which isn't a lie) and a neo-radical evangelical feminist watching with me quickly said "And husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the Church". Unfortunately, he never managed to even as much as drop in the bit about husbands loving their wives before continuing his sermon. I didn't even totally agree with all he said about submission but I believe there would have been balance if he mentioned the point about husbands loving their wives, as Christ loves the Church.

I understand that one of the veterans of the faith in Nigeria has said that he's going to dedicate the rest of his days reversing the erroneous teachings that he has helped perpetuate. I once read a book by the Late Kenneth E. Hagin where he said God told him after about 10 years of ministry that 70% of what he (Kenneth E. Hagin) was teaching was not in the Bible and that was the cause of the lack of demonstration of the power of the Holy Spirit in his ministry. I know some hold contrary views about Late Kenneth E. Hagin but I'm convinced he was right on this count.

Dear minister, I believe it's time to review your doctrine and confirm that what you believe and teach is actually what the Word of God says about the matter. You will give account on your doctrine so I believe you need to review it. May the Lord continue to enlighten our hearts and minds.

Enjoy your day.

FOR THE VIRTUOUS WOMAN'S FAMILY, FRIENDS AND BUSINESS PARTNERS

#‎VirtuousWomanSeries‬
 "Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."
HER HUSBAND
I'm reading about so many terrible things that some men (and their relatives) think is okay to do to their wives and girlfriends/fiancees. I know there are women that do terrible things and some have just been addressed in the series (You can catch up on the entire series on the blog). I'll like to state categorically that marriage or courtship does NOT justify abuse. No one deserves to be treated as less than human.
No human being deserves to be raped, enslaved or made to live in fear in their own homes. The vows exchanged do not confer on you the right to cheat on her and infect her with STIs/STDs; they do not allow you transfer your aggression on her. It is NOT okay to hit your wife sir. Inspite of what you were told, it is NOT okay to disrespect her. It is NOT okay to listen to the false prophet telling you to divorce her because she/her spirit husband are after your life. If you have REAL evidence that your wife is TRULY after your life (not the twisted dreams that many false prophets out there are spreading about these days), please let God lead you on how your relationship with her should be. However way, don't neglect your children because of that; you are still expected to show fatherly affection to your children and to provide for them.
She is to be honored sir; that's what the same Bible that asked her to submit to your authority asked you to do. Selah.
HER CHILDREN
I agree that there are mothers that can 'worry'. Sometimes, we just want to escape and avoid their 'nagging'. Still people, you need to care for and not abandon your mother. Of course, you need to establish boundaries; she shouldn't be a stumbling block in your marriage. All the same, honor her for all that her hands have done.
It is NOT okay to listen to the false prophet telling you that she/her spirit husband are after your life. The false prophets want to make you their cash cow.
In case your mother's hands have TRULY done evil, please show mercy and let God lead you on how your relationship with her should be. However, don't neglect your duty to her. Selah
HER (EXTENDED) FAMILY MEMBERS
The woman is NOT a beast of burden whose duty is to attend to your every wishes. It is NOT okay to dump all the chores on her. It is NOT okay to disrespect her. It is NOT okay to go to your brother's house and disrespect his wife. YOU are in error if you do that. It is NOT okay for you to expect her/her husband to neglect their family and focus on YOUR needs. YOU need to get productive and take care of YOU. YOU need to live within your means. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. Selah.
HER FRIENDS
Friendship is a beautiful thing when done right. If you have a virtuous woman is your friend, happy are you. Be considerate of her time; you can see for yourself all that she has to juggle. You should also be engaged really but assuming you're not yet that engaged, don't feel like your friend is 'forming busy'. She is ACTUALLY busy. Obviously, she shouldn't be too busy to catch up once in a while. When she does spend time catching up, please refrain from complaining about how little time she spends with YOU! It is just wrong on so many levels; I don't have enough space to elucidate. It shows you're selfish and really, that guarantees that she'll spend even less time with you going forward. If you're always complaining about how your friends have abandoned you, I think it's time to check yourself really. I know there are exceptions but generally, it's either you have terrible friends or you're not the most charming person to be around.
If you have a virtuous woman as a friend, honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. Selah
HER EMPLOYERS/CLIENTS/BUSINESS PARTNERS
If you are doing business with a virtuous woman, blessed are you. You have found a jewel of inestimable value. She brings good and not evil. You shouldn't take advantage of that because anyone that tries that is poking the apple of God's eyes. If she works for you, treat her right. If she is your business partner, don't try to cheat her.
Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. Selah
HER EMPLOYEES/SUBORDINATES
If you work for a virtuous woman, blessed are you. She brings good and not evil. You shouldn't take advantage of that because anyone that tries that is poking the apple of God's eyes. Don't disrespect or try to cheat her; there is a God in heaven whom she serves. ‪#‎BeGuided‬
Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. Selah
I'm sure I've missed some other categories but I believe the point has been made. Treat the virtuous woman right and praise her.
Hephzibah Oyinda honors all the virtuous women out there and praises them. May the works of your hands bring you praise in places where decisions are taken.
Enjoy your day.
PS: This concludes the ‪#‎VirtuousWoman‬ series. You can read the series on the blog. I'll be moving on to the Titus 2 series.

A WOMAN THAT FEARS THE LORD

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."
Proverbs 31: 30

Yes, there are charming and beautiful women. Some fear the Lord and some don't. If all there is to you as a woman is your charm and beauty, with all due respect, that isn't anything worthy of praise. It is the woman that fears the Lord that deserves praise. 

The woman that fears the Lord does not repay evil with evil. She does not seek to control and manipulate others. She does not twist scriptures to fit her desires. She does not use false submission as a tool of manipulation. I'll repeat that Queen Jezebel was a very married manipulative witch. So, the fact that your husband hasn't walked away doesn't mean you fear the Lord. 

The woman that fears the Lord treats others with respect and gives honour to whom it is due. She is loving and giving but definitely not a doormat. She submits to every God-given authority, including her husband's authority. She submits to her husband's authority. She does not usurp his authority, like Queen Jezebel did. I've written about submission in previous posts. Please search on the blog for my "Submission" related posts. 

The woman that fears the Lord does not disrespect her in-laws and neighbours, just because she can. She also has enough wisdom to know when to get involved in other people's business and when to stay away. She's wise enough to ask God before taking any step/decision. If your in-laws are giving you wahala, take it to the Lord in prayer and let your husband know RESPECTFULLY that his people are crossing boundaries. May God continue to guide our steps. 

The woman that fears the Lord raises her kids to fear the Lord. She doesn't encourage her kids to disrespect their elders in the guise of encouraging them to be expressive. She models godly behaviour. She teaches them to take personal responsibility, repent, apologize and make amends, where possible, when they make mistakes. Some of the proudest and most insolent people I ever met are actually women. I've met my fair share of fantastic women too, just FYI...

The woman that fears the Lord treats her workers right. She doesn't transfer aggression to them. Madam, if you're having marital challenges, please address them squarely and don't take it out on your workers. Be kind to those that works for you, even if they are acting in the most unloving manner. Part of being kind is also firing them to greater heights, if required. Just remain kind. 

Enjoy your day.