Until the victim of domestic violence and abuse has a "Eureka" moment, they will not stay away from the abuser. They don't believe they can be the victim whose pathetic story is all over social media... They truly believe that if they try hard enough, the abuser will change. Yes, they don't mind shaming the abuser on social media so he can change...
I believe that not everyone is wired to be the emotional responder to DV victims. I know only 4 people working in that field today that I believe are trained for this - Ma Laila Stmd, Aunty Josephine Effah-Chukwuma, Sis Olubunmi Layode and Barrister Abiade Olawanle Abiola. If you know anyone else involved in this because they want to solve a problem, please let us know about them.
I understand the frustration of trying to help a victim leave an abusive relationship and watching them go back. The way I help myself not get frustrated is not to get too emotionally invested... If emotional support is not your thing, you can still contribute financially. It will be greatly appreciated. Please contact the Amazons I mentioned above.
Obviously, they don't do the work alone. They have wonderful helpers. You can also volunteer to help. The one thing we can't afford to do is drop the ball; our generation is counting on us.
Have you eaten?
Wednesday, January 3, 2018
WHAT WOMEN WANT
Last year, I asked women what qualities they look out for in a potential partner. Below are the responses I got from the survey.
1. I am impressed by a man who doesn't feel the need to discuss every damn situation with his family (his mom especially ) and his friends. A man who doesn't feel his manhood is tied to how brutish and stifling he can be but allows his woman to flourish in her discpline.
2. A man:
- Comfortable in his skin such that he's not afraid of being vulnerable with his partner or feel the need to act a certain way to earn her respect.
- Who longs to serve his wife as Christ serves the church
- Whose foremost desire from his wife is her companionship.
3.
A man whose fruits (actions) show that he fears, honours and loves God. A man who does not demand my respect but is ready to earn it. A man who is not a hypocrite. A man who is not afraid or ashamed to be silly and playful with our children while being able to guide and discipline them. A man who understands that submission cannot be forced from me, so he is not threatened when I express my opinion by forcing me to go his way. A man who is not afraid to be vulnerable with me and accepts me when I am vulnerable with him. A man who is not determined to make me fit a mould or fit his idea or other people's idea of a wife, basically he loves me flaws, strengths and all. An extremely hard and smart working man who also enjoys helping around the house with chores and family time. Lastly a man who is honest with me and does not keep secrets from me.
Here's mine
I need a man who"
- Holds me and protects me (as much as he can)
- Takes his time to understand how I feel each time
- Understands the meaning of COMMITMENT and takes his vows seriously
- Seeks truth and strives to be a better each day
- Takes time to place his heart inside me. A man that is patient enough to explain what he is trying to say till I get his point.
- Is not afraid to say "I'm sorry" when he's wrong
- Is proud to let the whole world know that I am the queen of his heart. I am not overly into public displays of affection but if it is necessary, he should not be so stiff
- Takes time to let me know that I enrich his life
- Takes personal hygiene and fitness seriously
- Has a great sense of humor and is not too sensitive
- Has good work ethics
- Is committed to my growth
- Fights daily for our relationship
Ladies, what do you want in a man? You can share with us in the comments or send an email to womentellingafricanstories@gmail.com
Enjoy your day.
Wednesday, September 6, 2017
Starting a Daycare as a Business - Questions and Answers
Question and Answer session with Maria Otiso
Question: You said something about having furniture for parents. Could you please expatiate on it?
Answer: The furniture I was talking about are chairs and tables where they can sit when waiting for their kids. Some daycares do not have a place a parent can sit. Sometimes you just need to sit and listen to the teacher rather than standing while the teacher or director is talking to you. Remember some of these parents come from work very tired. It’s something like a waiting place or a reception area with two or three seats
Question: I believe not everyone is qualified character-wise and temperament-wise to run a day care. So what kind of person should run a day care?
Answer: Each one of us have areas we are so good at which may not be so with others. Please do an assessment to know which area you are good at. Some of us can be very good farmers, engineers, professors and doctors. Check which area you are good at and start the business. Also, you can start and get the right staff to run the daycare even if you are not directly involved with kids. You can just decide to be a director and make sure the daycare is running smoothly.
Question: So, is there no possible means of starting small because I think the installation of those gadgets may cost a lot of money? The licenses are so many; won’t that deplete one's starting capital?
Answer: Yes, in one of the points I said you should start small. So, you don't have to start with everything that is laid down here. You develop it slowly. Some of the licenses require very little money so that is not a problem.
Mariapia Otiso is the mother of a beautiful girl and the wife of a handsome man. You can reach her by sending an email to mariapia.kagendo@gmail.com
Saturday, April 1, 2017
She Does Not Eat The Bread Of Idleness
"She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.” Proverbs 31: 27
Once again, someone has asked me for more information about myself. I will oblige you this time BECAUSE IT TIES INTO WHAT I WAS GOING TO WRITE ABOUT ANYWAY. I’ll let you know, though, that I am at liberty to reveal what I wish to reveal about myself when I want to. I also realise that you have the right to choose your friends, real or virtual. If you need more information than I’m willing to divulge, please use whatever buttons Facebook has given you to protect your privacy…
Now to the real gist of the post…I grew up in a family with strong women. I have/had aunts, cousins and other female relatives who went through terrible pains in the name of marriage. I decided not to get married because I didn’t believe I could stand the crap that these wonderful women endured in the name of marriage. Eventually, though, a young man swept me off my feet and I almost made him my ‘god’.
Thankfully, he is a firm believer in women empowerment because I really would have considered dropping it all and staying in ‘utopia’ with him (Hint: I’m not looking for another man to ‘sweep’ me off my feet). I’m back on earth now because my ‘knight in shining armor’ has some dents in the said armor. The focus of this post is not marriage so I’ll hurry to my point.
These strong women had to deal with all sorts of crap from the men they married. We can debate till we’re blue in the face on whether they deserved it or not because they
1) snatched someone’s boyfriend,
2) saw the traits yet went ahead to marry the dude or 3) whatever else tickles your fancy…
One thing I learnt from these women that I hope to pass on to my child(ren) is the fact that they didn’t let the crap their husbands or family members/in-laws were dishing out keep them down. They still went on to make and are still making successes of their lives.
I can’t deal with the way some women’s life ambition is to get married and have kids. I have no qualms with having a family and looking out for the well-being of the family (that’s the first part of the verse I quoted). What I have issues with is how some women hand over their financial future to a man, who at his very best, is still a man.
Then there are those sisters/mothers that won’t stop pestering their married brothers/sons for financial support. With all due respect, you’re causing strains in your brother/son’s marriage. In the name of all that you hold dear, please get a life. I don’t mean to disrespect you; it’s just that your conduct leaves a lot to be desired and someone needs to tell you. Please, get past whatever hurt, disappointment or whatever and make something enviable out of your life. I’m sorry you had to/have to deal with crap; God will see you through as you prayerfully endure. While you’re praying for a change in your situation, please can you get busy?
Many, if not all, of the heroines in the Bible had to deal with crap in their family lives yet they went on to give us wonderful role models to look up to. Sarah had no kid; Rebekkah had no kids and was married to a passive man who was possibly an over-pampered dude. Leah was in a loveless marriage, Rachel had to contend with her blood sister for her husband. We have no clue what Lappidoth was up to yet Deborah judged Israel and together with Jael and Barak led Israel to a victory that resulted in 40 years of peace. Please feel free to add your favorite heroine’s story to the mix.
I trust that there are men who give their wives as much as they can; they sacrifice for their families. I salute you, sirs. However, I have an issue with you…I hope you’re not enabling your wife or any of your female relatives to eat the bread of idleness. I hope you haven’t become their “Alpha and Omega”. If that’s the case, please sir, repent and encourage her to get busy…She needs some empowerment.
If you’re a woman on my friends’ list and you don’t mind connecting with other women who are not idle, rude or generally poorly-behaved people, please let me know if you’re interested in joining a Facebook group created with you in mind. We share business/career tips and opportunities that are particularly targeted at women. I’ll need you to either leave a comment or send me a private message. I’ll add you ASAP. Please note that there are specific market days so please don’t post adverts on non-market days. I’ll recommend to the Admins that they take disciplinary action against anyone that does not comply with the rules and particularly anyone that puts up posts seeking non-business/career related counsel. My pet peeve is all those mindless BCs requiring people to send to a certain number of people so that there will be no evil outcome…That’s the #1 symptom of idleness and a serious infraction, in my opinion. My sisters, abeg don’t fall my hand when I add you to the group. Thanks in advance.
My darling brothers, I am only a member in the group so my influence in the group is minimal. If you think there is value in creating such a group for men and women, please let me know in the comments. If I see enough interests, I’ll start the group though I won’t be the major Admin. It’s the first man and woman to indicate interest in such a group that will be the Admins ooo, lol #NoTime.
Enjoy the day and be the change you’re expecting…
Once again, someone has asked me for more information about myself. I will oblige you this time BECAUSE IT TIES INTO WHAT I WAS GOING TO WRITE ABOUT ANYWAY. I’ll let you know, though, that I am at liberty to reveal what I wish to reveal about myself when I want to. I also realise that you have the right to choose your friends, real or virtual. If you need more information than I’m willing to divulge, please use whatever buttons Facebook has given you to protect your privacy…
Now to the real gist of the post…I grew up in a family with strong women. I have/had aunts, cousins and other female relatives who went through terrible pains in the name of marriage. I decided not to get married because I didn’t believe I could stand the crap that these wonderful women endured in the name of marriage. Eventually, though, a young man swept me off my feet and I almost made him my ‘god’.
Thankfully, he is a firm believer in women empowerment because I really would have considered dropping it all and staying in ‘utopia’ with him (Hint: I’m not looking for another man to ‘sweep’ me off my feet). I’m back on earth now because my ‘knight in shining armor’ has some dents in the said armor. The focus of this post is not marriage so I’ll hurry to my point.
These strong women had to deal with all sorts of crap from the men they married. We can debate till we’re blue in the face on whether they deserved it or not because they
1) snatched someone’s boyfriend,
2) saw the traits yet went ahead to marry the dude or 3) whatever else tickles your fancy…
One thing I learnt from these women that I hope to pass on to my child(ren) is the fact that they didn’t let the crap their husbands or family members/in-laws were dishing out keep them down. They still went on to make and are still making successes of their lives.
I can’t deal with the way some women’s life ambition is to get married and have kids. I have no qualms with having a family and looking out for the well-being of the family (that’s the first part of the verse I quoted). What I have issues with is how some women hand over their financial future to a man, who at his very best, is still a man.
Then there are those sisters/mothers that won’t stop pestering their married brothers/sons for financial support. With all due respect, you’re causing strains in your brother/son’s marriage. In the name of all that you hold dear, please get a life. I don’t mean to disrespect you; it’s just that your conduct leaves a lot to be desired and someone needs to tell you. Please, get past whatever hurt, disappointment or whatever and make something enviable out of your life. I’m sorry you had to/have to deal with crap; God will see you through as you prayerfully endure. While you’re praying for a change in your situation, please can you get busy?
Many, if not all, of the heroines in the Bible had to deal with crap in their family lives yet they went on to give us wonderful role models to look up to. Sarah had no kid; Rebekkah had no kids and was married to a passive man who was possibly an over-pampered dude. Leah was in a loveless marriage, Rachel had to contend with her blood sister for her husband. We have no clue what Lappidoth was up to yet Deborah judged Israel and together with Jael and Barak led Israel to a victory that resulted in 40 years of peace. Please feel free to add your favorite heroine’s story to the mix.
I trust that there are men who give their wives as much as they can; they sacrifice for their families. I salute you, sirs. However, I have an issue with you…I hope you’re not enabling your wife or any of your female relatives to eat the bread of idleness. I hope you haven’t become their “Alpha and Omega”. If that’s the case, please sir, repent and encourage her to get busy…She needs some empowerment.
If you’re a woman on my friends’ list and you don’t mind connecting with other women who are not idle, rude or generally poorly-behaved people, please let me know if you’re interested in joining a Facebook group created with you in mind. We share business/career tips and opportunities that are particularly targeted at women. I’ll need you to either leave a comment or send me a private message. I’ll add you ASAP. Please note that there are specific market days so please don’t post adverts on non-market days. I’ll recommend to the Admins that they take disciplinary action against anyone that does not comply with the rules and particularly anyone that puts up posts seeking non-business/career related counsel. My pet peeve is all those mindless BCs requiring people to send to a certain number of people so that there will be no evil outcome…That’s the #1 symptom of idleness and a serious infraction, in my opinion. My sisters, abeg don’t fall my hand when I add you to the group. Thanks in advance.
My darling brothers, I am only a member in the group so my influence in the group is minimal. If you think there is value in creating such a group for men and women, please let me know in the comments. If I see enough interests, I’ll start the group though I won’t be the major Admin. It’s the first man and woman to indicate interest in such a group that will be the Admins ooo, lol #NoTime.
Enjoy the day and be the change you’re expecting…
Tuesday, March 14, 2017
BEFORE YOU QUIT YOUR JOB
If you are planning to quit your job to face your business, please note that business rarely starts booming immediately you start. Don't let "motivational speakers" fool you with their power of persuasion. You're going to have some trial and error period.
Don't let some destiny wasters lie to you that it's the "powers of your father/mother's house" or your spouse that are contending against your destiny and waste your already lean resources pursuing solutions to nonexistent problems. Don't let anyone play ping pong with your money and future.
Entrepreneurship does not start out rosy but if your products or services are providing value and you maintain the right attitude, your customers will find you.
Before you quit your job, plan carefully abeg. Look at your expenses critically and confirm how long your savings can sustain you, assuming you don't generate any income from your business. If your savings won't go far, abeg start the business as a "side hustle". Use that period to grow your savings AND your business. You can take some time off from work when the demands of your business are high and focus on your job when business is not booming.
After some time, offer to become a freelancer for your current employer. When they need your expertise, you can go in. At other times, you devote your energy to growing your business.
That's all the business tips I have for today. Please share your thoughts in the comments.
Enjoy your day.
Join the Real Estate Revolution today
Don't let some destiny wasters lie to you that it's the "powers of your father/mother's house" or your spouse that are contending against your destiny and waste your already lean resources pursuing solutions to nonexistent problems. Don't let anyone play ping pong with your money and future.
Entrepreneurship does not start out rosy but if your products or services are providing value and you maintain the right attitude, your customers will find you.
Before you quit your job, plan carefully abeg. Look at your expenses critically and confirm how long your savings can sustain you, assuming you don't generate any income from your business. If your savings won't go far, abeg start the business as a "side hustle". Use that period to grow your savings AND your business. You can take some time off from work when the demands of your business are high and focus on your job when business is not booming.
After some time, offer to become a freelancer for your current employer. When they need your expertise, you can go in. At other times, you devote your energy to growing your business.
That's all the business tips I have for today. Please share your thoughts in the comments.
Enjoy your day.
Join the Real Estate Revolution today
Saturday, February 25, 2017
SUNDAY SERMON - FOLLOW THE MAN WEY SABI
TODAY'S SERMON
Good morning. Here is today's sermon
1. Obey the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you want them to do to you. Don't dish out senseless advice to others then cry when you receive seven fold harvest of senseless advice. #BeGuided
2. Don't lie about your marital status just to get laid. It's just plain evil.
3. Don't meet a stranger online, sleep with them and give them money then start forming victim when they break up with you. This is 2017. I'm really struggling to understand how ladies can say that they didn't know that a man was married.
4. Don't defend a man that denied you publicly, sister. Jesus said if you deny Him on earth, He will deny you in heaven. Follow the Man wey sabi, abeg...
Happy Sunday.
Join the Real Estate Revolution today
Good morning. Here is today's sermon
1. Obey the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you want them to do to you. Don't dish out senseless advice to others then cry when you receive seven fold harvest of senseless advice. #BeGuided
2. Don't lie about your marital status just to get laid. It's just plain evil.
3. Don't meet a stranger online, sleep with them and give them money then start forming victim when they break up with you. This is 2017. I'm really struggling to understand how ladies can say that they didn't know that a man was married.
4. Don't defend a man that denied you publicly, sister. Jesus said if you deny Him on earth, He will deny you in heaven. Follow the Man wey sabi, abeg...
Happy Sunday.
Sunday, February 19, 2017
ABOUT ROMANTICIZING WITCHCRAFT
I was just thinking that Goldie & Bear would be a perfect replacement for Sophia the First. I was even imagining how it would be a great talking point for my daughter when she's in her twenties and running her own blog (or has inherited one or more of mine, lol).
Sofia got knocked off the list when I discovered that she is a witch. No matter how 'friendly' she is, a witch is a witch and needs to be delivered. My own liberal views will not allow me romanticize witchcraft... My Christian values no gree...
Anyway, I was warming up quickly to Goldie and Bear. Today of all days, they chose to romanticize witchcraft. This is my yellow card....
I think Christians should make cartoons that promote Christian values and invest in television. If you put out good quality content, I promise to patronize and to use my space to promote.
This is the Sunday School sermon. Main sermon is loading.
Join the Real Estate Revolution today
Sofia got knocked off the list when I discovered that she is a witch. No matter how 'friendly' she is, a witch is a witch and needs to be delivered. My own liberal views will not allow me romanticize witchcraft... My Christian values no gree...
Anyway, I was warming up quickly to Goldie and Bear. Today of all days, they chose to romanticize witchcraft. This is my yellow card....
I think Christians should make cartoons that promote Christian values and invest in television. If you put out good quality content, I promise to patronize and to use my space to promote.
This is the Sunday School sermon. Main sermon is loading.
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